Adrienne Hengels -- Living the Dream!

Faith makes it possible, not easy

2011-10-25T18:01:00.003-05:00

Thursday afternoon I went out for a run. A run just like any other run...except it was different. To begin, I spent the entire day procrastinating going for a run...I found everything better that I needed to do including stocking up on groceries, folding laundry, getting some computer work done, etc. I had the option to go meet the Thursday morning run crew of 40+ people at 5:30am, but I opted that sleep was more important. After telling Jason that I was super sore from doing his circuit class the night before and yoga bootcamp in the morning, my ankle being sore from the sprain the week prior (insert here... blah, blah, blah), he reminded me of what I would be thinking of after the race on the 12th - my sister is coming to town and we are running the Santa Barbara 1/2 Marathon. He said, "after you cross the finish line, are you going to think to yourself, did I do everything that I could have done to have my best time?" I hated that he was right so, finally at 4:26pm I headed out the door for my 8 mile run in preparation per the conversation with coach Jason. He didn't make me do it... the decision was mine, and off I went. Magical!

Anyway, it was a cloudy afternoon as I headed out the door and headed down my newly found beach access path right by my house. Yes, the beach access path right by my house. The beach that is less than 5 minutes from my house... and I was in route to my yoga studio where I was headed to teach class at 6:00pm. I smiled. The realization that I did it. We did it. I have made my dream of living in California and teaching yoga for a living a reality. I am indeed living the dream.

Jason and I moved to California less than one year ago. I just spent a few minutes reading over my blog entry that I made upon our move. To California we go. It's so fun to reminisce and see what has changed and what has stayed the same since one short year ago. I'm not gonna lie and say that this last year has been the easiest year of my life. It has been easy but at times mentally frustrating. I remember thinking a few times, "I don't know if this was the best idea." It took me, in my world, a long time to figure out what to do with myself. It took going back and forth to my studio in Naperville, Illinois that I love teaching yoga. I love teaching a lot of yoga. Five classes a week isn't enough. I am now teaching 17 yoga classes a week. I have more energy than I've had since I moved to Santa Barbara - and it's not the sun shine because it's not always sunny. Right now, I feel more connected to this city, to my friends, and to myself than ever before. I'm busier, but I think I actually have more time. It's amazing when we spend time doing what we love there ends up being more hours in the day. I remember this from my first studio.

I know that doing yoga and teaching yoga has changed my life...not just physically but spiritually and mentally. Each time I stand up to teach (or sitting when I found myself sick midway through class and didn't want to throw up on my students), my goal is to inspire them, to empower them and to take them somewhere they wouldn't go on their own. This is how my teachers have empowered me. They didn't do it for me, just like Jason didn't do the run for me. But it's that little nudge that has moved me forward into action - whether taking another wheel when I've already done six, going out for junk miles when I don't see the point, or taking that first step to look at real estate for a new yoga studio. Now that I think about it....it all started with a conversation and then the power of belief, faith that it could be possible....but not easy.

The view of the mountains from Power of Your Om Santa Barbara

So here I am, one year since packing up and moving across the country with someone who had enough faith as I did that it would all work....and it's happening. We made it! This is hOMe. I get to see the ocean everyday. I get to see the mountains from the windows of my yoga studio. I get to ride my bike on bike paths everywhere. I get to teach 17 yoga classes a day. I get to see my family once a month. I get to be a part of an amazing community of athletes and supportive friends. I get to see my boyfriend at lunch everyday. I get to run along the beach to my yoga studio to help my new community find these possibilities too - whether it is simply allowing someone the space to surrender in child's pose, cry in savasana, first tripod headstand ever, to run without pain during Ironman training, to shake their butt in down-dog after years of having to be so serious, or if it's to start a new life that is bigger than the one they were able to imagine on their own. It all has to start with faith that it can happen.

Jamie, Carlos and Kristine channeling their inner warriors on a ride since they missed class

I Never Expected This

2011-08-01T17:02:00.004-05:00

Nobody ever expects a palm tree to be so strong when it's windy

Is it really possible to live a life without attachments to things?

What would happen if we let go of our attachments to relationships and to outcomes?

I'm pretty sure that every religion, spirituality, book on self help or read or program I've been to on creating a better life talks about LETTING GO in some way or another. Baptiste Bootcamps taught me a lot about this. The Landmark Forum teaches goal setting based on this, and indeed life has been teaching me a heck of a lot about it in the last few years. I think it always has but I didn't wake up to it until I started teaching yoga. For that, I am super grateful to Baptiste Power Yoga for opening my eyes to that. For the rest of the world that doesn't go on a transformational yoga retreat, we wake up to the idea of letting go simply by living. We have glimpses of being wide awake everyday, but sometimes they are really short glimpses. We feel the breeze on our skin. The moment we notice the breeze, however, we are dragged into the past. Dragged into analyzing and giving it meaning - it's breezy, it's windy, now I'm cold, now I'm hot, now I need to disrobe, now I need a sweater, and on and on we go....just because of a breeze. We need the breeze, however, to inform our decisions to move forward. Most recently, a huge breeze has blown through my life. My dad has cancer.

I received a text message from my sister to call her. I knew something was up. I called, she answered, and within less than a few seconds she was crying, in another second...I was crying. The tears came because we were scared of the future. Everything I know about the big "C" is that it is an uphill battle. It's not a guarantee for life, but nothing is. Every day I swim in the ocean, I could get eaten by a shark. Every time I get into my car, I could get in an accident. Every time I eat something, I could get food poisoning. Every time I race my mom cries at the end because she's happy I didn't get hurt. Living life in a "what could be" mode pretty much sucks. No, not pretty much.... it does. Everything we do brings us uncertainty....everything, and I know that this cancer is no different. When I start to think about "what could be," I am greeted with either downright panic, or shear joy. It's in the unknown that I get swept away by the breeze and I find myself taken out.

This last week I have been swept away with huge monster breezes of emotion - one second they are there, one second they are not. One minute I'm laughing my ass off. The next minute I'm in tears. I can't control it, it's just happening....and so I'm just letting go, and letting it happen. When I say the words outloud, "my dad has cancer" (or type them), I feel a breeze of emotion pass through my entire body. It shows up as goosebumps on my skin. I feel it show up in my stomach with a queasy feeling. I feel a heaviness in my chest, I feel my eyes well up in tears and my sinuses starting to get clogged as I feel the urge to cry. I see these emotions show up, the same way they show up for a swimmer that can swim in a pool but is freaked out about open water. The same way we say we suck at something after we try it just once. It's all fear.

Fear is not real but it bites us all. What can we do when it shows up? Well, recently...I feel like I am one big experiment. I have gotten really good with taking deep breaths. The moment I take a breath, look around where I am right now, I realize that everything is okay. Everything is just as it should be....Why?...Because it is. Because these are the cards we've been dealt. Smiles and feelings of elation have started to replace the fear because on every level, my family is getting ready to fight a war for each other. The way I see my mom showing up for my dad gives me chills. The way I see my dad trying new things has brought me to tears. The way my siblings have reached out for each other is a true testament to time healing all wounds and grudges. All of these changes are based on love. The love we have for my dad, each other and life. Fear creeps in though, as it will and we do need it for survival. We can't sit back and just let things happen to us...we have to take action. When fear moves us forward, fear becomes a catalyst for change. My dad has great doctors and will start chemotherapy on Friday. He has started listening to my mom and sister and appears as though he doesn't need to be right all the time (as of right now). My mom has stocked the medicine cabinet with every pharmaceutical just in case dad feels a little shitty (literally), she has cancelled her plans to go to Italy next month I will be extending my trips home and we are planning a family vacation. All of this is put into motion by fear, but really we do it out of love. Together, we will kick this cancer's ass the best way we can with what we have available to us right now - doctors, treatment programs, continuous support, love and faith. All of these are equally important....the most powerful force driving it all....is love.

The breezes of love come and go - it's the truth. When we are driven by love, it is amazing to see what is possible. While the news initially set in with sadness, and I know my mom and dad were not planning on spending the start of retirement fighting cancer.... The six members of my immediate family have been witnesses to an astronomical amount of joy and love this last week. I would never have expected that. But as Justin Bieber says, "Never Say Never."

So back to that initial question...

Is it possible to live a life without attachments to things?

What would happen if we let go of our attachments to relationships and to outcomes?

I did. A year ago I didn't expect to be this close to my family. I let things go, started trusting God a bit more with the uncontrollable and while the picture on the outside may still be far from the Cleavers, I still have no fear....Only love.

Moving Forward into Greatness

2011-06-30T16:14:00.002-05:00

When we act with love, there is only truth

Back in February, it seemed like a good idea for one of my goals for the year to be qualifying for the Ironman 70.3 World Championships in Vegas. What I wasn't going to do was open a yoga studio. A lot of my friends put the race on their bucket list, Jason put it on his list and so did members of my team. I didn't want to be left behind, so I thought this was a good idea. What I didn't need to do was open a yoga studio.

What's weird is that I think the universe has a different plan for me.

This week, I am in Italy on a yoga retreat with Deborah Williamson, one of my most beloved teachers. We are doing a Yoga Life Coach certification program and one of the questions that came up is, "what do you 'google'?" I have been googling things like yoga retreats, commercial real estate, yoga classes, yoga conferences, inspirational videos, Justin Bieber videos and occasionally results for triathlon races. I find that every email that I get from active.com or triathlete.com or whatever website that is racing related, is deleted without opening it. For some reason, I didn't get honest with myself on this until today.

I have been spending countless hours working on my yoga business, getting excited about new career paths, traveling a bunch and taking every action possible to make it happen. I have also done everything possible to make these yoga training programs happen, and everyone has supported me. Now, living in Santa Barbara...I can swim, bike or run 365 days a year...but I keep getting f*ing injured. I keep getting injuries that are putting me out for months at a time. Nothing major, nothing broken/sprained or requiring surgery....but issues in my hips that is probably being caused by what.... not enough yoga for the yoga teacher herself.

Yesterday a friend said that sometimes we may get injured and then stay injured if the injury has someway of healing us on the inside and getting us to work on things that showcase our talents. While I know part of my injury was from too much downhill running, I think she is on to something.

Yesterday night, Jason asked me a simple question... "Are you going to do Lake Stevens 70.3?" After giving him no straight-forward answer, he says..."I would have just said, NO Adrienne. You just listed off 15 excuses why not!" I had tears in my eyes as I admitted to him and myself that I didn't want to do it, I feel like I'm disappointing people and I feel like I'm losing a part of myself.

What I am learning in my life is that we are not our thoughts. We are not our accomplishments. We are not defined by what we do for a living, what we have, where we go, where we live, who we hang around with, or what we've done in the past or plan to do in the future. Believing this takes practice...It takes a choice. All of these thoughts come from fear. They come from feeling that we're not good enough, not strong enough, not disciplined enough, not committed enough, and the list goes on.... But I know that every loving thought that I have is true, and everything else is a cry for help. Help, however, is not on the way and we are the only ones that can stand in what is RIGHT NOW and move forward.

So today, I decided that I wanted to go for a little run. That 20-minute run gave me joy. It's possible that next week a 3 hour bike ride gives me joy or maybe even a track workout. But what I know is that doing an Ironman 70.3 this year is not going to give me joy or move me forward in the direction of greatness. Opening another yoga studio will bring joy....but that isn't it either. Opening a studio allows me to touch the lives of people in my community on an entirely new level. It allows me to spend more of my time teaching and empowering others to find these answers within themselves.

It allows me to be the firecracker that shines the light on people's power and strength.

This is true. This is love. This is right now.

The Little Things Matter

2011-06-23T00:46:00.001-05:00

Today was a day that I took so much love for the little things....that I decided to make a list.

Group run of 45 minutes...it was only 45 minutes and it seemed silly to drive to meet for a run like this, but it was so fun to do together.
This 45 minute run was the longest I've run in 4 weeks. The longest I ran prior to this was 15 minute walk/run followed by 3x5 minute easy jogs on Saturday. Progress forward is not always speedy.
Monday I had a teacher come to my class and she didn't seem to want to follow what the class was doing and I took it personally to indicate I wasn't a good enough teacher.
Today the same teacher came back.
The same teacher followed the program, the class, and the teacher.
I taught like I was the believed I am a good teacher.
Someone asked me if I was giving away cookies or something to get so many people in my yoga class.
My students are getting used to clapping after yoga class.
My parents came to yoga
I started a hike with my parents that we didn't finish and it was okay not to finish, but awesome that we started.
Starbucks Americano before 1 mile ocean swim = super peppy for the race.
Peeing in my wetsuit that is being sent back to the manufacturer tomorrow.
Beating LC to the first turnaround buoy at Nite Moves.
Staying on LC's heals for a few minutes and loving the sensation of racing with my teammate.
Not being scared to race out for a swim start
Not panicking when I drank about 16 ounces of seawater.
Listening to my mom and dad tell stories about my siblings and I when we were little.
Laughing uncontrollably when both of my parents had moments with us as kids where they understood why some people murder their children.
Santa Barbara Brewhouse Gorgonzola Salad
Cinnamon Graham Cracker Yogurtland
Mom checking in with all of the kids while she is out visiting me (P.S.my siblings are all over 35)
My dad's fascination with everything...I mean everything!!!
Mom sharing with me the first steps of her self-improvement program.
Jason's patience with everything.
Jason sharing his clif bar product with me.
Living in a place where there are "tourists."
Seeing friends at Nite Moves getting back into the water for the first time in a year.
Knowing that on some level, all of us are going through similar transitions and growing pains in our lives.
All the dogs in Santa Barbara.
And though I have many more from today, I'll end with this one.

I saw this boy, read his shirt and started cracking up. I chased him to take his picture. His mom captured him for me and then I snapped this photo. Kids are so innocent, fearless and beautiful. Kids and puppies make me smile and act goofy. Someone said the other day, "can you imagine what it would be like walking down the street if we smiled and oogled at everyone the way that we do to babies and puppies?" I started to realize that when I see dogs and kids, they have this aura about them that is filled with love and beauty. It's visible and so we oogle over them. The reality is, however, that we all have this love in us, everyone does. Even those people, kids, dogs or birds that drive me crazy. If only we saw the love all the time - what would this world be like? We don't have to search for the love. It's there. It always is. We just have to clear our own lenses of what is perfect and what is truly love and we will see it more and more and soon enough, all the time.

Peace!

Silence, Space and Intuition

2011-06-16T17:04:00.000-05:00

I am an open book. I share pretty much everything in my life to my friends, students and family...from the heartaches to the TMI stuff. I love sharing because it allows me to be openly vulnerable and therefore allows others to be vulnerable as well. When we open up in a giving way, it's quite amazing what we receive. While this is a good thing for me, I tend to struggle with the hard stuff. When I have something going on in life that is a little off-kilter, I honestly feel like it consumes me and defines me. A good friend of mine recently shared in a class that no matter what we do, what our bodies look like, what we eat, what we define ourselves as, we are still us. For instance, if we lost our arm, we are still us. If we have six-pack abs or not, we are still us. No matter what our house, our car, our life looks like, we are still us. If at the age of 40, 50, 60, or whatever and don't weigh what we weighed in high school or before kids, we are still us. This idea has been ringing in my ears non-stop lately because I've been experiencing a major roller coaster ride with triathlon training the last two years. Some days I love it, some days I hate it, some days I just want to have fun, some days I want to beat the snot out of everyone. Lately, I keep finding myself injured. Injured and frustrated.

After having spent the last 6 months witness to Jason's clavicle break not just once, but twice, I've witnessed someone with an iron will that will continuously cowboy up and keep training. He has spent weeks waking up early to swim with the team but only able to kick. He's climbed mountains with just one usable arm and he's raced in an Olympic distance triathlon 2 weeks after breaking his clavicle the second time around. Note: He swam 1500 meters in 27 minutes with only one arm. That amazes me.

A friend of mine gave me a shirt that says, "It takes someone with an iron will to do an Ironman." For the last two years, I have allowed that to define me. I have felt that if I don't go 150% into training, then I've lost my iron will...that I'm no good, that I've lost my identity and I end up stuck in mud. If I don't cowboy up with training like Jason does, then I've lost my identity.

Lately, I have found myself continually beating on closed doors over and over again, while some amazingly beautiful doors are opening and I keep putting them in the background as not as important. It's quite hilarious actually. If I notice how I feel when someone asks me about triathlon versus yoga, there is a huge difference. I get all full of negative emotions around triathlon, feeling like I need to prove something, do it because I've done it before, it's what I've always done the last several years. When someone asks me about teaching yoga, I light up, I can't get enough. When I step into a classroom to teach, I am full of love, passion, endless energy. It's freaking amazing... But I keep trying to take the triathlon thing seriously....and honestly, I don't want to do it anymore just because I always have. These feelings have kept me stuck for the last several months...not allowing for the silence to listen to what really moves me. Leaving space for spirit to move in and guide me and then trusting my intuition and ignoring my fears.

From now on, I'm in it for the fun. For the joy of seeing my teammates succeed, be better and faster than me because they've worked at it. And while I live in the most beautiful place on earth where I can train outdoors every day of the year...I have just come to realize that I came here to teach, to share my passion of yoga in and out of the classroom. Thank you to my good friends and teachers that helped shine light on this for me at the Live, Love, Teach Training in Costa Rica. Santa Barbara doesn't even know what's in store for it yet.

What Kind of Messenger Are We?

2011-06-05T21:54:00.002-05:00

Our beautiful group of higher beings from Live, Love Teach - Costa Rica

I was in Costa Rica a few weeks ago for the Advanced Vinyasa Teacher Training that I wrote about in my last post. While we were there, we spent the majority of our time being in action, practicing the principles of what makes a great Vinyasa yoga teacher. The rest of the time, we spent talking about the principles, inquiring about what holds us back, what motivates us to teach....and then just plain-o having fun. Part of our discussions were based on the book, The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz (definitely a keeper!). The last chapter is titled, "The 3 Languages - What Kind of Messenger Are You?" It discusses at the first level we gossip, we believe lies, we are a victim, we punish ourselves and others. The next level is the warrior, we are in between truth and lies and the third level is truth. There are no more lies and we realize that WE create our life. The book asks us....

What kind of messenger are you?

And then in our program, we asked ourselves "what kind of messenger am I?" I like to think that I am operating at the third level of truth, but the truth is, I'm not always there. However, when I am....holy crap!!!! Life is amazing, abundant, easy, and fun. When I returned home from Costa Rica I started thinking, when is life easy and fun and when is it challenging and stressful? I realized that when I trust my choices, trust my gifts, my talents...ultimately, when I trust myself I am a freaking powerful teacher, athlete, businesswoman, motivator and I am having fun and loving life. I didn't realize that the only thing holding me back from being all these things was trust....because I don't always operate at the level of "Truth." I tell people to, but I don't always do it. What happens then? I play the victim, I blame everyone, I punish myself for not living up to my ideals and I suffer. And it sucks....

When I started noticing how it was showing up is when I got clear to the fact that I haven't been in control of creating the life I want. I was instead, in control of creating a life of being stuck. I wasn't able to get to this on my own though, I had the help of my colleagues at teacher training to point this out to me on numerous occasions. Now, I've been back home for two weeks and things have shifted for me and I am no longer stuck. Because it feels so good to feel free, I will share my shifts.

1) I no longer punish myself mentally when I eat sweets, have a glass of wine, a beer, or bowl of ice-cream after dinner.

2) I am training for triathlons because it is a way of life, not because I feel guilty or need to prove myself. Just today, I finished a race when I was hurting really bad. A girl passed me on the run and all I could think was...I am here to represent my passion and my team. It was so rewarding.

3) I am training to rebuild and have balance. I spent the last year feeling like I had to prove myself in the sport to others, but really it was to myself. That I was good enough. Now I am training with friends, racing with teammates, cheering for people who are new to the sport, sharing my joy of it with everyone, committing to consistency and also building my yoga business.

4) I don't compare my relationships. I realize that every single person that has been in my life at some point in time was perfect, but I compared how they were to how someone else was. This left me always jumping to the grass is greener side of the street and it left me always searching.

5) I am an amazing teacher in Naperville and I am an amazing teacher in Santa Barbara. I didn't trust my talent here, but now I do and I am showing up to my classes in a big way - with the sole purpose to empower others in creating change in their life.

More concretely....this is what I'm up to....

6) I will open a yoga studio in Santa Barbara. I am not making any more stupid excuses for it. Negotiation on property starts this week.

7) I am leading a teacher training program at my studio and I am supporting all of my teachers in training to open studios, facilitate programs with me and I am not listening to my ego.

8) I am good enough to teach at Yoga Journal Conferences. I have a new 2-hour workshop and 1-day intensive called "Yoga for Healing." More details coming to a studio near you.

9) I will be having a 5-day yoga/surf/hiking/wine retreat in Santa Barbara in 2012. I am finding a location for it now.

10) Jason and I have a program called "The Swim Lab" where we do live feedback swim stroke analysis with video and a follow-up plan for athletes.

Now....what kind of life are you in charge of creating? What kind of messenger are you?

Jason and me being goof balls after our race in Morro Bay, CA

Love, the Most Powerful Force on Earth.

2011-05-26T00:14:00.002-05:00

"It's like having our kids up there," Deborah Williamson

I first met Deborah Williamson when I was working in Appleton, Wisconsin something like 8 years ago. I didn't know my life was going to change when I walked into Midwest Power Yoga. Fast forward to February, 2011 and I was heading back to Appleton for a teacher training program with Debbie. This time it was about advancing my teaching, moving me forward, and getting unstuck. I own a successful studio, Power of Your Om, in Naperville Illinois but when I moved out to Santa Barbara 6 months ago, I felt like I lost my passion for teaching. That changed when I went to Advanced Vinyasa Teacher Training (AVTT) with the Live, Love Teach program. The main message of the training is, "teach from love, not fear." Sounds simple, right? Well, if you do that...teach from love, teaching is so freaking easy and fun it's almost a little nuts. After returning from that program, I started to teach from a new place. My students noticed a change in me, I noticed a change in me and I started to enjoy teaching again and remembering why I had become a teacher. After leaving that training I started a 200 Hour Teacher Training Program back in Naperville. I was inspired to do more, make changes and challenge myself in a new role of teaching teachers.

For some reason, however, I wasn't taking my learning to making changes in Santa Barbara. It was as though I compartmentalized my life into "Powerful teacher in Naperville" and "Passionless teacher in Santa Barbara." I didn't know what was going on, but as a passionate learner, I was bound to find out.

So, last week, in an effort to further my learning and challenge myself in new ways, I went back to the AVTT program but this time as a facilitator in training. There were three facilitators in training (FITs) at the program. This program wasn't about watching, it was about jumping right into the fire! Right away, we were thrown into the process in a new way. We took on the role of facilitator, giving constant feedback to the participants. Lucky for them, it was like having 6 teachers leading the training instead of just three. What a gift!

As I stepped into the role of facilitator, I didn't realize how much I was going to learn about my own teaching, and how much I was going to take away and bring back to my teaching everywhere. We stood up and gave feedback with Debbie, Stacy, and Philip (we'll call "the trio") in every practice teaching session. We were coached to step up and "toe the line" with them. The idea of "teach from love, not fear" was as important in our role as it is in the students learning to be teachers. We needed to trust that what we had to say was just as important and urgent as what the trio had to say - holding back was only out of fear, and to sacrifice our feedback was sacrificing gifts to everyone. Throughout the week, we were in charge of creating the program with Debbie, Stacy and Philip. As the week progressed, we were given the opportunity to lead a session while they watched.

This FIT program is unlike any other program. From the moment we woke up until minutes before we went to bed, we were part of the process as a facilitator - stepping into action immediately, trying new things on, getting comfortable being uncomfortable, and most importantly...living, not just teaching, from love, not fear. We were facilitators as early as day one, similar to how the participants were teachers from day one - regardless of their previous experience.

There were many highlights from the week 1) feeling the chills on my skin as I witnessed each and every student take the floor as a powerful teacher, teaching with more love than I've ever seen, 2) being seen as powerful among my peers as well as my teachers whose teaching I've admired since I started practicing yoga, and 3) learning that if I trust myself, love will show through my teaching and my life... and most importantly.... that 4) Love is the most powerful force on earth.

It's only been two days that I've been home after training and there is a fire lit, and it's burning so brightly that I might just burst! Stay tuned for some exciting new programs with me as well as the Live, Love Teach Program.

Jump into the Flow

2011-04-06T20:03:00.000-05:00

You know this already, I'm a solid advocate for yoga. I don't need to stand on my soap box and sing about it. For goodness sake, everyone has heard about how good yoga is for you. People who don't even practice yoga preach about it's benefits. Just today while I was in the dentist chair, my hygienist started telling me about how it's good for us, though she doesn't practice. She doesn't exercise period. She outright admitted that she is lazy. We didn't go on to have a conversation about it because my mouth was full of contraptions to x-ray my pearly whites. I never understood that about the dentist, but that is an entirely different subject.

Now, contrary to my hygienist, I am not lazy. I've actually been laying off of my regular yoga practice a bit because I'm already spending 3+ hours a day doing other workouts and nursing a minor injury back to health. I promised I would keep my practice light, and I chose just not to practice. This week, I got back on my mat after being off for a few weeks. I started off yesterday morning with a 7am practice with Melanie Elkin at the Santa Barbara Yoga Center. It was a beautiful start to my day. I had to do a bike test - two, 30-minute all out efforts. The anxiety that I create around "testing" floated into and out of my mind while I was on my mat. I kept reminding myself that I wasn't on the roads yet and my teacher reminded me to be where my feet were...how simple! When my test came around, I followed those same guidelines. In the midst of the first effort, I already started doubting my ability to do the second one. I went back to my teachers words - be where your feet are. In addition, I focused on breathing. I noticed my breathing wasn't labored enough and so I pushed it harder since it was indeed a test. I made it through the first test and the second. It was comfortable discomfort. In a matter of two weeks, my data made a pretty big jump. I acknowledge my training improvements but I highly acknowledge my mind's ability to focus on the task in front of me.

Today, I wanted to practice again. I walked into class already sweating from a run and the moment my forehead hit the ground in child's pose, I knew I made the right decision. I reminded myself to let this be a practice of nourishment instead of punishment. It was that and so much more. At one point in time, we held a pretty long Warrior 2. My arms were fading but my legs were solid. Instead of fighting the fatigue, I gave into it. I dropped my arms, and instead of focusing on the end of the pose, I stayed focused on the intense sensation in my legs and hips. My teacher commented about staying instead of being fixated on it being over. I instantly thought to my workout that morning. I was in the water and I wanted my last 400 meters to be over. I remember feeling that same feeling too often in races where I'm pleading for the swim to go by faster, for it to be over because I don't like being uncomfortable - especially in the water. This kind of realization happens when I take time to sit with being uncomfortable. Sit, wait, and be patient with the discomfort. The magical openings come in all sorts of different ways.

Lately, I've had my head wrapped into my training, fortunately that is where my opening came in my yoga practice. My opening didn't come from getting into the splits or being able to stick a handstand. It wasn't physical at all. When I let go of the physical goals, let go of everything and jump into the flow, the magical moments show up so much more. Yoga isn't about how lazy or how active you are. It's not about how flexible you are or are not. It's not about being able to stand on your head, your hands, or get through the entire class without taking a break or a sip of water. It's about jumping into the river of flow, letting it whisk you away into the beauty that presence invokes in all of us. If you haven't tried it yet, give it a try. Areas that have been keeping you stuck for days, weeks, months, or even years may just need to rise up in the flow of the practice so that you can break through and live in a new, awakened life!

I "GET TO!!!"

2011-03-16T00:05:00.002-05:00

Today was the second opportunity I had to teach yoga at the Braille Institute in Santa Barbara. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little more hesitant, nervous, anxious and not really as excited this time as I was the last time I got to teach here. Why? Because it is so outside of my comfort zone that it scares the crap out of me...it had me pretty much obsessing about it in my mind all day. Do I really have to do this? Did I really say yes? What was I going to teach this time? I want to empower them and sitting them in a chair was not what they needed. All of these folks walked with their own two feet into the door. To quote Deborah Williamson, they need to move, sweat and breathe.

Before class started, Fernando and Ana Maria shared their stories of how they started to lose their vision. Ana Maria started to realize that she needed glasses right before her son's wedding but didn't want to go to the doctor to get checked out. When she finally went, she also realized that she was diabetic. With diabetes, you can lose your eye sight and so while she was prescribed glasses, she had a whole new ball game to deal with. Fernando had gradually lost his sight several years ago. He had gotten into a horrible car wreck and shortly after had lost complete vision in one eye and the other was at about 30% until one morning on Christmas when his mom turned the lights on and told him to get up. He asked her to turn the lights on and she said, they already are. At that moment, the ability to see was just gone.

As they both shared their stories, they were filled with such joy. There was not a lick of sadness in their voice, in their facial expressions or their energy. They seemed just so happy to be where they were - in a supportive environment, with an opportunity to do some yoga. They had no idea what was in store for them....heck, neither did I but no longer was I nervous to teach. I had shifted into a place of service, of giving, of compassion, of love. From that place, comes the teacher that I strive to be all the time.

The class was fun. The group didn't sit in chairs at all. In fact, we moved a lot. Each student has this "I will not let anything get me down" sort of attitude. I wanted to keep that fire alive. They rocked and rolled up and down and got a few good belly laughs going, while also breaking a sweat. As I taught, Ana Maria translated for me a bit. Then I got daring and did my best to break out my limited Spanish that I have. As we went along, I was excited to speak Spanish, to count in Spanish to give directions in Spanish....even if it was broken. I know I appreciate someone's efforts when they don't speak English and they give it their best go. So, I didn't let feeling stupid hold me back. I shared the importance of movement with breath and at one point I laughed out loud when I noticed that everyone was facing a different direction but it didn't matter because a) they had no idea and b) I didn't care about it being "just right" and c) they were all moving in the same direction....forward, advancing their yoga practice beyond where they thought they would when they walked in the door tonight.

As I walked to my car, I had a smile on my face that I will revisit often. I walked out thinking, "I got to do that." And I cannot wait until I "get to" do it again next week! We all get to do so much....I encourage you to shift your thinking anytime "I have to" comes up, change it to "I get to." See what happens with your perspective. It's pretty awesome!

It starts and ends with friends and wine

2011-03-13T21:23:00.002-05:00

Last weekend a few of my crazy triathlon friends mentioned that there is a century ride going on in Solvang this weekend and told Jason and I we should join them. A guys were riding and Jos and Lisa were going to pick up sandwiches from Panino's and then head up to Demetria for a picnic lunch and wine tasting. Panino's has the best sandwiches in Santa Barbara and I love wineries. Therefore, I will gladly ride 100 miles for sandwiches and wine. Is that wrong? So, I said yes to the 100 mile bike ride and the post-ride festivities without thinking twice.

As the week progressed, I started to become consumed with the 100 mile bike ride. I didn't even know how long the longest ride I had been on this season was without asking Jason. I had done two 67 mile bike rides the week prior...and the way to convince myself that I could get to 100 without a problem was the fact that 30 miles is only another hour and a half. The biggest kicker of the idea to go ride was who I was going riding with.... the boys, and pretty much some of the fastest boy triathletes (as far as I know) in Santa Barbara. Hmmmm, not sure how that was going to work out. I started to get excited as I learned that this was actually a sanctioned ride and there were going to be thousands of people on the roads. I realized I didn't have to hang with the boys and I was pretty confident that I could make it the whole way....

...that was until last night. We hired a chef Harold at World Cuisines Express to cook dinner for some of our dearest friends and us.

It was probably the best meal that I've ever eaten (sorry mom!) and all of us got to sit around and talk with Harold about his cooking, how to make certain foods, techniques and tips and we also got to just sit and have dinner and not worry about being stuck in the kitchen. Here is what we ate. I don't do the detail justice because I don't know what was in everything but it was YUMMMMMMMY fabulous! I won't tell you how many of each we had because you would be disturbed by the quantity of food consumed.

Appetizers: Phenomenal crab cakes, turkey stuffed crescent rolls and croissant with brie and jam with crackers. We spent so much time eating appetizers that Jack (not Elizabeth's newborn) took a nap before soup was served.

Soup: Butternut squash soup

Entree 1 (yes there were 2): Swordfish with couscous risotto and some kind of a spicy veggie side.
Entree 2: Chicken wrapped around asparagus
Dessert: Organic strawberries with whip creme and chocolate sauce from scratch.

It was absolutely delightful to spend the time relaxing with friends and enjoying our wonderfully prepared meal. We had a chance to discuss everything we were eating with the chef, and others just hung out and relaxed on the couch with wine.

But....back to the 100 mile ride planned for the next day. As Jason and I drove home, we were stuffed! It was late and by the time we got to bed it was 11:30pm, and the alarm was going off at 5:15am. Seems just like a race day - including the desire to want to visit the potty before heading out on our ride.

We met some of our friends in a little town called Los Olivos and headed out at 7:00am. It was a little chilly but fortunately we had a few little climbs to start and warm us up. We met up with the actual ride a few miles into the ride and from then on, there were people everywhere. It was so fun to have a chance to ride among so many people. During the first 30 minutes, I was convinced there was no way that I was going to be able to do this. I was carrying probably 15 extra pounds than I'm used to - 5 from the gorge-fest the night before and about 10 lbs of fluids to make it the 100 miles. My aero-bar water bottle was flailing all over the place, and I was just darn frustrated! All of a sudden I just decided that I was not going to try to stay with the boys anymore. So, I decided to ride solo. And then the frustration was gone and before I knew it, I had already rode 30 miles and it had only been 1:25 minutes. I thought to myself, "Huh! I can do that 2 more times!" I had yet to eat a thing though because I was so full from the night before. I trekked on and on.

I was able to tack onto the back of a few groups riding to take it easy and not hammer for 100 miles. Somewhere along the 100 miles I realized the last time I rode that long was in Kona in 2009. Some of the climbs reminded me very much of those hills and the wind...thankfully, it was only 70 degrees and drafting is legal when you are just out riding. Along the road, I saw two crashes. One small one and then one that was literally only 3 bikes in front of me in a pace line. I quickly swerved to the right, pulled over and made sure the riders were okay. I hopped back on my bike, said a little prayer, and reminded myself why I seem to like riding solo - a like being able to see the full road in front of me even when the butt that is in front of me is not bad to look at:)

Before I knew it, there was only 20 miles to go and it was a beautiful ride through wine country. I smiled with 5 miles to go as I thought that I was going to ride 100 miles and just a few short hours ago, I thought it more likely that I turn around and sit back at the cars or have someone pick me up half-way. But I made it back to our cars in a nice 5 hours and 14 minutes. The boys were out doing a run-off the bike and they were back shortly after me.

We did a little bird bath, grabbed a coffee and then headed up to Demetria for those yummy Panino Sandwiches, Wine and special treats thanks to Jos and Lisa. It was pretty much the perfect day!

So you can't do yoga, huh? I don't believe you!

2011-03-09T12:22:00.002-06:00

On Monday morning I received a call from Maria from the Braille Institute asking me if I was still up for teaching yoga on Tuesday nights during March. Without hesitation, I said YES! She asked me if I spoke Spanish, and I said no. She told me that was okay as there would be a translator there. For some odd reason, I didn't hear the part about the participants not speaking English, I was just excited to take on a new challenge of teaching to the visually impaired. I was filled with excitement and anxiousness all day yesterday in anticipation of the class. I did a little research online as to how to approach this group of individuals, and I didn't find anything useful except that it's nice to have something to hold onto for balance.

As a teacher, I never have an agenda for my classes. I never have a favorite reading, a plan or a theme. I just walk in and start to teach and learned to see my students and take their lead. One of my teachers, Philip Urso, told me that he never even knows what his first word is going to be. I like that approach. It's very organic and real to me. We never know who is going to show up for a class, what state of consciousness our students are going to be in, what physical abilities or limitations folks will have or how their day has been up until that point so if we are planning....who are we planning for? For us to look good? Hmmmm...definitely!

I talked with my yoga teacher friend Melanie yesterday and we tried to brainstorm on how my "blind" class would go. I just laughed. I had no idea what to expect and the more I thought about it, the more I laughed because I couldn't predict who would walk in the door. As it turns out, I had five students. One completely blind man, three that were slightly visually impaired, one of the students daughters and an interpreter. Who cares about Sanskrit! Their yoga teacher (me) didn't speak their language. Maria, the coordinator of the class reminded me that it was Latino night and not everyone would speak English. I smiled and when the thought of "how is this going to work?" came up, I just laughed. Maria set up chairs for the students and I awaited their arrival. I thought about the MyMSYoga class where I assisted Baron Baptiste and I recall a variety of abilities in that class. Not everyone needed a chair, but cha-ching....a chair is a great balancing prop.

As we got started I quickly realized that I needed to keep the words to a minimum because everything had to be translated. No room for fluff, no room for stories. I couldn't have planned that. I went from saying "inhale your arms up, exhale fold" to just "arms up," "fold down." The less words I had, the easier it was to follow. Amazing! When we did Warrior 2, I didn't tell them what to do, how to feel, I just said "Courage," "Strong," "Power." The translator didn't have any problem with that:) I felt their power, their courage and their strength. I didn't need to give them a big story about it, I just needed to remind them of what they already have.

With about 20 minutes left in the class, I said we are going to lay down on the floor. The look of horror on two students' face was priceless. One was worried about his knees (I had missed out on an entire conversation about his bad knees because I didn't understand Spanish), and the other was worried about having to get back up after laying down. I assured them that they would be okay, and I would help them. When my bad-knee friend got down on the floor with a smile on his face, I gave him a high five. As he laid down, he looked so peaceful. We did some good spinal twists and even some abdominals. I counted in Spanish. I felt silly with my American accent, but I didn't want to hold back. It felt fun and easy. We ended with a long Savasana and as promised, everyone was able to get up off the floor and stand up. It wasn't that they couldn't, but they believed that they couldn't. I believed they could and it was amazing to witness the shift to a positive belief.

This was an experience that opened my eyes to the power of coming up to a challenge head on, not looking at anything as a problem, and instead seeing the NOW that is always right in front of us.

Practice

2011-03-08T11:36:00.001-06:00

"Practice and all is coming" ~ Ashtanga Yoga Guru Pattabhi Jois

We live in a darn pretty cool world where instant gratification is no longer a thing of the past. We used to have to wait about a minute for our photos to develop when we used the good ole Polaroid cameras, now we get to take a picture on our phones equipped with high quality cameras and send it to everyone we know in a matter of seconds. If we get fat because we spent a lifetime of eating too much food and not moving our bodies, we can get surgery. We want a whiter smile, we don't have to lay off coffee or wait two weeks for whiter teeth...we can have our teeth instantly whitened by new 2 hour Crest Whitestrips. Then there are all the drugs, legal or illegal, that can be taken to numb the pain, remove cold symptoms, make us horny, calm our anxiety, help us focus...and the list goes on and on....

I am all about technology making my life better - heck, I'm sitting here on my laptop with Pandora playing what it believes to be some of my favorite music. Later today, I plan to go out on a bike ride and I am a huge fan of my Adamo saddle so that I don't have to dance on my bike for two hours because I can't find comfy cycling shorts. I love my fast new Zipp wheels that take off a few seconds of time on my bike rides, and my running shoes that seem to get lighter and lighter with each rendition that they make. All of these things are great...but what happened to putting in the time, the practice, the energy, the heart and soul in order to make it to that next level?

A few weeks ago, I spent five days at an Advanced Vinyasa Teacher Training Program. I debated whether I really needed to go because I know so much of becoming a better teacher is just going out and doing it. This time, however, I was at a point where I not only wanted to teach A LOT, but I also wanted to advance my teaching. I wanted instant gratification, instant feedback, and instant results. Over the course of these five days, I definitely got what I wanted - instant feedback and instant gratification. It felt awesome. Now, three weeks later I have been teaching using a new set of eyes and ears and a renewed sense of compassion for teaching yoga. As I teach, I witness myself fall back into my old ways of teaching and instead of getting frustrated, I keep practicing all of the new skills I learned at training. I don't think that I will ever stop practicing these as I teach. The crazy thing about it is that it makes teaching so much more alive, authentic and fun!

Over the last two months, I have also been doing a lot of swimming. Someone, somewhere says that it takes 10,000 repetitions to ingrain something in our bodies. As far as swimming goes, I believe it. One can argue that some bodies are just made for swimming - Phelps for instance is proportioned pretty well for a swimmer, but I'm certain that he has spent more time in the pool than he has watching youtube clips on himself swimming, reading about becoming a good swimmer, or doing anything else in his life for that matter. He also believes that he is the best....and I'm certain there are days where his head has convinced him otherwise.

For me, every time I used to get in the water or even think of jumping in the water, I would start with the mental attitude of "I'm not a swimmer," or "I'm not fast." That got me nowhere, in fact it hindered me moving forward. Now, I'm practicing all the things that make up a good swimmer, and a great athlete - consistency and a good attitude. I'm swimming 5-6 days a week and each stroke I take is one of 10,000+ that I'm practicing to get faster, smoother, more streamlined in the water. A few months ago I started in one of the slower lanes at swimming and yesterday, I graduated to a faster lane because my practice is paying off. It didn't happen instantly....and in wanting it to happen instantly, I witnessed myself go further in the opposite direction. Instead it came without expectation, lots of practice and a dedication.

Practice comes in many forms and we often hear of it in athletics but it truly is everywhere! Everything worth anything takes effort! Put that effort into something that you want to get better at...practice it and trust me, all is coming!

Growth...the view at the top is awesome!

2011-01-24T19:56:00.001-06:00

I am currently participating in the 42 Days to Personal Transformation program with my new yogini posse in Santa Barbara. I have participated in this program in the past with my studio back in Naperville, and I can honestly attest to the fact that each time I do it it is different, and even more life changing. We just started week 3 of the program and I have learned so much about myself and the world...as though I am wearing new glasses that allow me to see everything with much more clarity.

In our meeting last night, Kelly, our program facilitator, dear friend, amazing teacher and just a super-fabulous chica, reminded us that the title of this program is "42 Days to Personal TRANSFORMATION." I knew this when I said I would commit to it, but somehow lost sight of what a transformation means...even though I've done it before, led these programs before, and have read Baron's book several times.

WHAT IS A TRANSFORMATION..... REALLY?

Baron Baptiste states in his book, 40 Days to Personal Revolution, that "many of us are searching without knowing exactly what we are looking for. No matter how much we try to gloss over that yearning with temporary fixes, it is still there, whispering the truth: that what we need isn't another quick fix, but rather a rebirth - a whole-life revolution." Upon reading this a few weeks ago before embarking on the program once again, I was thinking....YES!!! This is what I want. I want a rebirth, a revolution, a transformation. I want to sign up now! Before the new year, I was feeling this sense of constant searching and coming up with not a whole lot. I moved across the country to find warmer weather to train in and enjoy and I wasn't feeling the desire to want to train or even take advantage of the weather. Those thoughts have passed, and I'll get into it more in a second.

Fast forward a few weeks later to last Tuesday and my feelings of, mmmm, frustration and struggle with everything in life - my yoga practice was a fight, my mediation was definitely last on the priority list, my relationships were giving me grief, and while I didn't show it on the surface, I could feel the turmoil rising within. I sensed the desire to reach for ice-cream in the freezer or all the chocolates from my stocking from Christmas every time I got jazzed up. I know I do this, but I always cave in so I have never let myself have a chance to figure out what it even means. And then I let myself have some space to sit with this chaos...I had just had one of my meltdown moments where I blame everything else for the way that I'm feeling. I'm good at this and I usually bitch and complain to everyone and anyone that will listen. I'm not gonna lie, I did this again....but in a more introspective way. I wasn't looking for an answer, instead I was paying attention to what was under the surface, under my surface.

And while it didn't happen instantly, the craving for the candy jar went away. I retracted a bit, let myself be quiet with it, and just let myself be with all these emotions. But a few days later all these feelings of insecurity and being lost, and needing to keep searching were gone. I didn't know what happened exactly, but I didn't allow for a quick fix. I felt a transformation was starting to occur. It was uncomfortable and eating all the food in the house would have definitely been easier and quicker, but it wouldn't get to the root of what I had been dealing with for several years.

We then had our group meeting on Sunday night, and a whole new level of stuff I have been wanting to work on surfaced. I realized that I wasn't 100% committed to the program that I signed up for just three short weeks ago. I was not committed to a transformation. I wasn't committed to growth. I didn't even realize it until someone else shared that she has to remind herself that by doing the morning and evening meditations, she is committing to her growth. BINGO! I thought...and then I got really excited. I got excited because I want growth and I want transformation and seeing someone else's challenge helped me find a way to overcome my own. I was then ready to make a commitment to my growth!

At 5:45pm last night, I left the meeting in the dark but seeing a new light - like a high beam headlight that said, "I was now committed to growth!" I went home and sat for 10 minutes in my mediation that I had missed in the morning because I had made the excuse that it was the first day I slept in all week. Then I reminded myself of my commitment to my training program and that I would do all the workouts on it. I had missed an easy run yesterday because I was exhausted, so off I went into the pitch dark for my first ever night run since 2009. It was refreshing, amazing, easy and the view and sound of the ocean in Montecito at night was epic! The entire time I ran, I said to myself, "I am committed to growth." It was the lightest I've felt on a run in a year! I got back and did my 30-minute yoga practice at home, with the sound of the t.v. on in the background and Jason making dinner. It was perfect. I finished my night off with meditation and woke up at 5:50am before swimming to do my 15 minute mediation and followed it with a life giving breakfast and strength training. I dragged myself to yoga later on, even though I was tired and I just told myself to do what I could without expectations. I did all of this, not out of obligation, not to check a box, but because I am committed to growth. Growing is not always easy, but we either grow....or we die! Hah!

The curious paradox

2011-01-19T19:52:00.000-06:00

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."

This is the quote that I see each time I walk into one of my favorite yoga studios in Santa Barbara, Yoga Soup. I've walked by this quote several times, read it, smiled, and just kept on walking. More recently, I read this quote and pondered over it for awhile. And then today, my yoga teacher said this in class. I laughed out loud because I've finally allowed it to happen. And the strange thing about it is that I am so happy!

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how while running I looked at my watch and my pace was slow and my heart rate was high. I got all fired up, pissed off, disappointed, frustrated, and just plain angry. My coaches workout plan to me includes the reminder of "be patient." Hah! I'm type-A, I'm so not patient (driving, training, in relationships, in my job, you name it....I want it NOW!).

I'm turning a little corner though in some areas...last week, I went to the pool for the first time because training for the 2011 season has begun. I have been to the pool 5 times in the last week and I love it again. One major reason that I love it is that it is beautiful. Another reason is that I don't have to flip turn so much because it's long course (50 meters). Another is that there are assigned lanes designated as slow, medium, fast, very fast, kick only. Per coaches request, I needed to put myself in a slower lane so I chose medium. That choice was a physical choice but it was a major mental one too. I want to be fast, but I'm not efficiently fast in the water. So, I swim slower and a little less messy when in the medium lane. I don't feel rushed by anyone else, I can just focus.

And that brings me to my favorite part about swimming....I'm motivated! I can hardly believe it myself, but I am motivated to swim, to get in the pool, to get better. And I have to say that the reason why is that someone, thank you Mateo, has finally told me that my stroke needs work. Since 2007, I have been swimming, but I have never been on a swim team. For those of you who are in this triathlon/swimming world, you know what I mean. I haven't had someone with a vested interest in helping me to swim "better." I've had coaches who have gone with me to the pool, watched me swim, gave me some tips, but it's always a little sugar coated, a little nice. Jason taped me several times in the pool. We'd even tape it, watch it while in the water and the go for it again, but I wanted to be fast so bad that I didn't accept that I needed to start with basics. Start with drills, start with swimming slow, start without a goal! I have watched Jason swim lap after lap, working on drills, swimming slowly (for him) and he loves it. Now, he loves swimming fast too...but he's in it for the ride, the challenging small steps of improvements. And I have always just been downright pissed that I swam a 1:06 at Ironman in 2008 and I have not improved. I've been stuck in the thick of that and cannot get out.

Yesterday, I had a friend sit me down, watch my swim video, break it down millisecond by millisecond and tell me exactly what is going on, why and how it's slowing me down. Now, I knew all this. Jason and I had gone over a lot of it but this time I had someone give it to me straight. He downright told me the truth about everything that is going wrong with me in the water. I laughed on the outside, and smiled on the inside. I have finally allowed myself to accept myself where I am. And so.....

Today, I landed myself in the S-L-O-W lane of the UCSB tri club's swim session. (Minor side-note....Jason and I are volunteer coaches for the UCSB triathlon club. We are helping coach, working out with the team as mentors and in the future teaching yoga, Foundations and strength training with the team.) Okay, back to the SLOW lane. I loved it!!! I was anonymous really. Nobody, besides me, knew what races I've done or how well or poorly they've gone. The only one that knew that was me. So, this swim was different. I finally got my expectations out of the way, myself out of the way and I accepted myself exactly where I stand. I am now willing to do everything possible because of this acceptance. Isn't it a strange paradox? We can work on something for so long, but not really get it. We can try so hard, with so much force and what it inevitably takes is surrendering to the truth so that we can be set free. It's been some challenging work, but man-o-man...so freaking worth it!

Life is about Beginning Again

2011-01-13T14:04:00.000-06:00

Here we are, beginning of January and today marks the first "OFFICIAL" day of my training season. I'm about to put my feet into the swimming pool for the first time in 4 months. Yes folks, that's right. I have not been in the pool since September. Last year, I said I was going to focus my off season on swimming. Truth is, I said that because it sounded good. It sounded like what I was supposed to do versus what I wanted to do. So, each day, I have waited for that day to come when I want to get back into the pool. On Tuesday morning, I had an itch to go swimming. Since I was still cleansing, I opted to wait. So today, with nervous anticipation, I will swim. I am nervous for all sorts of reasons...

I have waited several months to swim, mostly because I haven't felt like getting in the pool. Which is weird because I love swimming outside and all the pools here are outside, blue sky, right next to the ocean, and you can look up and see palm trees. Not bad at all! Honestly though, the biggest reason I haven't gotten in the pool is because I'm so scared of not being good enough. I had a rockin' season in 2009 and last year was all messy - completely inconsistent training which is basically useless and while I did okay, I was disappointed in my ability to show up for training. If you don't train like you want to race, you aren't going to get the results at races that you want to.

We've all had that feeling of not being good enough - not getting picked for the team in gym class, not getting the job, not getting called back for an interview, a failed relationship, etc. I don't think this feeling has ever surfaced in other avenues of my life, but now that I'm facing it head on, I realize that it is what has held me back a lot. This feeling has somewhat come up before but instead of it hitting me in the face, I pushed it below the surface. But just last week this icky feeling emerged and I wouldn't allow myself to push it below the surface. Instead, I let it come up, I sat with it, and I have now come face to face with it.

What I know to be true is that my fear of not being good enough is keeping me stuck. Keeping me stuck in not moving forward - to go to the pool to swim, to go on group runs, group rides...because I feel like I have to prove something, I have to be better than I'm trained to be. As my favorite yoga teacher tells me, "fear isn't something you can put in a box. It cannot be measured, and therefore it does not exist." This is the truth. Fear is something that we make up to confirm some belief we have about ourselves, or perhaps something that someone may have said about us at one point in time.

I am right now reminded of the feelings I had the day that I decided to sign up for my first triathlon. I was crazy excited. I knew I could do it. I wasn't scared, because I didn't even know what to expect. Now, that I think I know what to expect this year and instead of being excited about it, I am holding back....because of a different kind of expectation, the one that I put on myself.

Jason and I have been talking a lot about this lately because we are both in a position to start over, and begin again. Him starting his season with a clavicle break is not how he envisioned this year beginning. Me starting without being fit (in my previous seasons standards). What matters is that we don't put expectations on the year. I didn't put expectations on myself the year I did Ironman Wisconsin. I didn't put expectations on me when I initially started training for the Hawaii Ironman. And those seasons were fun, exhilarating, and exceeded my wildest dreams. This year, I commit to starting over - which I like to phrase as "beginning again" because it sounds positive.

I am beginning again from that same place of hope and excitement that I had when I first got into this sport. I just finished my cleanse. I'm doing a 40 Days to Personal Transformation program that includes mindful eating, daily yoga and meditation and journaling. I'm beginning my training today. I'm beginning a new belief in myself today. And each day the thoughts of, "I'm not good enough" will show up. The first step in any "program" is acknowledging that something exists. Then each day it is a practice of believing in something bigger.

It's time to swim!

Uncomfortable Being Uncomfortable

2011-01-06T10:43:00.001-06:00

Hip Hip Hooray! The first stage of our cleanse is complete, one week to go. Today marks day five of our cleanse. Jason and I have spent the last two days completely cleansing - no food, just the drinks and snacks that come with the Isagenix program. We've been following the program almost perfectly, but we've added in a few extra snacks (almonds and almond butter) to tide us over. Like I mentioned before, the goal is not weight loss, but it is inevitably going to happen if you have weight to lose. Upon first weigh in, I was at 142.5 and now I'm at 137. My hunger has been extremely manageable considering how little we are consuming, but I've been absolutely FREEZING because of the minimal calorie consumption. I have outfitted myself with slippers, snuggie, space heater and lots of hot herbal tea to keep me warm.

I'm not gonna lie, I have daydreams about downing a box of cereal. The yoga studio that I practiced at on Tuesday smelled like coffee and I thought I was being punished. I dream about coffee. Last night before bad, Jason said he wanted to eat a bag of 30 sliders from White Castle. There are all sorts of cravings coming up - things that I don't even eat on a regular basis, but just the idea of them (and seeing the awful food on commercials) makes me yearn for it! But I'm sticking to the program and the deprivation, has caused me to dig deep down to see what is behind this desire for cereal, coffee, and sliders. The bottom line is that I like instant gratification. If there is something I want, I'm going to go for it. There is no difference with my relationship with food. I have this thought that, "I deserve it!" So, I always indulge. Indulging once and awhile is okay, all the time...not okay.

During the first two days, we were able to eat regular snacks - celery and peanut butter, apple slices and almond butter, nuts, that kind of stuff. I found myself opening the fridge to see what was in there after dealing with frustration, and realized...oh yeah, I'm not supposed to eat right now. Jason was leaving the gym and he grabbed an FRS chew. He opened it and then said, "oops! I can't have this." So he threw it away. The way that we eat is completely mindless.

Besides the weight loss, the cleanse is creating interesting and other not so pleasantly surprising results. I feel lighter on my yoga mat - more able to open up and more willing to reach further. I'm more mindful of my body while practicing and working out. I notice the signs of wanting to quit that are mental and I'm pushing through. I notice the physical tired signs and I have chosen to take it easier. My joints are feeling better - my knees were feeling very stiff before. The pain I had for the last several months in my calf has subsided, and the huge knot that was there is gone. I'll take this stuff for sure!

Through these first four days, I've come to the realization that I'm uncomfortable being uncomfortable. I notice this with the food I can/cannot eat. I notice this when I'm doing yoga and we are holding longer than I want to. I notice my internal whining when Jason is training me. I noticed it when I walked up Olive Street, the steepest street in Summerland. I noticed my body temperature rising and me getting really antsy for it to not rise. I noticed this when was freezing and I didn't know how to get warmer. At this point, all I wanted to do was eat to warm up, but I know there were other options - taking a walk, moving around, doing yoga, etc.

All of these opportunities of being uncomfortable are complete growing opportunities. We don't get anywhere being just comfortable. It's good to do at least one thing a day that makes us uncomfortable. As lululemon includes in their manifesto, "do one thing a day that scares you!" Truly, it's about making yourself uncomfortable so that you can grow into something bigger in your time on this planet!

Do something today that makes you uncomfortable - have that conversation that you've been dreading, go for a challenging hike, heck go run outside if it's freezing outside, try taking a yoga class at a studio, what about working with a personal trainer to exploit your weaknesses and make them less weak, brainstorm a new business idea. Do something you are not good at!!! Just put yourself out there and GO FOR IT!!!

Cha, Cha, Changes...

2011-01-03T20:56:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year for NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!!! I'm screaming that phrase out to computerland because everyone has thought about them in the last week, maybe 100 times today alone. I'm right there with you. I don't think about it as resolving anything really, I'm thinking about it more like NEW YEAR'S CREATIONS! What can I create in 2011? So, I want to create change. I think that is what my 2011 is going to be about. Strike that. 2011 will be about creating change. Change starts in small steps, so I'm starting with me.

I'm doing an 11-day cleanse, and Jason is joining me for the ride. We are both supporting each other to make this successful. When it comes to dieting, I am commitment-phobic. I make up the excuse that "I am an athlete and I work out too much to go on a diet." And then I had an interesting conversation on New Year's Eve night with one of my good friends who used to be a female pro-cyclist. She told me about the crazy lengths that people on her team would go to to stay thin. They dieted, no actually starved themselves to stay light on the bike. As an athlete, we need to diet to be healthy for our sport, and the weight we have should reflect eating to fuel our body. So much of dieting is around "being thin" and for me, I have always been generally happy about my body so I don't think I need to diet. I have also never wanted to associate myself, my personal image, anywhere near "dieting."

"But you are doing a cleanse," you say. "I'm thoroughly confused!"

Here's the thing, I've been under an immeasurable amount of stress over the last few years and I'm certain that my body is full of tons of toxins. I can hide stress pretty well. I don't bitch and complain about things, except to some of my closest friends and my mom. I get out my angst and then I move on. But man, that stress is still permeating my cells. As many say, "the issues are in the tissues." For instance, I have a knot in my shoulders that keeps coming back. I get a massage, I drink tons of water, and it comes back. I have tightness in my hips that I cannot shake. I can't shake the tightness with massage, or with yoga (be it inconsistent). So, I decided that this year, it's about making a bigger change. I'm cleansing out my toxins and starting my 2011 training season from a healthy place, cleansed on a cellular level and ready to rock it.

The program is an 11-day cleanse and am working with Health for Life International and the cleansing system, Isagenix. Now, I did a little research (emphasis on the little part) before deciding to do this cleanse. And when I googled, "Isagenix," the biggest hits I received was titled, "Is Isagenix a scam or not?" Skkkkeeeeeettttt! Yikes, I already agreed to sign up for this. So, I watched a youtube video from a news station on the product. Based on the test of n=2, it seems okay. Hahaha. I also have to add that it always depends on where information is coming from which we make our decisions. So, I'm working with Jill, one of the owners of Health for Life International. She is a chef, a yogi, health educator, and lives in Boulder, the endurance athlete mecca. So she knew where I was coming from. So, Jason and I said...let's go...and here we are.

This is a major disruption to my normal way of eating and living. For example:

Never in my life have I replaced meals with shakes. So, to say the least, this is way of out my comfort zone. Even when I drink smoothies, I would also have something I could chew.
I love coffee. I love coffee. I love coffee. And I don't get to drink coffee. Not even decaf.
I just got invited to a party to watch the National Championship Game and I didn't even open the invitation because I'm mentally trying to figure out how I can go to a party without eating anything or drinking any beer or wine.
I am a grazer. I love to eat and walk, eat and run, eat and wait....not even realize that I ate anything...and then still be hungry.
I get to have one healthy meal each day on the non-cleansing days. I look forward to this meal when I wake up in the morning. I am thus forced to change my ways of thinking and shift my mental energy into something more worthwhile.
Did I say I love coffee?

So, I keep reminding myself that this is an 11-day cleanse. I don't have to do this for the rest of my life. I also revisit my reasons for starting this. Most importantly it goes back to that initial desire to create a change....and change starts with me.

Challenge yourself this year to create a change that you have perhaps been thinking about, obsessively talking about, journaling about, etc. Blast yourself into 2011 and be the change!

Homeward Bound

2010-12-18T21:53:00.002-06:00

Just a little snow in front of my parents house....I'm glad I have new boots!

I cannot believe that it is almost Christmas! Wow, this year has been a whirlwind. One year ago, I never guessed that I would be having to fly home for Christmas. It's amazing what happens when you write things down on paper!

Seeing as how I was in a very different place last year compared to this year, I decided to take out my journal and see what I was writing about at that time. At this time last year, I was up at a life coaching workshop and wrote down what my future life looks like. This is what it entailed....

Waking up to music on my alarm clock, dancing in my sheets and not feeling rushed to turn it off. I would get up and enjoy a cup of coffee with a view of the mountains or the sea and not have to snarf breakfast down my face, and instead enjoy the morning. I would do the following....

-open a studio

-do teacher trainings

-have intimate relationships with friends

-be more spontaneous with my days

-be more creative

-have a dog to go running with

-become a professional triathlete

-travel for yoga

-travel for triathlons

That's fun to look at. When I see what I've done and what I haven't done, I'm thrilled at the things I've done and I'm so happy I didn't do some of the others. To review this list....

-wake up and see the mountains/sea. by golly, nice work Adrienne! I don't see the mountains or the sea right from my porch (because California is way to expensive and I have too much stuff), but I can run 8 minutes to get to the ocean, and take a few steps from my front door and see mountains. I can walk onto my porch and sea palm trees. That rocks!

- enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning without rushing. I have a cup of coffee while I check email, watch the Today show, and work on stuff while sitting in my pj's. I'm so glad I don't ever have to wear high heels. I have started to find that I am starting to miss how I started my day with a workout though, so I've decided that it was nice to do this and I've thoroughly enjoyed my coffee in the morning in my pj's, I might change things up again.

-open a studio. Instead, one of my teachers opened a studio. I left my studio and started off from scratch. Now I find myself hardly teaching, but starting an entirely different business approach to yoga within a fitness center.

-do teacher trainings. I am working on the application

-have intimate relationships with friends. This is one of the things on my list that I'm most happy about. Never in my life have I allowed myself to be vulnerable, have I taken the time to put others before my own plans, my schedule, my to-dos. This year was a first. I have been challenged in some of my friendships and relationships and as a result, I've grown more in this area of my life than any other.

-be more spontaneous with my days. As of right now, I have no plan of what I'm doing everyday. Hahaha. Each morning I get up and decide what I'm going to spend my time on. Sometimes it is productive, sometimes, I'm lazy. Three years ago, I would not be okay with being lazy because I was always comparing myself to what I used to do, it drove me crazy. I didn't feel good enough, I felt like a total loser. Now, I know that transitions take time and it's okay for things to be a little slower.

-be more creative. Um, I don't think I did a good job with this. I need to define this more for 2011.

-have a dog to go running with. I wanted to get a dog when we moved to California, but our place won't allow dogs. And since it was super hard to find a house, I was okay with waiting to get a pup.

-become a professional triathlete. This is funny. I wrote this down because I thought that was the next step, that was what I was supposed to strive for. Right now, I'm so far from wanting to be a professional athlete. I just want to enjoy triathlons as a hobby and help others find joy in the sport.

-travel for yoga. I haven't travelled to teach yoga, but I have travelled to practice yoga. I have moved across the country to teach yoga, so I think technically, that counts. I am working on a whole new plan on this for 2011 and it is so backwards of what I ever thought it would be. Stay tuned!

-travel for triathlons. I travelled for a lot of races this year and I found traveling to be very stressful. This year I plan to hardly travel at all in 2011.

As I travel home for the holidays, I am filled with hope, peace, joy and love. I am filled with peace for what I set out for my future to look like. I have tried some things that I thought I would like, and found that I disliked them. Additionally, I have never wanted to spend time with my family and friends as much as I do right now. I love that I am working on my dreams, but as I said...I worked on my relationships a lot in 2010 and I miss everyone so much. All the other stuff is just stuff. It matters, but I'm learning the joy of amazing relationships. I also really miss my mom and dad. Over the last two months, I've learned how much I appreciate them in my life, how much I love them, how much they love me, how happy I am that my dad is retiring in a few months and my parents will be able to travel on a whim together, and how I am really looking forward to their next visit! I am filled with hope for all that anchors me to keep going after my dreams and all the support I have from God and all those around me for making them all come true.

"No matter where you are, it is your friends (and family) who make your world."

One Step at a Time!

2010-12-15T16:02:00.007-06:00

How many times have we all heard the phrase, "one step at a time?" Think about it for a few minutes. In how many areas of our lives do we want to rush right through to get to the end, to the top, to the finish line, finish the conversation, get off the phone, mark everything off our to-do lists, get to the parking spot, get to the bloody answer? And we know that doing things one step at a time takes time. Time that we don't have, time we tell everyone about not having, time we wish we had, and time ultimately we don't want to take up on the journey of getting it done. Because we want it now, not later. Ahhhhh!!!!! How much do we want to know EVERYTHING? A dear friend of mine texted me the other night and said that he was discussing, with his coworkers about the idea of coming out of the, "KNOW and into the NOW." This is brilliant. I have to admit, I have used a phrase similar to this in my classes that one of my teachers, Baron Baptiste, writes about in his book, 40 Days to Personal Revolution. He actually deems this a law in his book. He states, "Drop What You Know" and later writes, "when you are in the NOW you will KNOW HOW!" What a concept. Isn't it almost annoying how simple that is really?

As I sit in the coffee shop and write, I am surrounded by many people needing to know everything. People reading the newspapers cover to cover, college kids studying for finals at UCSB (while they fastidiously check their phones for text messages), some are working on something just like me...and some are just being, absorbing, relaxing.

So much of our life is filled with learning through books, and now with the revolution in technology, we can find anything and everything online. We can take the fast track towards being an expert in everything. We can get a college degree in something like a year from some online sources, we can become an ordained minister, a life coach, a yoga teacher (I'm shaking inside as I type this one because it makes me crabby-I'll save that for another topic though), a certified financial planner, a personal trainer, the list goes on. Sometimes just by simply having a web page, you have become an expert to many people who find your page...without even putting the work in to be an expert. Even more scary than an online yoga teacher training course....okay, letting that one go now.

Bottom line of all of this is that we are in a rush, always a rush, to get to what's next. I watched, Eat, Pray, Love this weekend, a movie based on a book that sparked my own journey of self exploration several years ago. One of the characters in the movie says something like this, "You American's don't know how to live, how to relax, how to do nothing." How true is this! We are in such a hurry to buy all the kids everything on their darn Christmas lists that we start to hate the holidays because they bring on so much stress, and they are supposed to be about a time of celebration, a time of hope, peach, joy and love. It's not easy to experience hope, peace, joy and love when we are in such a damned hurry! And just as I finished typing this sentence, no joke, an older gentleman in Starbucks says to me, "why don't you look happy?" I responded and said with a smile, "I'm happy. I was just writing and thinking." And he says, "Well, whatever you are worrying about, it's not worth not being happy." And instantly I had several thoughts...1)I am actually enjoying myself right now, but weird that my face doesn't show it. Good to be called out on that. 2)What is it with this chair at Starbucks? Last time I was here I didn't get anything done because I shared an amazing conversation with another super interesting man who saves wolves, does architecture, and was thoroughly entertaining on the topic of plastic surgery in California. 3) I am not going to finish this blog entry right now. 4)Practice what you preach, girlfriend and don't be in a hurry to end this conversation.

And with this conversation, I had a new idea for giving the gift of yoga to others. I love when this happens...and it happened because I wasn't needing to KNOW, and I was in the NOW - fully present and committed to the conversation I was having. It was awesome and I was thankful for having those thoughts of gloom to greatness!

This same thing happened just yesterday while on a hike with Jason. It was a gloomy day in Santa Barbara's standards - 50, foggy and damp. Since he broke his collarbone, he can still walk so we decided to go on a long hike. At the bottom of the mountain it was just as I described -gloomy and cold.

As we started ascending, I could see a hint of blue sky through the clouds. My heart was pounding pretty hard. Anyone that hasn't hiked much, I encourage you to hike in the mountains. It's really good exercise and you work a lot of different muscles in your body that we aren't used to working just by walking on flat land all the time (ahem....lots of you live in Illinois, so perhaps this is a chance to travel!). We kept moving forward, moving up, one step at a time and as we moved up, I started to peal off layers of clothes.

All of a sudden, it was sunny and we were above the clouds. It reminded me of being on top of Haleakala in Maui. It looked like we were on the moon. We kept moving up and the view got better and better each step of the way, and by that time I was sweating and in a tank top. It was funny how the day started out so gloomy just a few miles away and now it was absolutely marvelous. Had we not started at the bottom in the gloominess, and made that tough uphill journey, the view, the weather, the spectacle of where we were, would not have been as meaningful.

We didn't know that it was going to be that nice at the top either. That is annoying sometimes, isn't it? We don't want to do the work. We want to know what "the end" is going to be like. We don't want to take things one step at a time. But when we do, we realize how magnificent the trip was and how much we enjoyed each step of the way.

While on this 3 hour hike, I got another business idea. One that I had thought about a long time ago, one that I had prayed about figuring out how to do it. Being in the NOW, I KNOW HOW!!!

The light is so bright....we need some serious shades!

(Major thanks to Jason for the beautiful photos)

An Update from the Sunshine State!

2010-12-13T18:08:00.000-06:00

We have been out in California for a solid month now. I can't freaking believe it! I am very happy that it has not snowed, that I don't have to worry about shoveling my driveway, scraping ice off my windshield and that I can walk outside to my car at 10:30 at night and not have to put on boots and a huge winter jacket. That being said, I am still confused about the weather and the lack of a season....but apparently it is winter here, but sooo not really. Mom sent me pictures this weekend of all the snow back in Chicago. Yowie! On the same day, I rode outdoors in a shirt and shorts and was sweating. This photo had me suggest um, "Mom, can we do Christmas in California next year?"

Jason and I have had a lot going on and also not a lot going on. I haven't been "working" like I was working a few months ago. I don't put 8 hours in sitting down at a desk like three years ago. I feel that instead, I've been learning. Learning about putting my teaching to work on my real life. I spent the last month just landing here. It is the first time that I have all of my own personal belonging, besides my ice-skating trophies, in one location. In my house. We have a cute little house in a great location. I can run on sidewalks/trails about 9 minutes to the beach. It is a 5 mile bike-ride on bike trails to the gym, and even less than that to Starbucks (trouble!!!). Fortunately, Jason and I have made friends with a few retired pro-cyclists who are working on opening a coffee business in Santa Barbara and so we have gotten a chance to try out fun new roasts they have created.

I'm not going to lie - starting over is not easy. I feel like I've started over again and again and again already this year. This time I'm starting over completely! I feel as though I am in the exact same spot I was in when I quit working at Sara Lee almost exactly three years ago. So much uncertainty...which, when I've let it consume me turns into doubt, fear, and sometimes feelings that moving away from everything that was so stable was a bad idea. As the famous saying goes, "The hard way, leads to the easy life." Jason and I are definitely fully immersed in the hard way. Is our life really hard, no. Do we have enough money to eat? Yes. Starting over many aspects of our life out here has been pretty easy. We have a great support network of friends that are like are second family and we've met a fabulous group of friends - triathletes, cyclists, yogis - all lovers of life. I've never felt so welcomed into a community in such a short period of time - even cyclists who by in large usually tend to be assholes, they are even welcoming. It didn't hurt that our first big group ride was on Thanksgiving....so everyone was a little chill that day.

As I mentioned, I feel very similar to the way that I felt when I first decided to leave a job that I didn't like. I thought that I was going to have a consulting gig lined up and that ended up falling through. Now, I have opportunities for yoga...but it's not just handed to me on a silver platter (which would be nice, but we know not how the universe really has it planned). I have to create it!

So Jason and I are both working out of a gym just south of Santa Barbara called Platinum Performance Fitness. Platinum is a really awesome gym with great trainers, a great following of clients and some majorly huge superstars that train out of there - Lance Armstrong being one of them. As a result of the great experience there, there is a massive following of athletes in the area. It's pretty awesome that we were invited to train/teach here! Jason is a trainer at both locations (Montecito and Summerland) and I am teaching yoga above the Summerland location in a beautiful space that overlooks the ocean. Being patient about work has been my biggest challenge since I got here. Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions..my goodness! Opening my own business was easier.

The question I get asked all the time is, "so how is your new studio doing?" I had an opening while I was practicing yoga last week that I don't want to open another yoga studio right now. I don't feel like it's the right calling for me, the right challenge for me, and also not something that I really want to do again right now. I thought, hmmmm, maybe I want to just have a job that I don't have to be inventing something again, thinking about how to position myself, figuring out what the world needs and how to deliver it. I had a connection at lululemon in Santa Barbara and got asked for an interview. PERFECT! This is what I would love to do. I love the store, I love the brand, the people the manifesto, etc. I can immerse myself in the fitness and goal setting world. And then I didn't get the job. I was sad. The thought that overtook me was, I'm not good enough for anything! I can't get people in my classes, I can't get a part-time job, I don't think this is going to work for me. This isn't what I teach though, so I couldn't think this way either. Change is challenging, but in order for the world to be a better place, change is inevitable....and I have to be the change.

Instead of trying so hard, I'm opting to take advantage of this downtime. And I wouldn't really call it downtime. I've thrown myself into getting outside, meeting new people, enjoying myself, and learning new skills. My goal about two years ago was to get audio classes on the internet. I was always too busy and too impatient to spend the time to figure this out. So, I spent the time to do it. My podcasts will be on itunes soon, but in the mean time check out my podcasts online by clicking here. I've also created a Power Yoga DVD. It will be available for sale soon! Click here for details.

All seemed to be heading into a positive direction. I had a few classes lined up to teach a few club volleyball teams, Jason had his new business cards and was working with a pro super-cross racer. And then I got a phone call from Jason, 15-minutes before teaching asking if I was teaching tonight. It was weird, so I called him on it. And his response was, "I think I screwed up." I asked what happened, and he responded by telling me that crashed on a mountain bike ride and he thinks he broke his collarbone. I've never broke a bone (knock on wood), so I don't know what that feels like, but I know it doesn't feel good. Sure enough, after an x-ray, yep Jason has a broken collarbone. We had a few tough couple of days...just low spirit days. Right when it all seemed to be making progress in the working world, I feel like we are being asked again, "how badly do you really want this?"

As a result, I've chosen to surrender. I'm doing work for my business but I'm also just being. Enjoying the downtime that I know I will be begging for in a few months. I'm exploring not being a busy bee. And in that, I've also learned a new favorite thing....search for sea glass. This morning I left class and walked down to the beach. I saw a guy that was really excited looking for stuff in the rocks in the ocean. I asked him what he was looking for and he showed me a piece of sea glass. He told me about finding it, where it all comes from, and how valuable it is. It was amazing. So, I walked along the beach. I felt the water crash up on my legs as I looked for trash that has turned into beauty among rocks that you would never guess holds all this beauty. I can't wait to go out and look for more!

Laugh about it first!

2010-10-28T14:41:00.012-05:00

Jason and I getting ready to roll out of Indy...thanks Kyle for help with the truck!

Everything in our life is a lesson that we can learn from if we are paying attention - boy have I had a lot of lessons this year! What is amazing is that each obstacle that I've come across has helped me get through something else a little bit easier, has helped me laugh a little bit instead of scream. I think I've learned more this year than any other year of my life because I have been walking around awake instead of sleepwalking. What in the world does that mean? Ever since I started practicing yoga, I have taken a new approach to my life. It started out with my physical body - making healthier food choices, exercising more, eating to fuel my body instead of for a reward, and that growth just continues. But I have fallen off the wagon here and there - especially when my students give me two bags of m&m's, and containers of chocolate almonds for my road-trip out to Santa Barbara. Fortunately, we also had some healthy snacks along the way too to balance things out thanks to Clara and Jason's mom. Thanks for all the treats everyone!

Jason and my decision to head west was not the easiest decision to make but it's one of those things that we've both always thought about and have always let something hold us back. A girl at lululemon athletica in Santa Barbara asked me yesterday, "how come you decided to move out here?" My response was, "I just wanted to." And she responded by saying, "Why not right?" Today someone asked me, "what brings you to Santa Barbara?" and I responded with, "everything and nothing." Does it have to take some THING to bring us somewhere, really? What if it's just part of the journey? This corresponds with yoga so well....truthfully....the less you expect out of it, the more you get. This corresponds with life so well...the less you expect, the more you get. This corresponds with relationships so well...the less you expect, the more you get. Do you see a pattern? The part that is important, however, is that you have to GIVE 100%. There was something that Jason showed me recently from Simple Truths about giving 100%, expecting 0% and before you know it, you are getting 100%....but it has to come from expecting NOTHING!

Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent. I've officially been out of the midwest for a week. Our journey out west began on Monday the 1st where we headed to St. Louis and picked up my parents for the rest of our road trip. From St. Louis we made it to Oklahoma City for stop #1. From Oklahoma City we went to Flagstaff, AZ and then the last day we got into Santa Barbara, CA. I rode part of the ride with my mom and part of the ride with Jason. Jason rode part of the ride with my dad and part of the ride with me. We all had a super fun time on the drive. I didn't expect anything from the drive - read some books, play some road games and that was about it. The entire time we drove we talked or just enjoyed the scenery. I picked up a book for about 20 minutes. I didn't want to miss out on the drive though. There was too much to see, too much to take in...and so I just decided to be. Even if being did not involve any conversations. It was so amazing. The purplish sunset in Arizona was beautiful, the time spent sharing a room with my parents was awesome, the thrill we got about having a waffle maker at our continental breakfast was classic.

We arrived in Santa Barbara to our dear friends Jack and Marguerite's house where they are allowing us to stay until we find a place to live. Yep, Jason and I came out here without a place to live. Four days before we were leaving, the apartment we were supposed to rent fell through. So, instead of freaking out and trying to find a place we were going to end up hating, we said let's just go out there and figure it out. That was one of my first practices in Equanimity (meeting the world as it meets us without the typical Adrienne freak-out session). Sure, when the lady at the apartment complex called to tell me that we couldn't get the apartment, I cried. And the tears were not because of the reality of it, it was the story I was putting around it. I thought to myself, I'm 30 years old and I need a freaking cosigner on an apartment. Really? I'm moving across the country and I don't have a place to live? Really? And the pity party began and I cried. It didn't take me long to realize that I was creating this drama, and I was choosing the drama. The reality of it was we didn't have an apartment. We did, however, have a place to sleep when we arrived. So why the big deal??? The ridiculous part was the thoughts I was having about myself not being "a grown up" enough to get this all figured out before I left. In the grand scheme of it all, this doesn't matter. So, on with the show.

Jason and I are staying at our friend's place and doing our best to land here. I've immersed myself into the yoga community, into the beauty of the outdoors and just the shear amazement that I live between the mountains and the oceans. It is amazing!!!! When I think about this, the other stuff about not having a place to live of our own just yet and starting up new businesses in a relatively foreign place is all just a matter of logistics and things falling into place - which we both know they will.

Some of my highlights of our trip....

1) the smell of the salt water when we first got close to the ocean on our drive.

2) enjoying every second of my parents' company while we drove, hung out, moved our stuff into storage, found a place that we really liked, didn't get the place we really liked, had them meet our friends, see where we are living, be apart of where we are living, and now looking forward to the holidays so much more than I ever have in my life.

dad being funny at the farmer's market

3) knowing that I can always count on the workers at Trader Joe's being real, authentic and super nice.

4) my dad coming to his 3RD yoga class after he requested it after passing by lululemon and telling me, "lululemon has a free yoga class on Sunday, did you know that?"

5) my mom grunting when another yoga teacher said, "this is a flowing practice. We will be doing a few chaturangas."

6) seeing the view of the ocean from the new place where I will be teaching yoga

7) smelling the outdoors on a bike ride

8) bike lanes EVERYWHERE!!!!

9) my heavy coaster bike that I ride to and from yoga, up major hills

my coaster bike

10) going to a yoga class with a Baptiste instructor, and an assistant and feeling like I walked into my family. I have to elaborate here a bit.... I went to a yoga class on Thursday and it was AMAZING To walk into a foreign space but finding my people instantly. Kelly, Becca, Melanie...I cannot thank you enough for just being you!!!

11) going to a kick-ass arm balancing workshop on Sunday and getting into Scorpion on my own

12) for the first time in as long as I can remember, not having a pinching in my left shoulder when I lift my arms over my head. I don't know what happened, but it is amazing!

13) seeing a palm tree through a window when I looked upwards on twisting chair in yoga class

14) riding my bike to my new gym (where I will be teaching yoga), and having bike lanes almost the entire way....oh, and seeing the ocean while riding my bike to work:)

Platinum Fitness in Summerland, CA. Yoga room is upstairs

Yoga room....view of the ocean

15) the interesting people on State Street. It brings me back to days at Madison.

16) Jason and I agreeing that if the homeless people can make it in Santa Barbara, we will be able to as well.

17) the farmer's market on Saturday morning. Oh My Goodness! It was amazing!!! Everyone let's you sample so it's like going to Whole Foods but WAY BETTER!!! I've never tasted strawberries so good....or realized why almonds cost so much. It's a lot of work to get those suckers out of the shell!!!

grapes, grapes and more grapes!

18) going to a winery with my parents and my mom meeting her new BFF's

I don't think I've ever seen my parents so happy together (awwwww)

19) my dad and Jason discussing how they are going to refurbish an old car that my dad can drive 365 days of the year IF he moves to California;)

20) being able to keep the windows open...without screens on them

21) the feeling of being ALIVE the moment I wake up in the morning and smell the fresh air

22) smiling when it rained, feeling the freshness of a rain, the need for rain.

23) driving my own car out here....on the hills...wow, those hills are hilly!!!

24) running along side the ocean...

25) riding along side the ocean...

26) nope - haven't swam in the ocean. I'm not in a hurry quite yet.

27) spending some time landing here....I always rush into things because I feel like I have to prove myself. Right now, I'm spending some time figuring out what I want to do, what I feel like the right thing to do is, networking, taking everything in, and giving to myself. It's astounding how much I can tell is in motion, how things are working out but they aren't figured out yet. My yoga practice has been a true saving grace for me.

28) seeing my yoga studio in Naperville flourish because of the amazing people who give to it every day - Thank you!!!

29) crying with my mom at the airport and realizing how much my parents mean to me. It's funny how it's a sad thing to cry, but really I'm so thankful that I have parents that love and support me the way that they do - through everything I've done and not done. I have found a new bond with my parents after this trip.

30) and lastly...being able to share this new experience, this new journey, this new life, this new beginning with Jason. Having someone by my side has warmed my heart when it starts to feel a little down. It is so good to go through all these new uncertain steps together.

As I type all of these things out...I realize that it is so not the big things that make life worth living & worth smiling about...it's the little things. I think I could add another 50 things to this list that have happened over the last week that have made me smile as well as cringe. The things that made me cringe, have started to make me laugh...I wish that I would have laughed sooner. So, I will make that my intention for this next week...laugh about it, instead of complain about it, instead of fretting about it, letting it bog me down. I challenge you to do the same!!!

Mom "grande mocha frappucino" and I with our coffee...

It's never too early for ice-cream. They say you end up with someone like your dad;)

Cold Springs Tavern in Santa Barbara

To move forward, we must be willing to get unstuck!

2010-10-11T11:40:00.009-05:00

Things often pop up in our lives when we need them most and depending how cloudy our vision is at the time, we may or may not see them. Last November, a message popped up in my facebook page about attending Yoga Life Coaching Certification. I had probably seen that invite and or a message about it at least a dozen times before, but it ended up back in my inbox at the perfect time. It was the week after I completed the last race of my season, I was contemplating a divorce from my 5-year marriage and I had conveniently already cleared my teaching schedule for other plans so I just happened to have a work-free weekend. I inquired about the program, and got just enough information that I said, "Yep! This sounds like just what I need personally and professionally." So, I headed up to Kohler Wisconsin and attended a Life Coaching Certification Program led by one of my favorite teachers, Deborah Williamson and attended by several other amazing teachers - yoga teachers, music teachers, parents, hypnotists, nutrition teachers, etc. It is a year later and I realize now how much that weekend changed my life.

Ten of us sat around in a circle and discussed life coaching. I myself had heard of it but didn't really know what a life coach was. A life coach is someone you work with one-on-one, to point you in the right direction, help define goals, discover what your personal barriers and obstacles are, and offer you a different perspective on things in life. They can help you get unstuck. Cha-Ching! This was exactly what I needed at that point in my life. I was spinning in circles trying to figure out how to get unstuck and I needed someone, other than myself, to guide me and empower me to move forward in my life - not give me advice.

As part of our training, we were given the task of coaching each other through things that we were allowing to keep us stuck. I helped coach my peers and then I chose the role of being coached. Choosing to be coached on anything in life means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Now, I hate when people tell me what to do. I hate when I get a message from my triathlon coach after a run that says "I thought we agreed not to run for awhile," or, "don't eat ice-cream before bed." I'm paying someone to coach me, but I have to put my usual behaviors and my point of view aside sometimes because I want to be the best I can be in triathlon. I remember going out for a group run in high school track and my coach asking me, "how are you feeling today?" and my response was, "my legs feel like tree trucks, just super heavy." And he tells me, "okay, today we're laying off. No high jump practice, just take it easy." I always push through things so I hated taking it easy, but he knew that heavy legs meant I was run-down. I had clouded vision, so I couldn't see that. Now that I like to think that I'm an adult and I can think for myself, I question everything someone tells me to do. So, part of being coached is letting go of the need to know WHY all the time, and putting your trust in the process of it all.

Life coaching is the same thing. A life coach sees things differently. They see reality, not the bullshit that we, as humans, add to our life story. Well, they see the bullshit too, lovingly point it out as bullshit and help us see the difference between them both. Anyway, back to my "getting coached" experience.... We had to write down three things...

1) what is our life like now

2)what is our ideal life

3) what barriers are present to realizing our ideal life.

I have all my clients do this exercise. Putting things down on paper can make things crystal clear.

Before this exercise, I didn't think I had any barriers. I thought I was fearless, I would do anything...and through this exercise, my coaches helped me realize that all I did was play it safe. I did just enough in training to meet my objectives for the workouts. I was in a marriage that was great, but based more on others ideals than mine. I lived somewhere that was not my ideal. I did enough for my business to keep things going, but not really growing and I didn't allow myself to have people in my life that I shared any of this with and I was FREAKING STUCK! As I stood up to share this aloud, my fellow life coaches saw the reality of my life, they saw my potential in life and they called me out on taking calculated risks. Now, I thought to myself...HOW DARE YOU? I don't need your help! I quit a job to open a yoga studio. I took a major chance in life. Realistically, I knew it wasn't it risk. Sure, it was different than what I did before but I believed in it 100% based on the growing need for yoga and specifically Baptiste Power Yoga, how successful it was going to be. Truly, it was a calculated risk. Never had I risked everything without calculation. HUH!...REALLY? Now that was humbling. And I started to cry, like really cry. At that moment, I felt so broken, so vulnerable. But surrounded by these teachers, I felt safe and so I admitted to all my thoughts and judgments and in that I realized how much I WAS THE ONLY ONE HOLDING ME BACK from my ideal life. I had nobody to blame, and I didn't need to blame myself either....I needed to move forward. We are powerless when we sit in blame, jealousy, fear, pity, and doubt. We can't move forward on anything in life until we become aware of it and face it head on. I didn't want to play it safe anymore. I didn't want to be stuck, but I had to be willing to do the work to get unstuck.

And this year has been a lot of work...Work on myself, work on my priorities, work on knowing the difference between what I really want and what I really need, work on managing expectations, not taking things personally, taking risks, realizing that I don't have to do it all, I don't have to be perfect and forgiving myself over and over again. I must say that not having to be perfect has been the most freeing thing in the world! Now, all of this didn't come to the surface in that one weekend, but it has happened over the course of this year. I have been anxious and antsy for it all to come together, but as many famous people have quoted, "patience is the greatest of all virtues."

Being patient takes effort and doing the work on ourselves also takes effort. It doesn't just happen - no lucky horse shoes, no golden ticket.

Straight up- hard work, patience and faith.

In a nutt-shell, this year has been the biggest year of growth of my life. I didn't know that I would turn 30 and literally, everything would change - and I mean everything!!!

Triathlon: When I trained for my first Ironman, I put 100% effort into training. What did I get, a rolldown to Kona. Compared to that season and last season, I probably put about 50% of the effort into this season. What did I get, a mediocre season (for me). It took me until the end of my season to quit beating myself up over it and accept it. Wow that feels good!

Relationships: they are a two-way street. I've lost quite a few because I didn't do my part. I've lost quite a few because someone else didn't do their part. It happens and nobody is to blame. I've created some amazing ones this year because I focused on it and I've let some relationships flow into what they are instead of what I thought they needed to be. I also made the choice to leave a very comfortable, easy, loving relationship. Now I am in a new relationship that has proved to be complicated and challenging but so full of growth, beauty and perfect on all accounts.

Where I live: I have spent the last 11 months living with my dear friends, figuring out my next steps. They have been patient and supportive. With a deep passion for the outdoors and a strong desire (I know I've had it since I got my first job offer in San Francisco, in college) to live in California, Jason and I have decided to follow our dreams of living along the west coast. We will leave for Santa Barbara on November 1st. Risky - a little, but still a little calculated. We have friends there, we have jobs lined up and eventually we will have a place to live.

Yoga Studio: has been greatly successful because, since before I opened I always gave it 100% effort. It has been my baby. Even when I don't teach all the classes, I'm constantly thinking about it and believing in it. At this time last year, I had just started having permanent teachers on the schedule. While I wanted a teacher, other than myself, since I opened...when I got a permanent one, I was challenged! I started to let go a bit, have a little freedom for other things and also found a completely new perspective on my business. Now, as I head out west, I will still own the business and run the business but I am putting my faith in my teachers and my staff to keep it growing.

My life is always moving and changing. This year it changed more than it ever has before and not because it just happened. Nothing was an accident. It was all a choice. Each choice I made led me down a path with even more choices. Some of the choices were easy, some of them were very difficult. I learned more about myself when I had to make the difficult choices, not the easy ones. At times, I felt like a major whack-job. And at those times I broke down and felt stuck - and it happened a lot! Ultimately breaking down was an opportunity to break through. To choose to get unstuck. It's easier to stay in bed and sleep. It's easier to eat crap food that nourishes our emotions instead of our bodies. It's hard to choose forward motion. Just like in an Ironman, it's a mental game of putting one foot in front of the other when our body just wants to sit down on the pavement, but we know at the end there is a finish line.

This year was the tip of the iceberg on breaking through all of those barriers that I wrote down in November that held me back on realizing my ideal life. Am I over it all, no. Am I done growing, oh no. I'm positive that this next month, I will grow. Each decision I make is not meant to make my life easy, but it is meant for me to grow to my fullest potential. That is what God wants for us, what the universe wants for us. It's not easy, but the hard road leads to the easy life. It takes work to get unstuck...and most of the time, if not all of the time....we need help!

Uncertainty vs. Fear

2010-08-24T17:27:00.003-05:00

Here's to falling out of many future handstands on the beach....

I often read passages in my yoga classes from a book by Melody Beattie called, Journey to the Heart." It has 365 passages in it dated to read each day if you wish. I pick and choose by flipping the pages until I stop and then I read that passage. It's quite amazing how the passage speaks right to my heart no matter where it is that I am in the journey of my life.

More recently, I committed myself to reading a daily passage from Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates. It has 365 passages from which the author, a famous yoga teacher, recommends reading one passage per day. It is a great tool for opening the door to possibility in every part of my life - yoga, triathlon, and just daily living.

Each day is a journey and this chapter of my journey started with uncertainty as most of our journeys do. We don't embark on anything truly worthwhile when we are certain really, it is when we are in a place of inquiry, wonder and creation that we do our best work. If we were dead set on our bodies only running ability to be as long as a 5K, we would only run 5Ks and nothing longer. When we are inspired and in a place of wonder, we start thinking that maybe it is possible to go longer, add a new sport in the mix, a new challenge, or something that we have never even attempted before. The same goes for yoga. If we believe that the most we will do on our yoga mats is stay in child's pose, we most likely won't even consider trying anything more. But if we believe that it may be possible for our bodies to start opening up and our tight spots to loosen up, we will show up each day doing as much as we can to get there. Injuries will show up to set us back, outside commitments will pull us away from our mats, and even our thoughts will turn to impossibility sometimes, but this is the fun part of the journey. The small steps forward make us forget the ten steps back. Randy Pausch, the author of "The Last Lecture" writes that the brick walls are put up to show us how badly we really want something.

This is how I began my fitness journey. I knew I could run because I did it in high school. Not long, but I was certain that I could at least complete a running race. So I did a few 5Ks and then stepped it up to marathons. 26.2 miles is a long way, but I knew with training that I could do it because I knew how to run. That was nine years ago. About five years ago, one of my good friends did a triathlon. She was a swimmer, she ran, and she biked in spinning class. So, she had her bases covered. She did a triathlon and I thought to myself..."well, I'm pretty fit. I think I could do that." I didn't do it right away though, but I was in awe of those that told me they were doing them. It was as though my ears heard every conversation about triathlon from the sprints to Half-Ironmans, I started getting really excited about the idea of it. I didn't know how to swim though....like really swim. Sure, I could dive for pennies in the pool and swim underwater the entire way in a 25 yard pool, but I didn't know how to swim like a real swimmer. I remember my first swim lesson at the KC Health Center with my friend Katie (the same friend who did a triathlon). I watched her swim, and flip turn, and I felt inspired. I gave it a go...I made it 25 yards and thought I was about ready for a heart attack. All in all, I think I made it maybe 200 yards total for that visit to the pool - that included many breaks. I remember thinking, okay that was a nice try but that was not what I would call fun. Around the same time, I started taking spinning classes at Gold's Gym. My friends and I would go 3 times each week. I loved it. Rockin' music and a crazy hard workout. Shortly after beginning spin classes, I bought some clip shoes. That made a huge difference on the spin bikes. About a year later, I bought a road bike. Another friend of mine went on bike rides with a group and she wore padded bike shorts. The idea of that scared the crap out of me- riding with others and more so the diaper butt. I never did go on the group ride in Wisconsin with Angie, but I did buy padded shorts and I went out alone. I loved the alone time on the roads. I loved the strong tail wind on the way out that made me feel as though I was an amazing biker. I hated the head wind on the way back after I had gone riding too long, I hated falling off my bike while standing still because I was clipped into my pedals but I learned something new each time...new roads to bike on, new roads not to bike on, to do loops when riding to balance out the head/tail winds, how to unclip fast, wear bike gloves, carry enough water to spray dogs on the road, bring a phone for flats to call your friends to pick you up when you bring the wrong CO2 cartridge, etc. So I had aced the biking, for the most part, I had the run in the bag but I was still scared shitless to swim. When I moved back to the Chicago suburbs four years ago, I joined a gym and I taught myself to freestyle as a tool for cross-training for marathons and because I committed myself to a triathlon in 2007. Harbor Lights in Waukegan Illinois was my first ever triathlon in June of 2007. I was more excited than nervous. I finally learned how to freestyle, I felt pretty good at it and I was a rockin' runner and a decent cyclist. I seeded myself at the front of the my wave and I busted into the water like a bat out of hell. I started to freestyle and I started to flipping freak out! I thought I was going to drown, I kept getting hit, I hated it, I hated it, I hated it. So I started doing breast stroke and back stroke as fast as I could. Ahhh, relief. I made it the 750 meters to the beach and felt a lot better because I was back on land, where us mammals belong.

Fast forward to today, August of 2010...several triathlons under my belt and now cycling is my favorite part of the sport, I only like to run when I get off of my bike and I'm still scared as hell every time I start swimming in a race. Just this last weekend, I did a sprint triathlon with a 500 meter swim. The moment I got in the water and started going hard, I got scared. There is something about swimming fast that causes me to panic. Was it that first swim that did it to me? I have no idea, but I still keep signing up for races. Not because I'm expecting to be the first out of the water at a triathlon but because I know that feeling is probably a mix of excitement of going face-to-face with my fear of not being the best at something (swimming) and having that showcased to the world, frustration because I swim a few times each week and I'm not showing signs of improvement, pain because swimming in a race is challenging, and faith that I am just where I'm supposed to be in my triathlon journey.

Back to that book, Meditations from the Mat. Day 11's passage talks about making our practice a priority and the author mentions that he is amazed that homeless people, who have no money, can afford to get drunk everyday. There is so much power in making something a priority. If you need shelter, you will make it a priority to get it. If you want to get drunk, you will find a way to do it. Think about Rudy, he was bound to be on the Notre Dame football team, and he did it. He showed up every day 100% committed to showing his support.

Triathlon is the same thing. Why do we get up everyday and train our butts off even if we aren't winning? Because we love the journey. We love the way it feels in our bodies. When we have bad days, it allows us to appreciate the good days. The last sprint triathlon I did (same exact race as this weekend), I took my first DNF (did not finish) because of an injury. I sat on the pier and cried after that race because I wanted to show up big. This time, I took first place. Both were equally as emotional, in different ways and both are part of my journey.

Yoga is no different. Rolf Gates writes that "by practicing yoga, our spiritual growth is important to us. Our practice is the shelter for our spiritual selves. The winds of life will constantly wear away at our shelter, but if we stick to our tools, our shelter will hold."

One of my dear friends, gave me the book Meditations from the Mat after I told her that I was moving to California in November. Now, when I started telling people of this big move, the looks on people's faces and the tone of people's voices varied - from pure fear, anxiety, worry and tears to complete elation, joy, faith, and hope - and just about everything in between, well maybe not just yet because not everyone knows. Anyway, my friend who gave me this book wrote in the front cover, "Thank you for being my light. I wish you all the best." This meant so much to me because she has seen me go through so much uncertainty over the last year and I continue not to settle for comfortable. One of my yoga teachers said to me once, "you want to be so uncomfortable when you share something big that it makes you feel like you are going to throw up. That's when you know you are speaking from the heart." The fear is what makes you feel like you are going to vomit, not the uncertainty that it will all work out - because we know everything always does! I am certain that I have enough swim training to get me to the end of a 2.4 mile swim (when I'm trained for it), but fear causes me to feel like I'm going to vomit before my toe hits the starting line. My move brings a lot of uncertainty to many people, including my dear friend who gave me this book, all of my friends, my family and myself. But it is important to differentiate uncertainty from fear. Uncertainty is where creation is possible. I have a few bricks on my path to California laid - love of my life; check, Power of Your Om covered by awesome teachers; check, job; check, support from everyone I love; check, and continuing my yoga practice to ensure I'm capable to weather the storms, check.

Refocusing MY Lens

2010-07-13T13:20:00.002-05:00

Never say "never" Getting ready for my first crit!

"Are you doing an Ironman this year?" That is the question I've received from people more than any other triathlon question so far this year. The answer, "NO! THANK GOD!"

This season has been a major change up in the triathlon world for me. I decided to focus on getting faster in the short distance stuff versus training for endurance in long course. That doesn't mean that I'm not doing triathlons and that I'm not training as hard, it just means that I have a change of focus. My focus of what is important changes as often as I change my underwear, which is more than some other people change their underwear, I am learning. I've also been asked, "what is your 'A' race this year?" Honestly, I don't have one. I'm just training and racing and after this weekend, I realized that my focus has shifted from winning to having fun. If the winning happens, bonus. Sure, I would love to be that person that is on the podium race after race after race but I haven't made it to the podium at any of my triathlons this year. My mental focus has been on making it to the podium that I've lost my focus of having fun.

Just a few weeks ago, I had a few of my triathlete friends come over to my house do an open water swim. Yes, that's right - they came to my house to do this. I LIVE ON A LAKE! Okay, hello McFly! It wasn't until well into this hot summer that I took advantage of this....and it wasn't until they came over and someone said, "Wow...this is like a triathletes dream home!" You don't know the half of it, I thought! I'm not bragging but I have a good life - At my homestay in Naperville, I have a lake in my backyard, a hot-tub on my patio, enough equipment in my garage to do my own personal training sessions, I live a half mile away from an awesome crushed limestone trail, a 9-minute ride to open roads for biking, I get adjusted regularly by my roommate chiropractor, my other roommate cooks all organic, gluten-free meals for me when I'm home, I get to take as much yoga as I want because I own a yoga studio and FINALLY have teachers during my season, I get to train whenever I want really...and yet I have been blinded by this. My lens has been way out of focus.

I have been looking at triathlon as a job lately instead of a hobby, something I do for fun. I almost feel like I've been living a life that isn't meant for me and trying to make it fit. Back in December, I met with a coach to talk about my goals for the season and figure out how I wanted to move forward. I had set some big goals that were going to require a little different approach than I took last year - in other words, I wasn't going to be able to race half-Ironman's every other weekend. This was what I wanted to do to achieve the goals that I put out for myself. Well, over the last several months, I've realized that those goals weren't necessarily goals that I want right now. I've had a lot of change going on in my life in the last several months and being the "I can take on everything" girl that I am, I figured why not? Well, truth be told...I want to have fun working out again and I had lost it because it was just too rigid. I threw my original goals of the season and decided to start over.

What does that mean? It means...I don't have a training plan, I don't have a coach, I don't have a training to do list, I don't have a racing schedule, and I also don't feel exhausted every night I lay down in bed. And for the first time in a long, long, long time, I don't wake up and walk to the bathroom in the morning like I am 90 years old. Now, don't get me wrong...I loved this last year. I loved the feeling of utter exhaustion when I plopped on my bed at night. I loved the satisfaction that came from an ass-kicking workout...and I still do, but the difference is that right now, I'm figuring out what I want to do. If I want to do it all, I'm going to. If I want to do nothing, I'm going to chill and I'm not going to obsess about it. I might not rock out my fastest run splits of my life because I'm only running short distances a few days a week. Am I in shape, yes! I have a six-pack for the first time in my life AND I'm having a beer or a glass of wine like every day. Am I in shape for Ironman, good God NO! I often wonder how I biked 112 miles several times last year. What I have right now is balance.

Last year, I started to notice when I was getting out of balance - I noticed when I was doing too much training and not enough yoga. I noticed when I was doing too much yoga, and not enough training. The seven pounds I gained in the winter woke me up to the fact that I was eating too many dark chocolate almonds and not enough life-giving food. I paid attention to when I was starting to hate training and I then asked myself "what is up?" There were many times that I started to cry, thinking that I wasn't suppose to do this anymore. Parts of my body were falling apart (feet, achilles, calves, shoulder, etc.) and it wasn't overtraining. It was as though my body has been trying to talk to me and for the sake of doing something I have a talent for, I kept pushing. But my heart hasn't been in it.

I don't give up though so I started exploring more options and that led me more into cycling, which was actually a focal point of my training from day one. If anyone asks me what is my strength in triathlon, it's definitely the bike. Yes, I'm strong on the bike...but it's more because I like it the best. I want to make it more challenging now. So, I have set out to do a 40K time trial is under one hour. I came close a few weeks ago with a 1:00:47. When my tri bike is back in commission, I will try it again. I also decided that I will live out the lululemon athletica manifesto that says, "do one thing a day that scares you." On the top of the "I WILL NEVER DO THAT" list is a criterium cycling race. Well, this weekend I knocked that one off of my "NEVER" list down in Bloomington, Indiana. A Crit race is a bike race held on a short course, usually city streets that are closed down to cars. They are FAST and known to be quite dangerous because a lot of cornering (turns) are involved and you ride really close to one another. No better place than Bloomington, Indiana - an awesome cycling town.

In contrast to the regular triathlon and running races that I've done, this race started at 6:35 at night. I had all day long to be nervous about it. And I was! I went to the bathroom probably about 20 times over the course of the day, I was quiet most of the day trying not to think about what was going on or even talk about what to expect because I was nervous as can be. I felt the same exact way that I did when I did my first triathlon. I hated being the rookie and I didn't want to look like an idiot on my bike.

Thanks for overnighting the Dogfish shorts John!

I'm closer to looking pro:)

I didn't really know if there were any rules, and I didn't know what to expect out of my body since I don't train for sprints on the bike...heck, I hadn't even ridden my road bike since April. But I was ready for a new mental and physical challenge. My goal was to stay with the lead pack of women - now these women are ballers. They are all matchy-matchy in their bike kits (you gotta look Pro, according to Jason), and they all knew each other so clearly this wasn't a new venture for them. Whatever, I told myself that I am a strong cyclist and I would do my best.

Ready, Set, Go! We were off. The race was about 38 minutes. About 15 minutes into the race there was a crash behind me. On the next lap, there was a woman down and the ambulance was on it's way. My mom would have been crapping her pants at this point, so glad she didn't know what I was really up to. Haha! The race was super fun, super fast, and super mentally involved. They were giving away prizes on certain laps and I tried to win the sprints to win the prizes on two of them, but I came up a little short.

Going for the $10 cash preme (I'm totally spelling that wrong)

Oh well, at least I went for it and didn't burn my legs out too badly that I couldn't keep up with the fast girls. Time flew by and before I knew it they were calling out 5 laps to go, then 4, 3, 2, 1 and we were done. I didn't win the race but I had so much fun.

Pulling in the front...but keeping it easy

As we did a cool down lap, the winner Bri Kovac (total bad-ass, strong cyclist) told me that I am really strong and she gave me a few tips. I was smiling and as I made my way back to the start, I had a huge smile on my face. Jason was lining up for the main race (super duper fast guys race), and he told me I looked super strong out there, he was proud of me and I told him that I had a lot of fun. Jason had a good race too and helped his teammate to a third place finish! Way to go Zipp boys!

Smith and Fowler pre-race looking pro

They boys go so fast it's hard to see them or take their pictures.

Is it Really May?

2010-05-12T14:03:00.006-05:00

Is it really May? Wow, I'm a major blogging slacker. I haven't posted anything about any of the races I've done this year so far and my memory is not going to do them justice so I'm going to recap some of my highlights, low-lights, and in-between lights. If it's a boring recap, major apologies but I love my little racing diaries to look back on and laugh at myself. What have I raced again? Oh yeah....

Shamrock Run 4 miles - Indy, March 17th

This was a good tester to see how much taking a month off in November/December really slowed me down for my run. I am a queen at comparing my results and then feeling bad for myself about how far I need to go to get back into the shape I was in last summer. This race aided this suffering I cause myself. September 12th of 2009 was my peak weekend in my running world. I ran my fastest 1/2 marathon and my splits over 13.1 miles were as fast as my 4 mile splits at this run. I, of course, compared the two though the shape and the training that I had done up to each of the races has been totally different. The roller coaster ride that I chose for my life in the last few months has been totally different than last year. My body is totally different than it was in September as well, but again....I compared. I don't make excuses for myself so I am just going to leave it at the fact that it was March. I don't have to be breaking records. I did have fun. I was the 3rd Place Woman at this race, got to take a picture with a leprechaun, watch Jason and Whitney run fast, and then celebrate with a yummy Starbucks and a homecooked breakfast. Hey, and now that I think about it....they never sent me anything from that race. Boo that!

Hillsboro Roubaix - In the Boonies, IL April 10th

My first official cycling race. I had really no idea what to expect. Jason gave me race advice, which was wonderfully loving and supportive of him but I totally didn't know what most of it meant. He drew me pictures of an echelon, coached me on where to find the best draft and stay in it, we rode at the cemetery to practice cornering, and he taught me about race tactics. All this expertise was awesome! A girls got to learn for herself though and no pressure from the boys on the drive asking me what I was going to do for my victory salute. Thanks guys!

A cycling road race is different than a time trial, different than a triathlon, different than anything. It's all about tactics and strategy. I completely get that, but I have to say that while this is a fun sport and all...I would like to try it maybe one more time and then I think I will have had my fill. As a triathlete, I train solo for the most part. I ride by myself outdoors or with guys that are way faster than me that I might as well have gone out by myself, or I ride my trainer. My efforts are typically long, solid efforts. I don't do any sprinting, and I'm not training to be a sprinter. That is not my goal (thanks for the reminder Jason and Jenny after the post race meltdown!), but my expectation of myself is that I am a sprinter. Anyway, back to the race. I raced Cat 4, which means that I'm a rookie until I prove myself worthy of moving up the ladder to race with the girls with more experience. I'm not gonna lie, this was a blow to my ego...but the truth is, we all start somewhere. And the start is a launching pad that takes us in whatever direction we want to go. So, I get to the starting line.... I was more nervous about how quickly everyone was going to take off and was I going to be able to clip into my pedals fast enough than really what was going to happen on the roads. Horn went off, and I clipped into my pedals lickety-split, and then off I was to the front - but behind someone's wheel. The words that replayed in my head the whole race were, "Make this race as EASY as possible." So I did, I stayed on someone's wheel the entire time. I didn't do anything funky, I didn't go for any breaks, but I made sure to stay up in the front. The other words in my head were, "If you are bored and you want this to be a workout, try to time trial the last few miles solo. See if anyone comes with you." So, there was my learning experience at mile 25ish... I was bored. I was sick of just riding on someone's wheel but I had those two voices on my shoulder knowing the tactics win the race. The words, "it will likely be a sprint to the finish line" were never relayed to me. I had to learn that myself. So at mile 25, I decided to break. I hit it hard for about 6 solid minutes and nobody grabbed my wheel. Yes! But then I started to run out of steam and I glanced back to see the pack coming back up. Shitballs! I'm freaking spent and now is coming close to the end. The last half mile was a sprint finish. I was in 2nd and then just couldn't hold on after that smartass move to try to go for it solo. So 2nd turned into 5th place. I'll take that for my first race. But I was so not happy to tell the boys I didn't get to do a victory salute. Maybe next time.

Bridge to Brews 8k, Portland Oregon April 18th.

Now this is a run director that got it right! You start and finish at Widmer Brewery. Well, you drink after the race...

I went out to Portland with my mom and my sister to visit my brother who has lived out there for several years and it was my sister's idea to do this race. Denise and Jeff did the 10k which started earlier than my race, and coach was cool with me doing the 8k. So my goal was to catch up to Jeff and Denise and beat them to the finish line. Our pace is way different so I thought that is a good goal!

The race started up hill and during the first mile as I entered into the red zone, I asked myself why I do this to myself! The negativity always creeps in at the beginning of my races, but it went away as I climbed up and down two bridges and up the final stretch through the finish line, seeing mom as I sprinted to the finish and was handed a loaf of bread for my third place finish. I didn't see my brother and sister until after I did my cool down and it turns out I crossed the line before them but we somehow missed each other. We met up by the beer:)

It was a gorgeous day. In the sun, it was about 70 degrees and we chilled out to live music, free beer and sunshine. Everyone kept giving us their beer tickets so we stayed until we ran out.

St. Anthony's Triathlon, St. Petersburg Florida - April 25, 2010

It’s party time. Triathlon season has officially begun and I was so excited to put my toes in the sandy beaches of Florida again and even more excited to meet up with Jason for this race. We got into Florida on Friday night and stayed at a little hotel less than a mile from the race start so we headed to pick up our packets and check out the expo. The steel drum band was music to my ears and put that vacation feeling in my heart. It was nice to be down south in the warmth though warmth sort of means scariness when it comes to racing in April for a midwestern girl. We toured around the expo and got a chance to visit with Chris at the QR tent…where we found the 2010 catalogs with the pictures from our wetsuit photo shoot. Super funny! Jason looks quite hot in a wetsuit, I’m going to have to say that I look like a seal. That’s okay though. It was very fun to be in a catalog and we had so much fun doing that photo shoot together and the QR Superfull wetsuits are badass.

We ate at some yummy places while in St. Pete's. I wish I could remember the names for future reference but seriously I have no idea. We had Italian on Friday night and Mediterranean on Saturday night and I felt like I was at home because I could smell the Nag Champa incense burning throughout the restaurant on Saturday. All my yogi's know what I'm talking about. Mmmmm, heavenly! Okay, back to why I went to Florida - to RACE!

Saturday morning we did a pre-race brick. A little swim to feel the water, a little bike to make sure everything worked, and a little run to get the juices moving in the legs. I'm funny when it comes to swimming. Jason and I jumped in the water in our wetsuits and he was instantly ahead of me. I started swimming and I instantly panicked with the thought of sharks and scary things in the murky ocean water. I had to stop, collect myself, tell myself I was off my rocker, give myself a little pep talk and then start again. It was crazy wavy. Got on the bike, everything worked wonderfully and then a little shake out run in the blazing sun. Yikes, tomorrow is going to be steamy, I thought. Again, what did I expect - I was in Florida.

Race morning was easy-peasy. Our bikes were already racked so we just had to setup our transition area, which was sandy, with all of our stuff. We were racing in the Elite Wave so we got a nice rack (that's what he said) spot. Doh! I tried out a new race belt because mine seems to have gotten lost in my move. The belt holds gels so that was a neat little feature at the time. We had quite a walk to the swim start and our walk turned into our warm-up as we realized it was a little longer walk than we had time for. I put on my cool QR Superfull Wetsuit and got in the water for a few minute warm-up. Before I knew it, the 30-34 AG was at the start line and I had a few seconds of worry because my goggles were totally foggy. Great. That's all I need - to not be able to see where I'm going, not to mention the sharks;) Nothing I could do at that point and my saliva wasn't helping to clear the view. Seconds later, we were in the water. The water was really CHOPPY! What do I expect, it's the freaking ocean. I tried to hold my ground but I was getting tired FAST. I hadn't been in the water much the last few months because I've been dealing with a bum left shoulder so I just did my best to keep good form, and make it through that swim. The last leg of it was brutal. I felt like I was back in Hawaii in the ocean...looking for that swim exit but making no progress because the waves kept taking me back. I looked at my watch on the way out. OUCH! That was not a stellar performance. Oh well, I'm on land now and ready to rock.

I ran to my bike, and set out on the course. I was playing back and forth with one girl the entire freaking bike. It's kinda like driving on the highway on cruise control and you are next to someone that doesn't hold a pace. I felt like I was keeping a constant clip but I wouldn't know exactly because my Garmin that was set to autosport, failed me and it wouldn't even clear out. So, as I rode, I had no idea how long I'd been on my bike, how fast I was going or what my effort was. There is nothing worse than having a watch on that doesn't work, so I made sure to put that away so I didn't futz with it. I picked off a bunch of girls on the bike and got passed by only one guy so I felt good about my ride. Onto the run....running through sand and then putting on my running shoes was not awesome. My feel were filthy and gritty, but again nothing I could do and I didn't have pans of water to dip my feet into. If I showed up with those, I think my coach would strangle me. Heck, I would strangle myself.

Off on the run I reached for my gel and it had fallen out of my race belt...along with my gum. Awesome, lesson learned- keep my gels on my body for the race not in a belt. As I ran out of T2, a girl zipped past me going what looked like sub 6:00 pace. I didn't have that in my tank, so I went as fast as I could. I was feeling decent, not too hot, not overdoing it, but not feeling like I could race like I would on a track. I saw Jason and Jenny on the course. I love the out and back runs because it's so good to see my friends when I race. They keep me motivated to work hard because I wouldn't want them to catch me slacking or having a pity party for myself. The girl who I played back and forth with on the bike passed me and I couldn't find that zip to catch back up to her. I could see two girls ahead of me down the last stretch of 400 meters or so and I just couldn't find the zip to go get them (UGH!) so I let them go (double UGH! UGH!). I chalked this race up to a good season opener. I was happy that I put myself out there in Olympic distance - which is not my best distance since I don't have a really long bike to catch all the fast swimmers.

I had a little bit of a struggle with my swim and run in the off season so I felt confident after this race that I will be okay physically for the season (knock on wood). And also, with everything that we are not the best at, it teaches us something. Olympic distance triathlons are teaching me something....how to RACE! I mean race a race, not just scoot through a race and do my damndest to finish it. I'm learning that I have to get a little more than just uncomfortable if I want to go for the top spots. I need to breath heavy, I need to have my lats burn, and have my legs feel wiped if I want to win. This isn't what it feels like for me when I race 70.3 or 140.6 distances. I went balls out in a sprint distance race last year, but because it was so short it wasn't hard to do that. Olympic distance is just long enough that it's sprinting pace but with a bit more endurance. So, I'm setting myself up to keep getting faster, keep getting wiser, keep getting stronger and keep learning. With this mindset, each race feels like a major success.

California Dreaming...I mean Riding

2010-04-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

View of Santa Barbara from above...

and then even higher above the clouds...

and Santa Barbara at the beach

Three weeks ago Jason and I went to Santa Barbara, California for a bit of R&R&R....riding, and running, and resting and reminicing and whatever else can be done with friends in California.

Notice, the resting was the last "R" in the series, it was the one that we did the least. If eating started with an "R" it would have been #2, I think.

Our friends, Cat & Jim invited us to come out

and stay with their good friends Jack and Marguerite (Jason is eating in the back-haha)

There is a crazy climb in Santa Barbara that many big name cyclists, including Lance Armstrong, use for training. Jason told me all about how epic a climb it was and during our trip to the Smokey Mountains a month ago, he informed me that Gibraltar is easier than our climbs in Tennessee. I was looking forward to easier after that weekend. Well, our good friend Jack Bianchi decided to take us up Gibraltar on our first full day there.

There is nothing like beating your body up on the first workout of a training weekend. It was either a more challenging climb than in the Smokies or I just pushed myself harder. I felt totally defeated because I actually stopped at one point near the top of the 9-mile climb because my heart was beating so wildly out of my chest, there was no sign of anything close to a flat coming. I wanted to cry and scream at Jason for telling me this climb was going to be "easier," and I didn't even know Jack at this point and I wanted to yell at him for taking us this way on the first day. Oh my goodness.

I don't like to complain when I train, but this was hard. Clearly there is a reason why some of the best cyclists in the world train here for fun. While I was climbing that mountain, I thought many a times, "am I seriously doing this for fun?" "why do I torture myself like this?" "who ever thought this was a good idea?" Oh wait, Jason did....and I agreed. So, there was nobody to blame but myself. I often look for something to blame. Lately, as I've been training I'm looking for something to blame around every corner. At one time or perhaps on several occasions I've blamed the following - I didn't get enough sleep last night that's why I have no energy. I ate something funny that must be why I'm sluggish. I weigh more right now, that's why riding is so tough...and running to boot. I didn't take 20 years of swimming lessons, nor was I on a high school swim team, or a surfer and that is why I am not as fast in the water as the other girls. I have bad form, and that is why my swim times aren't getting faster. I can't make it to masters swimming because of the schedule and that is why I don't get my swim workouts in. Blah, blah, blah. All of these negative thoughts are poisonous!!! I get enough sleep. I eat really well. I swim in the moderately fast lanes when I go to masters. I'm a mere 5 lbs heavier than my race weight at the end of last season-that's not really slowing me down. What is slowing me down is truthfully my belief that I'm not as good as some believe that I am - and so I hold myself back. Nobody else does. My coach calls me out on my @ss when I'm a wuss. My boyfriend believes I can make it to the Olympics. My friends are amazed at my strength and all that is left is just me. I sometimes hold back in my workouts because it's easier to quit sometimes than to keep going. But I know that the way out is always through....and when I make it through, it's like making it to the top of Gibraltar - riding above the clouds, seeing the entire city of Santa Barbara from the way top. The feeling of finally making it up! YES!!!!

Silliness and success

It's always worth the ride...and then the ride down the mountain is the icing on the cake - riding 45mph, as fast as the cars, alongside the ocean in one of the most beautiful places on earth - damn, I have a good life!

All of a sudden, I have forgotten how hard that climb was and I've made my way back to our homestay, running shoes are on and it's time to kick it into gear for training.

What's so funny about the blaming is that I realized that I was blaming everyone and everything while I was in yoga one night. For about two months, I absolutely hated going to one of my teacher's (and super close friend) yoga class. I kept going though because I knew that regardless of the mental stuff, I needed the strength and flexibility gains from the physical practice. All of a sudden, I had a shift. I started liking her classes. I didn't know what happened but instead of swearing in my head at her for making us balance on one leg for about 10 minutes (and of course, I blamed fatigue and my inability to hold poses on training), and instead, I did my best. I stopped a few times, I tried to challenge myself and then I laughed when I couldn't keep it going. I couldn't believe that I thought that my bad yoga classes were due to my teacher. It was all me. I was holding myself back from having a "positive" experience on my mat. But what started out as negative truly turned into positive. It took some time and several visits to my mat, but it happened. I didn't close the door on something shifting for me, and so it did.

Back to training...our trip to California was amazing! The second day we did a long run and swim in an outdoor pool. On Jason's run, he picked avocados, clementines, and oranges and brought them back to have for lunch. He copped a squat at the clementine tree and ate a few before finishing and sharing these gifts with Jack and I. The avocados just ripened and we ate them this week. Yum! We attended an awesome party that night at our friend's house (where we were staying in Santa Barbara). I drank a little too much wine though and was hurting after the group ride we did on Saturday morning. We rode a beautiful ride with all guys, and two girls plus myself. I was left in their dust and felt like a complete and utter failure, but I kept going and met up with the group at the turnaround. It was tough, but the way home is always easier, it seems.

The rest of the day was spent chillaxing ocean-side in Santa Barbara with some great friends and rolling in a Cobra with Jack.

Sunday was our last full day. Jack took us to Los Olivos and we rode for 3+ hours through picturesque Vineyards.

Lots of rolling hills and by the end of the ride, I was done being on my bike for a few days.

Even though the views were beautiful.

My mind, body and spirit love biking but 10 or so hours on a saddle does not equal happy times for the girlie parts. I know when we pray, we are supposed to pray for God's will to be done. But I would like to pray for once for someone to find me a bike saddle that doesn't make me want to cry after riding it for as little as 40 minutes. Seriously! I've tried tons of saddles - two iterations of the ISM saddle, two different saddles by John Cobb, various fizik saddles, Blackwell, and the list goes on...and I still can't find anything comfortable. I've put China-gel and essential oils on my crotch before rides and while those allow for quite interesting experiences, those are only temporary fixes. I have tried several different styles of cycling shorts - no padding, to crazy padding and all of them are bunk. I've tried Aquaphor, Vaseline, Butt Cream, and ChamoisButr and nothing makes me happy. I'd say that I'm not cut out for riding a bike, but I know that is not true. Cycling is officially my favorite part of triathlon. So, God...if you can find a saddle for me, I would appreciate it. I won't promise never to complain again while training but I would just appreciate if you could do your good will in this area. :)

Wow, I digress a lot. After our bike ride we headed to Demetria Winery and had lunch and a wine tasting. We should have brought a blanket because a nap would have been amazing in those quiet hills.

One more drink at the Cold Springs Tavern - the coolest bar in Santa Barbara.

After the trip, both of us came back to reality in quite a funk (and it wasn't the wine and beer). It felt like a really horrible case of the Mondays. I felt like I didn't know how to teach yoga, Jason didn't want to work anymore. Ugh, vacations can be a bugger on motivation sometimes. But we both rode the wave of this crabbiness and then all of a sudden it seemed like the fog lifted. It was one of those times where you have to sit out the bad feelings to get to the bliss. Either that or we both started racing again and that beginning of the spring funk we had is now far behind us. More to come in the next post...

She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain....

2010-03-30T17:54:00.008-05:00

I'm way behind on the blog scene with my training this year, but have made it a goal this week to catch up. I have a little extra time thanks to my teachers for taking over so many of my classes the last few months and for my coach, Jenny for giving me some time off. I spent the last few days in Santa Barbara, California getting my butt handed to me compliments of the mountains in and trying to keep up with Jason on the bike. I've had the opportunity to spend time training in really neat places recently. Here's to Tennessee/North Carolina!!!

A month ago, I spent a few days in the Smokey Mountains with Jason and some other great people. I packed up my new bike - thanks to Glen Ellyn Bike Shop for putting it together for me and fitting me on it so well...my seat was shooting towards the moon so we had to make a little minor tweak.

I drove from Naperville to Indy late on Wednesday night and then Jason and I drove down to Knoxville, Tennessee to train. It was not as warm as we hoped it would be but it was wonderful to get outside on my bike in February!

The entryway at our house....running shoes, cycling shoes, funny!

The moment we got there, we jumped on our bikes for a good hilly ride. Each morning we slept in, had some breakfast, did a nice little run together, ate lunch,

training yum, yum, yum!

chilled out, then out for an afternoon ride once it got a little warmer, (ahem....41 degrees or so). Afterwards we came back, grabbed our swim suits and a beer and jumped in the hot tub! You thought I was going to say -grabbed our suits for a swim. Hahaha....we would have needed wetsuits, booties and a cap for that. No thank you! Jason created a pretty cool video of our training trip in Tennessee and a few fun pics from some other stuff this last year.

Click Here to check it out!

I can't say that every moment was smiles...but I've set some new goals for myself. They are way out there and I'm going to do everything I can to reach them. A special thanks to Jason and Jenny for believing that I can get there. There have been many a times that I've started crying to myself when I'm on my bike because it's so damn hard. The boys are always way ahead of me and I get so frustrated because I want to keep up with them. I turn it into my own game though and think about what is possible, I dig deep, think about my training as a highlight film and push on up the mountains.

Being Flexible - The Answer Is Within

2010-03-11T06:31:00.011-06:00

Now....you gotta be open-minded (not just flexible) to pose for a picture in this pose.

As a yoga instructor, if I had a dollar for the number of times that I hear from people, "I can't even touch my toes!" I would have enough money to fly to Hawaii first class. Flexibility of our body is very important, but a flexible attitude is even more important. Living in the midwest during the winter doesn't make for the best training. I've fantasized about moving to California, Colorado, and Hawaii to train. Life will take me out west one of these day, but for right now, I will remain in the midwest. Training in the midwest in the winter takes a very flexible mind. Training indoors can make us a little stir crazy and the moment the weather turns slightly warm, the fresh air while on the bike is so amazing.

If you are a cyclist or triathlete, you've spent countless hours in your basement on your bike trainer. If you a runner or triathlete, you've done several workouts on the treadmill when there is too much snow on the ground to get good footing. Since I'm not doing more than 2 hour rides at a pop right now, the trainer is manageable. My coach varies my workouts and I keep myself occupied while I stare at my watts, my cadence, my heart rate, and jam out to my favorite music. Technology has allowed us to monitor all of our progress with computers and equipment - heart rate monitors, PowerTaps (monitors watts, cadence, calories burned, heart rate, distance, speed, time), bike trainers, treadmills, iPods, etc. During the winter, it is a given that we will be doing most of our training indoors so we rely heavily on our equipment to work. If everything works, then we can focus on our training.

On more than one occasion I've gotten on my bike and my trainer is squeaking. On that day, my iPod continues to turn on and off so all I hear is the annoying squeaking of the trainer. I take a deep breath and I suck it up. On a different day I decide to put my new road bike on my trainer and do a 2 hour workout where I'm supposed to focus on cadence, the batteries in the hub of my PowerTap go out so I have to go off of feel. Going off of feel is fine, but I spent a lot of time cursing my new road bike. Again, suck it up. The next day, I change the batteries (but I put them in backwards) and I'm still getting no signal. I have friends waiting on me to ride outside so I don't have time to change the batteries so yet another workout without data. Ugh! I realize at this point that I forgot the wheel with a different cog set for hills and I end up having to work really freaking hard with my difficult gears. I had a little melt down, realized I was acting like a five-year-old and said, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Fast forward to a swim workout that is to be done with paddles and due to a large pancake breakfast, I'm unable to flip turn because every time I do, I feel like I'm going to vomit. So, as I swim I touch the wall with my paddles and crack one of them in half. So much for the paddle/strength work. Another swim workout where I drag myself to the pool, start out swimming great and then get kicked out of the lap pool because there is a problem with the chlorinator. We then have to swim in the 20 yard, kiddie pool that is full of pee and about 95 degrees. It was that day that I felt like a rockstar in the pool, and after a few drills and hitting my hand on the bottom of the pool, I said...let's just go have dinner. Another day, I'm supposed to do a bike/run workout with my bike set up next to a treadmill so I can do fast transitions and the treadmill is missing the key to turn it on. No time to ask coach what to do so gotta make up an effective workout.

All of these little annoyances make us flexible. They give us a chance to either freak out and have a spaz attack or take a deep breath and do what we can. This prepares us for race day. Which is what training is all about anyway. Sure, the physical training is preparing our bodies and our minds, but the minor setbacks also prepare us mentally because something is bound not to be perfect at our race. I've heard stories about how someone forgot their running shoes and had to run a 5k barefoot. Another story about how an athlete's bike shoes weren't in transition and had to make due with running shoes on the bike (when there are clip pedals). Ouch! I've thrown up on the bike leg of an Ironman and Half-Ironman because my nutrition wasn't working for me. I've been pushed and pulled under the water in a swim. I forgot to grab my bib and had to sit in transition for three minutes at a race. We can train our physical body until we are so tired, beat up and ultimately ready for race day but if we don't prepare our mind's to be flexible and ready to handle the mental stress, all of this physical training will end up in the garbage. We need to learn how to adapt when situations aren't perfect.

I teach this principle in almost every yoga class that I teach. On numerous occasions, I've hit my yoga mat all happy, in need of a good stretch, a good @ss-kicking, sweat session. Then, for whatever reason, my mind is not interested in being in yoga. My yoga towel is sliding all over the place, there is a person next to me that smells, the food that I ate a few hours ago is coming up in my throat. My legs are so tired from my earlier workout and for whatever reason, today is the day the teacher decides to do lunges on one leg for what feels like 5 minutes straight. At this point, all I want to do is quit. I mentally say, "I hate you" to my yoga teacher. I call myself a wimp. I moan so that the person next to me knows that I'm suffering and want agreement that they are suffering too. I want to reach for a drink of water just so that I don't have to experience what is going on internally. This isn't what I signed up for today. This is when the shit is hitting the fan and instead of running out of the room, reaching for something to take my mind off of the issues rising to the surface, I stay. I stay and watch myself. I don't ask myself what is going on, but instead I just sit with it. I let the chaos of the moment linger and eventually, shift. I can't go anywhere but inside myself.

When I regularly hit my mat, I'm able to adapt to all of the stresses of training with more ease. I still get frustrated when things don't come together perfectly, but it's not as bad as it could be. So when athletes ask me what should I do to get ready for a race? What should I do to clear my mind? What should I do to relax? What should I do to take my training to the next level?

my answer = yoga

I notice when I'm out of balance and I'm really heavy on the training and other stresses of life and am not paying attention to my emotional well-being. Everything starts to suffer. I am less motivated, I turn into a short fuze and freak out really fast. Adaptation of these little training snafoos goes out the window. I get bogged down in the drama of things in life that don't matter, my body feels heavy and I'm not myself. Yikes! I don't always immediately notice the benefits. I was hating one of my teachers for about a month. Then one day, that hatred went away. I didn't expect it to, but it did. Life started opening up, I got more motivated to train and motivated to get stuff done in life (including my taxes). I still cannot touch my toes without bending my knees but who cares if all this other great stuff is happening!

Doesn't this look like fun?

New Team

2010-02-16T21:54:00.009-06:00

I'm super thrilled! I got asked to be on a cycling team. So for this season, we'll see where the cycling world takes me and I'm happy to be on the Dogfish Racing Team.

My cycling is going to new heights this year and I'm really thrilled. I knew I really liked cycling last year as it became the stronger leg of triathlon for me, but now it's really flourishing - at least indoors. I've never done a cycling race besides an indoor time trial so I'm nervous, scared, anxious, and thrilled all at once. Who knows what is going to happen but I'm excited to go out there and see what I'm made of.

Last weekend, I did my second time trial and I had so much fun. It was the same course as last time and I surprised myself with how much power I had in my legs. Apparently, triathletes are notorious for hiding their data. I don't go into details on this stuff because to mostly everyone, power is a foreign concept....but I'm just happy to say that I did my best- which was :40 better than two weeks ago.

Super excited about improving so much!

Whitney just finished racing...and cooling down. We'll be heading down to Knoxville together next week. Yeah!

Jason and I after my race and before his race.

The Zipp team time trial against the Marion College guys. Rock stars!

I love these kinds of weekends. They are so fun. I'm very much looking forward to the official racing season to start....only a few more weeks.

Back in Action

2010-02-03T15:08:00.011-06:00

Last year I broke up the winter training with the indoor triathlon series. This year, I haven't broken up the training at all because frankly...I just got back into it a month ago. After a few really rough weeks of getting my fitness back, I'm coming back stronger than ever and I'm really excited for this year. A few weeks ago, I did the Bop to the Top Stair Climb in Indianapolis. I was thrown on a team because they needed another girl and we ended up winning the coed division. It didn't hurt that we had a pro-cyclist on our team and another Ironwoman. I took home the award for fourth place female. Not gonna lie...that was probably the worst I've ever felt in my life. It was 36 flights of stairs. Not too bad...nothing like the Hustle up the Hancock or the Empire State Building. I figured I'd run the whole way up. Uh...not so much. I started out running and made it to floor 6 and thought my legs were going to burn off. Seriously, I thought that there was no way that I was going to make it up all the way to floor 36. The only thing that kept me going was hoping that Whitney didn't pass me and I was hoping to not embarrass myself with a crappy race. After realizing I couldn't run up the stairs, I opted to pull myself up with the railings, walk the stairs two at a time and eventually I would make it to the top. I think I blacked out from floor 6 to 20. I had my legs again, but my heart rate was probably red-lined and I think my lungs were going to burst. At about floor 30, I told a girl that was at the doorway that this was the stupidest thing I've ever done. She said, "I know!" I was so focused on wanting the race over that I didn't focus on how short it actually was. It only took 5 minutes and :34 seconds. That's not even a mile on the track for me. I wish that I took my stair climbing friend, Dave's advice and looked at it this way from the beginning. None the less, I made it to the top and in less than 2 minutes from finishing, I started having a massive coughing attack. I didn't stop coughing all day long. I would rather do another Ironman, than race up stairs like that ever again. Yikes! Props to all of you who did this race and any other stair-climb for that matter. Dave Shafron, I give you major kudos for winning those stair climbs. Those quads are clearly meant for climbing!!! Man-o-man that was tough! All of it was worth it though. A group of some new friends did this race together and then we went out for breakfast. We all talked about how miserable the race was over omelettes, granola, peanut butter toast and coffee. I was in athlete heaven. Afterwards it was time to go running at Eagle Creek - a really nice park. I ran with my friend Whitney. It's been so long since I've run with someone. It was such a nice treat, beautiful scenery, great conversation...I love having a training buddy.

Fast forward a week later, back to Indianapolis and this time there was an indoor time-trial at Marian College. I wasn't planning on doing this race, and I didn't even tell my coach until afterwards because I was scared she was going to tell me, "Adrienne...you just got over being sick, and you are in a recovery week, don't do it." So, I waited to tell her that I won until after it was over. Hahaha.

So how this race works - Imagine the carnival game that you shoot a water-filled gun into a hole and watch a little horse go across a board. This is pretty much what an indoor cycling time-trial is...except you, the cyclist, are the gun that makes the little horse move across a computer screen and you race against other cyclists. Yes, people seriously do this for fun. This was a short, 6.20 mile ride and I didn't really know how to pace myself. Jason gave me some good advice and I surprised myself with how well it went...for both of us actually.

Then it was time to eat. Do you notice a trend here? Train then eat. Race then eat. Sleep then eat...then train...then eat. That is pretty much what I do all the time...and those are two of my favorite things...eating and training...oh, music and yoga. In January, I had a bootcamp at my studio

and a special concert with my dear friend Kellie Lin Knott.

In my spare time, I've been having some other fun too. Last week, I went to Chicago to take some pictures for a Headsweats catalog. It was good fun to see how pictures are taken for a catalog, check out a few stores, training centers, stores, parks and and to meet some really awesome people. We took some pictures at a few really cool training facilitys in Chicago....Vision Quest and Elements Multisport. Vision Quest is an indoor training center with a ton of computrainers, an area for functional fitness and an endless pool for swim stroke analysis and training. Elements is a relatively new multisport store and training facility that has a bunch of computrainers and all the best in triathlon nutrition and gear.

Bryce Walsh (who has the world record for riding on a velodrome)

and me hamming it up for the camera with our kickin Headsweats hats

Elements also have a really cute dog named Dexter that roams around the store.

We also went to REI and Fleet Feet in Chicago and this place has, by far, the best selection of training gear. The clothes are awesome (but quite expensive), but when you spend so much time in them...they are worth every penny! While we were there, some guys from Newton Running were there. They gave me a pair of Newton's to wear while I ran on the treadmill...and then I got to take them home with me. Major score! I've been wearing them the last two weeks and am in love! These shoes are like Cinderella's slippers! A perfect fit, super comfy, and I feel like a new runner. I started my own photo shoot with a cowboy hat at REI...just for fun.

Maybe I'll use the hat for my next bull riding adventure...oh wait, I didn't buy it. Hahaha...

We visited the Garfield Park Observatory in Chicago. Definitely recommend heading there to feel like you are in the tropics during the cold, Chicago winters.

I'm also working on getting a road bike. Yes, I don't have one. I have one bike...my faithful QR. And I definitely am going to need a road bike with some of the cycling trips and races I'm doing this year. So, my good friends at the Glen Ellyn Bike Shop are helping me out. Here is a glimpse at my future new friend.

The last few weeks have been a lot of fun...taking some trips, doing some new things and experiencing training in a new way...with someone that I like more than training and who enjoys training more than I do.

With how my training started on Christmas with my heart rate at 192 at a slow pace, I thought that it was going to take much longer than a month to get my fitness back. So much more has come back to life in the last month - not the vegetation in Chicago, but everything else is in bloom!

A New Start

2010-01-08T08:06:00.005-06:00

Training for the 2010 season has officially begun and I'm extremely excited. Last year was a long year, and I gave myself a treat by taking an entire month and a half off. That's right...between November 14th and December 25th, I only ran 5 miles, I only biked for 2 hours, and I think I might have swam once. I was out of town every weekend in November and December and taking some time off of training was just what I needed to focus on some other things in my life, answer some tough questions, and make some major changes. Life has been a little crazy, well...more than a little crazy, a lot crazy. My life has flipped upside down in the last month and I'm off to a new start with everything. It's not a New Years resolution kind of new start, but a sense that my whole life is off to a new start.

"The easy road often becomes hard, and the hard road often becomes easy." Robert T. Kiyosaki

At the end of last season, I was unconsciously choosing to make my life hard. Training was physically hard, emotionally hard, and mentally exhausting. So was my life. I spent hours upon hours thinking too much and spending so much time being unproductive. My emotions were on a roller coaster ride and I chose to keep all of this stuff inside instead of sharing it outwardly. I thought that I could play the role of having everything under control, looking all put together, organized - cool, calm, and collected. I was only fooling myself. I spent so much time faking things that I was exhausted. It's hard to train when you are exhausted, so a month off in December couldn't have been more ideal for me. I have to admit, I didn't like triathlon at all at the end of the season. I didn't even really like it until about 2 weeks ago. I let life consume me and I lost my passion for training and racing. If I didn't have my yoga practice, my yoga studio, and my good friends, I think I would be curled up on a couch all bummed out.

This is life though, we always have ups and downs. Some ups take us way up, some downs take us way down. We have to learn to live amidst all the chaos though because the chaos will be there, but how we react and respond to it is what can change. There is that age-old serenity prayer that says,

"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I've read this a million times but I often forget it. A friend recently sent it to me and told me to put it up somewhere that I can see it everyday. So, it is now the screensaver on my computer. I have been thinking of this quote a lot lately because there is a lot of stuff that I don't understand but I accept anyway. There is a lot of stuff many of us don't understand and therefore, we do not accept. Bottom line is...We can't understand everything. I don't understand a lot. I don't understand the stories in The Bible. I don't understand how a single person can part the red sea or get so many animals on one boat. I don't understand e=mc2. I don't understand how microwaves eat up food. I don't understand how satellites work to take pictures of the earth. I don't understand why people smoke. I don't understand why people buy SUVs and then drive super slow when there is only an inch of snow on the ground...oh my gosh, there is a lot I don't understand. I don't understand why my coach doesn't give me more rest days for all the hard work I put in. On the flip side, I don't know why my coach doesn't drive me into the ground everyday. I don't understand how we can live our lives for so long missing out on things - I don't understand how I didn't find triathlon until a few years ago or how I spent so much time working in a corporate job that was just ho-hum, why I wasn't a Sports Science or Kineseology major and instead went into business in college. I don't understand why of all the women at the Spirit of Racine 70.3, I was the only one that got accused of drafting. And why, for the entire racing season last year, my lowest point was for my "A" race at the end of the season.

While I don't understand why all this has happened. I could psychoanlalyze all of this stuff and try to figure out "why" it's happened, I won't. That has already drained enough of my energy. I am moving forward in my life in ways that so many people will never understand. I can remember it starting when I did my first marathon....Why would you want to do that to yourself? Because finishing is possible. Why does any person in their right mind do an Ironman? Because completing it is possible. Why would anyone leave a job making great money to open a business where the risk of making no money is so possible? Because making a living this way is possible.

The road that I've taken to all of these things hasn't been what everyone would call "right," or "ideal," or "perfect," or "something an honest person would do." You know what....this is exactly what an honest person would do because I've been openly honest about it all and I've been as true as possible as I can to myself, standing up for myself, being myself....and that is all that I can be.

This year, I'm taking on some new adventures - I'm both excited and anxious. I have a new coach and I am setting goals in a new way. I haven't put together my race schedule for 2010 yet, but I have committed myself to racing in every Elite wave that I can. I am going to race Olympic distance races, not what I would consider my best distance, so that I can put myself out of my comfort zone. I am going to try my hands at a foreign sport this year - bike racing. I know nothing. Until last year, I didn't know what made a time trial a time trial, and I still don't know how they work. Hahaha. I am loosening the reigns on my studio and opening the door to new teachers to explore their passion and share this fire with others.

Why did I get a new coach? Why would I want to race Elite and risk not placing at the top like I would if I raced age-group, why would I do bike races where I can get hurt, why race Olympic if I'm better at something else, why have new teachers when I can handle the studio solo..and on and on the questions can roll in. Why have I made some of these decisions and other decisions? Because I'm challenging myself to live my best life, to keep moving forward. No understanding required....just acceptance.

"Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving." ~Albert Einstein

Hola Mexico!

2009-12-03T21:35:00.004-06:00

In less than 12 hours I will be in the air with my good friends on my way to a bad-ass power yoga bootcamp in Tulum, Mexico with Baron Baptiste. The comment I received today was, "You never stop, do you?" My answer, "No Was Jose!" For me, this is seriously my dream vacation. This isn't like going to a race, having to prepare, setting expectations, getting all nervous, racing your butt off, being triumphant, being disappointed, being sore as all get up and then coming home to start training again and feeling bummed that it was all over. Well, you do get sore as all get up, and you do wish that you could stay there forever, but that is the ONLY similarity. This is bootcamp at it's finest. About 100, like-minded people get together for a 7-day, life transforming week. We spend loads of time practicing yoga, eating wonderful food, breaking down our outer layers and getting to the deeper stuff that holds us back from reaching our fullest potential. When we leave, we are new people ready to shine our lights and rock out the real world. It's not just the physical practice of yoga on your mat, but the introspection that takes place on and off your mat. When I was training for Ironman last year, I had attended two Baptiste bootcamps. I think it was a huge component to my mental state while giving it my all for that race. I broke out of my shell last year emotionally and physically and I owe it to these bootcamps, to the teachers at these bootcamps, and to the friends from these bootcamps. You have all made a huge impact on my life and I'm so ready to get rocked next week!!!

I'm not pissed that this bootcamp is in Mexico when it is just starting to snow in Chicago. I wish you could all come with me and share this awesome experience, share the sunshine, and see what I talk about in my classes. For my dear friends Robin, Steve, and Mary...you are in for one of the greatest rides of your life.

To Karen and Jen...millions of thanks for covering ALL of my classes when I'm gone. I love you girls.

See everyone in a week! Adios Amigos.

Why not play big?

2009-11-26T07:22:00.007-06:00

It's officially the off season. After Clearwater, it took me about two days until I started to get the post-Ironman blues. Basically, the realization that the season is over, I don't have to train for anything anymore, I'm a little unmotivated to do other things, and I'm wondering what in the world I'm going to do with all of my time. I have a very flexible schedule to say the least. I teach 3 yoga classes each day, I run my business, and I have the rest of the time to do whatever I feel like. When I'm in season, I'm either eating, sleeping or training during my downtime.

Now that I don't need to take naps because I'm not wiped out at all, and I also don't need to eat as much as I was eating (though I'm still working on grasping that concept, to be honest), and I'm not training, I have a lot more free time. I joined a masters swimming group through the park district and they swim 4 times each week. I decided that I wanted two full weeks off of swimming, biking, and running so I will join them again beginning next week. In the mean time, I've been doing a lot of yoga and let me tell you... WOW!!!! Since I'm not kicking the crap out of my body with all the workouts, my body is responding quite well to the additional yoga that I've been practicing. While I haven't lost any physical weight, because like I said I'm still eating like I'm training for an Ironman, I have found lightness and freedom in my body that I haven't felt in so long. I feel amazing.

With the additional downtime, I have also decided to focus on setting some goals for myself. Now, I like to write down goals that I know I will achieve but my friends have called me out on this and so I'm committed to creating goals that I will likely fail to achieve. Talk about a blow to the ego. This is a hard task to complete because I don't want to fail, none of us do. It's important, however, to fail at 50% of the things that we set out to do. The failure is then truly all about perspective.

One of my goals for 2009 was to complete the Ironman World Championships. Now, I say that my goal was to finish, but realistically my goal was to the break the amateur world record in my age group. Quite a lofty goal, but I put it out there because it was a stretch. As you are well aware, that did not happen. Did I fail to achieve this goal? Sure. Am I embarrassed that I put this out there. Definitely yes. But in failing to reach this goal, I pushed myself more than I thought was possible during my training this year. As a result of that, I found confidence in all aspects of triathlon that I didn't have last year and I got faster and experienced all different sorts of workouts that I never even knew of. My running pace increased, my bike pace increased, and my swim stroke improved. If my goal was "just to finish" that wouldn't have been pushing myself hard enough. For some, finishing an Ironman is a stretch goal. For me, it's not and I know this. It's so important that we know the difference and we set our goals for ourselves. We need to break through what we thought was impossible because most of the times it's just "I" that is holding us back from achieving what is truly possible.

Is it embarassing to declare our goals and fail? Heck yeah! But what is more embarassing is to not set the goal at all and live within our comfort zone for the rest of our lives. My friend Debbie posted an awesome quote on facebook that said, "The question is not, will we survive outside of our comfort zone. The question is, will we survive our comfort zone?"

Think about it!!! God willing, we will all live until we are 100+. And many of us will live that long, get old and wrinkly and look back and say, "what did I do over the last 100 years?" Those years will be filled with memories, most definitely. But, how many of us will have 100 years filled with events where we fell on our face, looked foolish, scared the crap out of ourselves, got hurt, screwed up, took chances and failed, took chances and succeeded....you get the point. I have realized that when I get to be 100, I want to look back and laugh at all the risks that I took for the sake of living. I don't want to have any regrets. I never want to say, "I wish I did that." So as 2009 comes to an end and we all start planning our resolutions for 2010, I'm going to play big. I'm not having the old school resolution of, I'm going to read more, lose 5 lbs, visit a new state, smile more. I'm going to go for some things that others think are impossible, that I used to think were impossible. I'm going to sign up for things that scare me and I'm going to take chances in my life that I never would have before. And, I'm going to aim so high that I fail but in the reaching, I'm going to be able to say, "Yeah! That happened. So what?!" I challenge you to do the same!

Clearwater Race Report

2009-11-17T06:53:00.008-06:00

This was a fun way to end the season!

When I arrived in Clearwater on Thursday, it was cloudy, chilly and super windy due to the leftovers from Hurricane Ida. As always, the first task at hand when I arrive for a race is to put my bike together. I turned on some tunes and started unpacking. Everything was in my bike box, but a little screw was missing from my seat post. Uh oh. I looked all around the bike box and couldn't find it. I looked all over the floor of the hotel room but got nothing. I always have one little thing that comes up when I put my bike together so I almost expect it to take a little longer than it should. So, I put together everything else that I could and ventured out to find something that would keep my seat on. There are tons of bike shops in Clearwater so I was bound to find something. I hit up the first shop and they sent me off to a place that actually carries QR bikes. They found a screw that fit for my bike, it didn't look pretty, but it worked. Problem solved and the sun was starting to come out. I headed down to the pier to pick up my packet and check out the expo. After picking up the packets they were using these new scales, of course to get you to buy them, and weighed us and took our body fat and hydration levels. I was well hydrated and clearly have been eating a few too many chocolate covered almonds in the last few weeks. Now, I knew I didn't have six-pack abs and so did the computer. Hahaha. Oh well.

I spent the day down by the water, enjoying the ocean breeze and a little sunshine and hoped that the wind was going to die down a bit. I watched a fellow swimmer as tried his hands in the ocean. He went out about 20 feet, and turned back around. There were some serious white caps in the water and it looked crazy to swim out there. On Friday morning, I ventured down to the swim start and took a dive into the water. It was crazy wavy. I swam out about 10 minutes and got some serious air on the top of some of the waves, ingested quite a bit of salt water and just laughed every time I flew out of the water. I turned around and headed back and it took all of maybe four minutes to get back to shore. I was going to swim until my hand reached the sand and then all of a sudden a huge wave came and pelted me, taking me under and I just stood up and cracked up. That was a fun little swim.

It was a lot wavier than it looks. And seriously wet suit pictures are ugly. Ugh!

It was then time to take the bike out for a little shake down ride. I went for a 30 minute ride and got a chance to experience the big bridge that we had to cross for the race. The way out wasn't bad, and the way back wasn't too bad either. Nothing ever compares to the hills in Connecticut, Bloomington or Madison, but it was nice to give them a whirl.

I spent the rest of the day on the beach getting pelted by sand because it was so windy. Yesterday, I was still chewing sand every once and awhile and yes I do brush my teeth. Anyway, I headed to the expo and turned my bike and bags in. They handle this race the same way they handle a full Ironman. Nothing but your bike is on the bike racks and all of your transition stuff is put in bags on the ground. After checking everything twice, all was set up for the next day. It was then time to have some grub. I made a yummy salmon and pasta dinner in my hotel room. I stayed at the Residence Inn about 2 miles from the pier and it was perfect! A huge room, plenty of space, full kitchen - it was like a little apartment. I was in bed by 10:00 and super excited for the next day.

I woke up at 4:30a.m. rip-roaring to go. I put on some music and did a little dance in my bed, changed into my race gear, ate some breakfast, and got all my stuff together to head to the start. I walked outside and it was as calm as could be. No wind, perfect temperature, clear skies. YEAH!!!! It was going to be an awesome day. The swim was changed to the harbor because the current was so strong the last few days. And because there isn't much room to get in the water, the swim was a time trial start. This means that your time started the moment you walked over the mat (you have a chip on your ankle to identify you with the computer system). They let about three people go every few seconds and there is a constant stream of people going in the water which means it's not crowded at all. This was a non-swimmers dream.

I seated myself in my wave and talked to one of my racing buddies Sonja. We met back in June at Rev 3 and she is one of the coolest girls I've ever met on the road. We chit chatted a bit, and danced a little at the start while Black Eyed Peas played on the loud speaker - "Let's Get it Started."

The one bummer about not being able to get into the water before the swim is that I had to pee. So, what do you do but pee standing up in your wetsuit. Gross, I know...but it's either that or visit the port-o-potty during the race. That wasn't going to happen. Sorry Elizabeth for peeing in your wetsuit! It was really kinda funny. As you walked through the starting area the asphalt was getting more and more wet because people peed on the ground. Haha. I have to go into detail on this because it was the first time I've ever peed on myself with clothes on, standing up, with people around me since I was probably 3 years old. So, the thing with wearing a wetsuit is that when you start peeing, it doesn't go anywhere. And then all of a sudden, the pee starts coming out the bottom of one of the legs of my wetsuit. I turned around as I was laughing outloud and apologized to the girl behind me. I'm giggling now just thinking about it. At least I got my business done with. Yeah!

Into the water I went...it was a great swim. There were some weeds, it was a little murky and it smelled like gasoline every once and awhile, but it was a nice swim. I tried to catch a draft whenever I could. I was excited when I started passing a few purple swim caps because they were two waves in front of me. I got to the turn around point and thought to myself, "I'm already half way! This is awesome!!!" A 1.2 mile swim is so much more pleasant than a 2.4 mile swim. As we headed toward the final buoys, there was not a lot of room to get out of the water and it was time to be a little aggressive. I wasn't in my usual "excuse me sir" mode. It was more like, "get the heck out of my way buddy" mode. And then up the ramp I went. I ran through and for the first time didn't feel like I was all loopy and discombobulated like I normally feel getting out of the water. I looked at my watch...it was a sub 33 minute swim. Major excitement filled my body as this was my best 1/2 Ironman swim yet. Yeah!!!!

Onto the bike...my glasses were all fogged up and had to ask a volunteer if I could wipe them on his shirt. He obliged and then I was off. In the first pedal stroke on my bike, I felt a weird pain in my left knee/quad. I thought, "Uh Oh! What's that?" It went away immediately, thankfully. Now it was time to hammer. My goal for this bike was to stay clean and give it my all. I knew that it was going to be a tight course and rumor on the street is that it's a draft fest. Well, that was definitely the truth. I had a girl riding my wheel for about 10 miles and I kept screaming at her to get off my wheel. Then I'd be riding on the right, minding my own business and there would be a huge stream of riders flying by. They'd get hung up with each other and I saw two people almost crash a few bike lengths in front of me. It was scary. As I passed the girl that almost crashed, I asked her if she was okay. She smiled, laughed and said she was fine. She was riding clean and almost got leveled. You have to be careful out there in these cases. I yelled at a few girls for drafting but because this is an International race, some don't speak English and they either don't care that they are drafting or they don't understand. I realized at one point that I was wasting too much time caring about other people's races and reminded myself to ride my own race. I played a little cat and mouse with a woman that was significantly older than me who had a mirror on her helmet. She was a stud rider and she kept passing me on the hills. Totally humbling! I told her she was a stud and then she said, "No-you are a stud!" It was so funny.

With about 5 miles left, a girl passes me in a pack and asks me, "Are you the Adrienne from Racine?" I said, "Yes, but notice I'm not drafting." She laughed and said, "yeah, I know." Not sure what that was all about but I caught back up to her and passed her. With about 2 miles left, I saw a guy riding a regular bike with one leg. Yes, ONE LEG!!!! He didn't have a prosthetic on his other leg. This motivated me the remainder of the race. He just rode 56 miles pretty darn fast with significantly less leg power than anyone else out there. What a stud!

Back into town and onto the run. That little shooting pain I felt in my knee/quad when I got on the bike came back when I got into my running shoes. It was worse though and I was just hoping that it would shake out. It was dull but it was there for the first 4 miles or so. Those bridges did not help, but they weren't awful. I only had to go up and down four times. Yikes! Fortunately, my foot was feeling okay but I didn't feel that peppiness in my legs. They felt heavy and I just didn't feel like I could go any faster...even after my legs started coming around. I just told myself to hold on and do my best. I saw a few friends on the course, cheered for them, they cheered for me, and before I knew it, the first loop was over. 6 miles to go. No problem. I saw Elizabeth on the course cheering and she told me to just bite down and leave it out on the course. I kept telling myself that. I also reminded myself of the guy with one leg riding his bike. No feeling sorry for myself at this point. I tried to pick it up a bit and I made my way back up that final bridge and I gave myself the "I love hills" pep talk that I used to say when I trained for Boston back in 2007. I kept looking at my watch, wondering what my finishing time would be. I realized that a 4:40 was within reach and so I pushed the last mile the best I could. I finished, I met all my goals and I was so elated!

This is how I felt at the end of the race

Off to the massage tent, I was beaming from ear to ear. Excited because of a successful season and excited that I get to rest a while, figure out what I want to do next...and I'm so not in a rush to do that!

I always try to find some sort of nugget out of each race. Sometimes it comes during the race, sometimes it comes after the race. It was a great race, I felt great, I was happy, I smiled as much as I could, I was in my element, and I felt like I was back to myself. I couldn't crank it out in the run like I have at past races, but I met my goal of doing my best for that day. When I was in Hawaii, I didn't feel like myself. I didn't want to put one foot in front of the other from the first step that I took on the marathon. I felt like I lost myself. I felt like I lost the warrior that I've always been and that was really defeating for me. That's why Kona was so hard for me. I didn't like triathlons that day and I thought that I lost that love for triathlons forever. When I started training again a week after the race, I wasn't as motivated to swim, bike or run. Then before Clearwater, I felt my pep come back again. At Clearwater, I was happy to be there. I was happy to do my pre-race swim and bike. I was happy to wake up early and race again, and I enjoyed every moment of the race - even the swim.

Now, I am taking some much needed time off from training and formal training plans and I can tell that I'm starting to get the post Ironman blues - no race to train for, no race even on the schedule. I'm heading to Mexico in two weeks for a week of yoga. I need it more now than ever. I am going to take that time to rejuvenate my mind, body and soul. When I return, I'm going to plan next season and then I'll start training come the new year. In the meantime, I'm spending some time on the rest of LIFE - doing more yoga, working on my business and figuring myself out. When next season starts, I'm going to be ready to make it even better than this year!

The Final Frontier

2009-11-10T12:54:00.012-06:00

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. ~Buddha

It's that time again...time to pack my bags, assemble all my gear, tune up my bike, put on the race wheels and head down to another race. I am so freaking psyched, I cannot put it into words. It's weird to me that the half Ironman World Championships are after the full Ironman World Championships. It seems like it would make more sense to have them before because it's easier to recover from 70.3 miles versus 140.6, but I didn't make the Ironman schedule and I'm sure there is a reason for it. With that said, many people have asked me if I am recovered from Ironman and ready to race again. Well, that's a quadruple barreled question. Am I recovered from Ironman has two parts - recovered mentally, and recovered physically. It's kinda crazy, Ironman seemed like 5 months ago in my mind. There was so much hype to get down to Hawaii, so much build up, anticipation, excitement, planning, and talk about the race that I was consumed with that race for basically an entire year. Each big race is like that. The several smaller races that I did this year were really anticlimactic in comparison and not nearly as taxing on my body or mind.

To be honest, I sometimes think I'm invincible. I think that I can do a race, like an Ironman, and be fully recovered in just a few days. Well, that's far from the truth. The first time I got back on my bike after Hawaii (about 8 days after), my legs did not feel like my legs. They were heavy (I thought it was from all the m&m's that I ate over the course of the week), and they were slow. Um, okay...so 140.6 miles of an Ironman really wears me out for a while. I guess I'm not invincible. I realized it was going to take more than a 30 minute warm-up on my bike before my legs came back around - More like 3 weeks:) Last week was an awesome training week for me. I exceeded all my goals on my bike and while my foot isn't 100%, I can run comfortably and fast and not feel like I'm going to self combust. I finally feel the confidence coming back in my body. Mentally, it's been about the same. Thank goodness! It took me about 2 weeks to come down from Ironman and it's taken me about a month to really get my mental "race cap" back on. I am feeling that same level of mental clarity I had before some of my smaller races this year. I was in a fog before Hawaii and I finally feel like that fog has lifted.

I did my last workout on Sunday and it was fabulous. It didn't suck that it was 71 degrees outside, I rode in a tank top and it is November. That being said, I was so excited to get out on my bike that I forgot to put on my helmet and had to come back to get it, and then wiped out in my driveway. It was a graceful fall and I hopped up super fast, brushed myself off and, of course, checked to see if anyone witnessed that. Of course, my neighbors did and all the kids down the street but I just laughed. I'm laughing aloud at the moment because it was just funny. Okay, so two questions answered - am I recovered mentally and physically? The answers yes and yes.

Next order of business, am I ready for Clearwater 70.3 - physically and mentally? Well, right now yes, and yes. I am more excited to race this race than Hawaii because I just love this distance. The swim is just long enough that I don't get bored, the bike is long enough that I can catch people that kick my butt in the swim, and the run isn't SO mentally tough and I can see what I've done in training actually manifest into similar speeds in a race. Ironman is a long way to go. It's physically and mentally brutal. I'm glad I can say that I'm an Ironman, but other than fulfilling my personal ego to do it faster next time, I'm just not interested in putting myself through that again for awhile. Going half the distance after Kona is like doing this for fun. And that's what it's all about for me...that's why I started racing and that's how I want to end my season - for fun, for the challenge, and for the adventure. I am excited to have fun!! I'm not saying it's going to be easy physically or mentally. This is the creme de la creme of this distance. I'm not going to be whizzing by first timers like at other races. I'm hoping to keep up with this field and be competitive. That being said, I'm excited to put my toes back in the sand, and run out into the water with only 80 other women in my wave, push it as hard as I can on the flat bike ride course, and then see what I have left over for the run. This is fun for me! I'm an endurance athlete. I can do sprints but they aren't my favorites - going anaerobic for an hour is pretty intense. I absolutely hate Olympic distance, and Ironman is just too much for my body. The 70.3 race is the fastest growing distance in triathlon so that leaves me with a lot of races to do over the course of my lifetime. Hip-Hip-Hooray!!!

I have all my necessities packed for Florida, and some fun too! I'm excited to see so

me familiar faces down in Clearwater, and have some time to chill. They say to visualize the race before you go, but I'm taking this weekend as a weekend for ME! I've visualized my ideal weeke

nd and of course, the race. I am going to be an animal in the water for the swim. I'm not going to have the "oh excuse me" attitude in the swim. What's a tough animal? - a Badger!

Small and feisty, but I will cut my nails. I'm going to sing my favorite pump up songs in my head as I bike, and hopefully real people in that passed me in the water. Finally, I'm going to ease into my run and then turn it up to take as much as I can to leave it all on the course as I finish. As far as the rest of the time there, I am going to sanitize the hotel bathtub and take a hot bath at some point in time. I brought my toe covers for a cold ice bath after the race. I am bringing my yoga mat to salute the rising sun with the waves crashing against the pier on Friday morning. I created my playlist for race morning and I'm going to have a dance party in my room

on Friday night, and then a mini dance party on Saturday morning with the tunes blasting as loud as I want since I don't have to worry about waking anyone up. YEAH!!! I'm going to have a few frosty beverages on Saturday night to celebrate the season coming to an end and there will be dancing for sure, I'd love a little karaoke too. Maybe I'll get to see my brother drunk and dancing. That would be awesome! (My brother and his fiance are coming to vacation and watch me race).

While I've visualized everything in a multitude of different ways this weekend, it's been quite consuming. So, I decided yesterday that I've done all I can do now. I've put in a solid year of training, I've struggled, I've triumphed, I've broken down, I've broken through and everything has happened how it's supposed to. Now I leave the rest to the universe and will allow everything to manifest this weekend however it is supposed to.

As I board that plane on Thursday morning, I'm leaving all of my expectations in the terminal and leaving the rest up to God.

All the Small Things

2009-11-07T20:59:00.007-06:00

There are a lot of things that I cannot believe and the first of them is that tomorrow is my last long training day of the year, and long is not nearly anywhere near as long as it was just four short weeks ago. The second thing I cannot believe is that a 2 hour training workout is short. Hahahaha. I cannot believe that I used to think 30 minutes was ever a reasonable amount of time to exercise. Wow how things have changed. I can't imagine spending less than an hour on any sort of workout - from running, to swimming, to biking, to yoga. Weird. The last thing I cannot believe is that it's going to be 71 degrees out tomorrow. Yippee!!! I won't even have to wear long sleeves on my bike. That being said, I'm excited when it gets cold outside again because I bought some super cute pink arm warmers from Lululemon today that have super long sleeves that go over your hands like mittens when it's chilly - but not chilly enough for gloves.

Okay, so clearly this is a rambling blog. Next week, I will turn into a little bit of a stress ball so I thought I would take this as an opportunity to write about all the little things that make me happy because life is really all about the little things. So hear goes.

1. I like silence - especially in yoga. Some people ask me if I'll ever play music in yoga and I do, but only on Friday nights. The silence is good for us. Our mind's are always crazy busy and we need the silence to find some space in between our thoughts. If you are anything like me, your mind fires off in 7,000 different directions in a matter of 60 seconds. Silence is golden.

2. While I love silence, I also love rocking out to music. If you ever see me driving down the street in the Om mobile, definitely take a look in the car. I am usually singing at the top of my lungs and playing the drums on the steering wheel or dancing in my seat. There is nothing better than singing in the car or the shower. Oh wait, I do love wailing while I'm rocking out on my bike.

3. While I love signing, that means I love music. I have the worlds most random playlist on my iPod. Right now these are my top ten songs I listen to at all times. Contrary to popular belief, I don't subscribe to Teen Beat.

Do you Remember - Jay Sean, Sean Paul, Lil Jon

Jump then Fall - Taylor Swift

Otto's Journey - Mylo

One Less Lonely Girl - Justin Bieber

Chances - Five for Fighting

We Are So Last Year - Hawthorne Heights

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

Good Morning - Chamillionaire

Hallelujah - Paramore

Two is Better than One - Boys like Girls

4. While winter sucks, it is fun to buy new winter gear. Marshalls is awesome for cold weather running gear so that you don't have to do laundry all the time. I bought some long sleeve, dry fit shirts for super cheap. Never pay full price. If you do, you are getting ripped off.

5. I never thought that opening a yoga studio would expand my life in so many ways. Not only am I living my dream, but creating this community within my studio has been one of the best gifts that I could give while also receive more than I ever thought possible. The friends that I have from my studio truly light up my life in ways that I never thought I would experience.

6. I'm super pumped to travel to a race next week solo. I've never done this before and it will be weird not to have my paparazzi there taking pictures of me, driving me everywhere, helping me with my bike when I put it together wrong, making sure I have everything I need, etc. I'm very excited to see my triathlon friends and also not have to entertain anyone but myself before I race.

7. I love girlie movies and I love the Red Box. Since opening my studio, I spend a lot of nights on my computer and I promised that I wouldn't do this every night anymore. So, when I have some time after class and after dinner, I hit up the Red Box and pick out the cheesiest girlie movies I can. I'm currently watching "Monster In Law." Not gonna lie - this one is kinda lame.

8. I love Whole Foods for lunch. They have the best salad bar ever and it's an awesome place to get some healthy eats. I'm doing my best to avoid the bulk food section where they have dark chocolate almonds, but I'm really not good at it.

9. I'm living by the "enjoy it while it lasts" mentality with my coffee intake right now. Ever since Hawaii, I've been doing this afternoon coffee thing. I don't think this is too healthy but I'm going to enjoy it for now because I know that I'll have to cut out the caffeine before yoga bootcamp in Mexico in less than one month - which I'm way excited for.

10. I love all my yogi friends. I cannot wait to go to Mexico with some of my students as well as catch up with my friends that started this journey with me back in February of last year.

11. I love all my A-town girl friends that I have stayed in touch with. I'm so inspired by your journeys - some of you with new babies, others moving across the country for new jobs, getting engaged and starting to plan your futures. I'm glad to be a part of all of this and am blessed to have such wonderful girl friends.

12. Pizza and beer. I went to the city today with my sister and my mom. We shopped on Michigan Avenue and then met my dad and my sister's boyfriend for dinner at a place called "Piece." They have awesome beer with funny names - Full Frontal and Cameltoe to name a few. Their pizza is amazing and their dessert pizza is even better. We wore Ernie birthday hats for my sister's birthday. So fun.

13. New bike shoes and ebay. I've had the same bike shoes for three years and they are really smelly and the velcro doesn't stick anymore. So, I found some new shoes at a local store, tried them on and bought them for way cheaper on ebay. Bonus! I'm excited to try them out tomorrow.

14. Daylight savings really isn't so bad. I like seeing the sunrise on the days that I don't teach at 6am and on the other days, I enjoy starting my classes in the dark and people walking out into the light of day after an hour long sweat session. Thankfully, it's been sunny the last few days and I missed most of the rainy days while I was in Hawaii.

15. Lastly and probably one of my most favorite things are the notes and the emails I get from my yoga students, and the personal conversations I have with my yoga students. I love hearing about your life - your highs, your lows, your struggles, your successes, your triumphs, and all of your life experiences. Thank you for sharing these things with me. You are all such amazing lights of love and peace. Keep shining that out to the world!

Okay....I could go on forever, but I'm getting sleepy. Tomorrow is an early morning yoga day with some friends, a bike and a run, and an event in the city with Lululemon. I'll write again next week when I'm all nervous for my last race of the year, but I'll remind myself of these fun little things when I start to get stressed because really, all the worrying doesn't help at all.

Happy Summer in November!

Really, How Long Does an Ironman Last?

2009-11-01T15:40:00.013-06:00

The technical definition of an Ironman Triathlon is 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run...completed in 17 hours or under. But the journey to an Ironman begins long before you toe the starting line, dive off the pier, jump into the river, sprint into the lake, run into the ocean or hear the cannon go off. The journey to becoming an Ironman starts when you are inspired by another with the idea of signing up.

We've all heard someone's Ironman story-they are all different, all heart-felt, all with different beginnings and different endings. I've had the opportunity to watch strangers and friends complete an Ironman. I've tracked friends online and cheered for them from my couch. I've seen finishing pictures, and videos when I couldn't be there. This year, I talked to a friend when he wasn't able to finish, and in Hawaii, I saw people cross the finish line after the defined finishing time of 17 hours. I believe all of these cases represent Ironman athletes. Not because they finished but because they started something so huge - a lifelong journey of discovery.

Until a few hours ago, I didn't realize when my story started, but I know my journey is so far from over. My story started in 2002 when I told my best friend Caryn that I would go with her to watch her sister do Ironman Wisconsin.

In September of 2002, I went to Madison, Wisconsin to watch Kristi (Caryn's sister) do her first Ironman. I had no idea what this event was all about. I lived in Madison for four years but didn't even know the event existed because I was a little too busy partying in college. That was a journey in discovery itself, but fortunately not the topic of this blog. When I found out what Ironman was, I thought the idea was crazy. Who does that? Who would want to do that? But then I got to thinking, if other people are doing this what's to say that I couldn't do it too? Anyway, Caryn and I watched as Kristi prepared her food the night before the race, we made signs to hold up for her while she biked, and we were in shock at the fact that the swim started at 7am. We decided to sleep in and miss that part. Cut me some slack, I just finished college;) We saw Kristi as she biked through Verona and we ran half the marathon with her. I saw her get delirious on the run - having to go pee, then not having to go, wanting pretzels, then not, wanting soup then not wanting soup, walking with her when she needed to and encouraging her to run because we knew she could. And then we watched in awe, shivers filling my whole body as she crossed the finish line. Even though I didn't do the event, I can remember pictures of this day in my mind like it was yesterday. I remember thinking....I want this! But I don't think I realized what "this" was at the time because I was not ready to sign up and commit to it.

Fast forward to 2007, my nutty friend Stef said we should sign up for an Ironman. At this point I had two triathlons under my belt and knew what it took to swim, bike, and run in a race. I thought Stef was crazy for suggesting it, but I remembered all the "I want to do this" thoughts I had as Kristi got ready for, participated in, and completed Ironman Wisconsin. It was all of those little moments that inspired me to want to sign up. How hard could it be really? We had a year to train for this and I had a friend crazy enough to train with me. So, Stef and I drove up to Madison, Wisconsin. We watched the run from a bar, and cheered strangers in the dark at the finish line. When in our lives do we smile at strangers, let alone cheer for strangers? We do this when, in our hearts, we feel a huge sense of passion for something and a strong sense of hope and love for someone's happiness, well-being and self discovery. I wanted what these people had! Not from a jealous standpoint, because when we are jealous we don't cheer. We sit back and we "wish for" what others have instead of going out and getting it ourselves. Instead, these Ironman athletes inspired me. All these people, different shapes, sizes, athletic ability levels, backgrounds, struggles, injuries, victories, etc....but all with the same goal - a one day, 140.6 mile journey to the finish line, to have Mike Reily shout out, "You are an Ironman!" and little did I know... just the start of a lifetime of self discovery.

One year ago, it was my turn. I get everything ready that I could control. I was in the perfect mindset for that day and the stars aligned for a perfect race for me - training, tapering, nutrition, mental attitude, bike mechanics, weather, fan support, just everything. I have a photographic memory of all the moments of that race - the preparation for the race, the times of elation and exhaustion during the race. I can picture each and every time I saw my fan crew, saw Andy running around taking pictures of me all over campus, and I will always remember the guy who told me to keep running and that he wouldn't let me finish behind him because I was in front of him all day. Those little moments, those little signs of love and support from friends and strangers were so critical to where I am today and will be forever etched in my memory.

Now here I am, 2009...a two time Ironman. I'm a bit of a brat, I'll admit now as many of you have pointed it out to me :) - I have a little bit of youngest child syndrome - I want to do things my way, I don't want help, I want it all, and I'm going to go out and get it. So I do, I go out and I do an Ironman. I train myself. I train with friends. I have fun. I set no expectations and I qualify for Kona in my first time out. My first Ironman was one of the most amazing days of my life. Call it fate, call it luck, call it destiny...it was one of those days that you pray you have for each and every race. Some wait a lifetime of racing to get one of these star-aligning days at Ironman (or a 70.3 qualifying half). I was blessed with it the first time out of the blocks; however, until this week, I really didn't realize what a gift this was to receive and the self discovery that would come as a result.

As many of you know, I teach yoga for a living and it's not just about physical poses. It's about showing up for life. Some days all we can do is show up, roll out our mat and go through the motions of the physical practice. We do our best to stay present, we breathe, we listen, we stretch, we sweat and we feel lighter when we leave because whether we know it or not, we let go of some of our burdens. The same is true for training. We have a workout we are following, we check the box when it's done and we feel victorious when it is complete. Then there are those days where all the aforementioned stuff happens and we have a big "A Ha" moment about our life, similar to the star aligning race days we pray for. Today was one of those days on my yoga mat.

In every moment of our lives we are on a journey of discovery - there is a past, there is a future, and there is the present. There is the past - we know where we have been and those memories are great, but they are just that - memories, mistakes, and lessons learned, perhaps. Then there is the future - we don't know where the future will take us and we can do everything within our control to prepare ourselves for it, but there is a greater power at work called faith, and we have to acknowledge it. Then there is the present moment - and truly that is all we have all the time. When we are present, we are in a state of constant discovery. We are at a heightened awareness of everything around us, we are at our center. We see and hear more, we feel more, we experience more, we discover more. We aren't thinking about what we did in the past, or how our future will pan out. We aren't fearful, we don't analyze, or worry, or complain. We are just in the NOW - centered, aware and it's awesome!

That's when it hit me. Ironman isn't just a 140.6 mile race that starts when you toe the line and ends when you cross the finish line. It's a conscious journey of discovery that lasts as long as you allow it to. Like I said, my Ironman journey started when I first learned of what an Ironman was. I didn't sign up for an Ironman right after hearing about it, I wasn't ready. I needed to learn about it, understand its complexity and how powerful it is. The decision to sign up for Ironman took time and thought. With time, consideration and faith, my intuition told me to sign up for it and so I did, I was ready. Then it was time to learn about Ironman in a completely new way, from the perspective of a "first timer." I found a training plan, talked like a novice about the event with those who had experienced it before, and then experienced the event for the first time. I was in a constant state of discovery when doing the first one and I had faith that the day would go as it should. Why did this change for the second one? Well, because I started to expect more. I had the, "I've done this before" attitude (based on the past), thinking that it could create the same "perfect" experience in Kona (my future). So stupid!!! I missed out on so much as a result of these expectations. What I've realized is that all of these moments are opportunities laid out for us as they are supposed to so that we can learn, change, and grow into the person that we are put on this earth to be.

Racing in Kona is a memory now. I did it and it will be a day I remember for the rest of my life. I am so fortunate to say that I got a chance to race in this beautiful place among the best in the world. I didn't just race among the best in the world, but I am among the best in the world in the Ironman distance! I didn't quite grasp the power of this statement. Regardless of how the race itself went, this is something that I didn't wrap my head around until people started pointing out to me upon my return. It's not egotistical either, it's the truth. The truth is that I did all I could do on the day of the race. The idea that I gave anything less than my best is a lie. Just because it didn't match some crazy expectation only I set for myself is something I can dwell on or let go and learn from for future preparations as my Ironman days are far from over. For a few weeks, I felt they were over because I thought I didn't have one of those star-aligning days in Kona. I realize, however, that the stars aligned just as they were supposed to on October 10, 2009. They allowed me the opportunity to dig deep within myself and see what I was made of for that one day and then also what I would do with the lessons from that day for my future. To put my head down and give up or pick my head up and move forward. We always have that choice.

A new chapter of my life started when I was first inspired to think about Ironman and I am so thankful that it started. A new chapter began when I completed Kona and I wouldn't change what I experienced there for one second. Since the race, everyone has been asking me, "So are you going to do it again?" "When's the next race?" "What are you going to do next year?" It's kinda like getting married - the "when are you going to have kids" questions come on the wedding day. Hahaha. The only thing I know right now is that I have the 70.3 (half-Ironman) World Championships in less than two weeks that I'm preparing for. When that is complete, I'm taking a much needed break and have some fun. I'm going to Maya Tulum, Mexico for a one week yoga bootcamp with some of my yoga students. Yes, this is what I call fun! This will allow me to start thinking about what I want to do next year. I have some ideas, but I'm still working through what I want to do that will challenge me in new ways in all aspects of my life.

I might not be doing my own Ironman next year, but my Ironman days will still continue in other ways....stay tuned!

Finally....the race report

2009-10-22T13:07:00.008-05:00

This entry has taken me a few weeks to write because it's taken me a few weeks to get over the race that was supposed to be the race of my life. It was the hardest day of my life.

The words that sum up this day for me....

"This is an Ironman worthy of an M-Dot tattoo!" But...nope, I'm not getting one.

The long day started at about 4:20 a.m. Time to shake and bake!!! Hahaha...kidding, but seriously....I anxiously got out of bed, got dressed, made some coffee and breakfast. I had an almond butter bagel and a small bowl of oatmeal. When I finished my breakfast, I braided my hair in the cute way that Robin taught me on the drive to Iowa. I finally got it right:) My family said their good lucks to me and Andy and I hopped in the car to get down to the pier. It was still dark out, but the sun was starting to rise over the mountain.

I turned on my iPod and made my way into body marking and dropped off my special needs bag. Everyone asks me about how I eat during this long day and this is part of it. At the half-way point on the bike and the run, you get to pick up your own bag that has nutrition in it. If you need it, you take it. If you don't need it, you can leave it. While you are on your almost at the half way point, someone across the street from the special needs station yells your number across the street so by the time you make the turn around, your bag is ready. It's great so that you don't have to carry all of your stuff with you.

I then went into the transition area, put the rest of my nutrition on my bike. I like some of my own stuff. I do Hammer Perpetuem and almond butter sandwiches that are stored in a little lunch box on the top tube of my bike frame. I triple checked everything, put some air in my tires, said hi to Adam, went to the bathroom and then gave my after the race bag to my family. I waited in transition while the sun came up and took notice of the nervous energy of all the racers in pink and blue caps anxiously awaiting the long day ahead. Some people in the Navy parachuted down from a plane into Kailua Bay to begin their long day ahead. It was so awesome to see in person. They looked like they were going to crash into transition, but they safely landed in the water. The National Anthem was sung and my body filled with shivers as it always does...and I'm sure my mom was crying (she always does). The canon fired for the start of the professional race. The pros start 15 minutes before the age-groupers and then it's our turn. I hung back and stretched a little. My hip flexors always get tight when I get nervous and excited so I made sure to open them up a bit...then down the steps I went onto the sand.

I saw Blazemom and Blazedad sitting on the breakwall. They gave me their good wishes for the day and I made my way into the water. I swam out into the water and tried to find a spot on the left side, away from the buoys. I like to surround myself with pink caps (girls) so that if I get kicked it will be a little less abrasive than a man's kick. Taking the advice of a friend, after I found my spot, I turned around and looked at the people standing on the pier and at the water's edge. I took it all in...the blue sky, the cheering, the energy. Not two seconds after I turned back around the canon fired. Here we go!!!

The swim started out okay. I remember thinking to myself, "This isn't so bad. I have space, I'm moving forward." That didn't last long. Within a few minutes it was like I was in a dunk tank and I had a bulls-eye on my toes that said, "dunk this girl!" My legs were under the water, there were people on both sides of me so I couldn't breath stroke side to side, and the people in front of me weren't moving fast enough for me to speed up fast enough not to get taken under the water. "This is not good," I thought. I did my best to stay afloat and not to panic. I was exerting so much energy and going nowhere. I thought to myself, "this is what they mean when they say you aren't going to win it in the water, but you sure can lose it." I was exhausted and I wasn't covering any ground. I just told myself not to panic, and do my best. This will end. Breathe. Being calm is easier than freaking out. I don't know how long that dunk session lasted but I would guess a good 2-3 minutes. I finally found open water. I was tired though. It took a minute or so to get my groove back and I was okay. I finally got to a clearing for and it would last about four minutes. Then the cluster would happen again. Then my right eye starting stinging because my goggles were leaking. I turned enough to look and notice I had some space behind me so I flipped on my back, flipped my goggles up to get the water out, suctioned them back to my face, and kept swimming. I swam the majority of the first mile with a guy on my right that breathed to his left, while I breathed to my right. Every stroke he took, the water from his splash went into my mouth. Saltwater is not cool.

The first mile of the swim was worse than I ever imagined an open water swim to be-short of getting kicked, or the wind knocked out of me. Thank God for that. When do I get to turn? I couldn't see the buoys very well because it was a little choppy and it wasn't easy to see higher than the level of the water. After the turn, it was fine and I was thankfully heading back to the pier. I just kept it slow and steady. I had a timer on my watch that would vibrate every 20 minutes so I knew how long I'd been in the water, but I was really beyond caring at this point. Goodness 2.4 miles is a long way. Why did I think this was a good idea? My watch vibrated for the third time so I knew I was in the water for an hour and I still had a while to go to the pier. So much for that 1:05 goal. I reminded myself of the words from the welcome dinner to "Enjoy your day and not get caught up in your time. You only get one first time at Kona." So, I reminded myself to enjoy it. I took in my surroundings which are not available most places we swim - there are never life guards on surf boards, the water is never so clear that you can see someone 20 feet away, nor can you see pretty fish swimming underneath you. This was what it was about. When my hand touched the sand, I stood up, fell over, and then made my way up the stairs. The timer said 1:17. Ouch! Ouch not so much for the time, but my heal was hurting while I ran through transition. Uh oh. The plantar facitis that I've been dealing with was still there so I reminded myself to do what I could.

I grabbed my bike transition bag. I threw my speed suit into it and ran to my bike. I still had my goggles and my cap in my hand. Woops. I threw them next to my bike...in the very empty rack of bikes. Not cool to get to the bike without lots of bikes still there. Again, oh well. Then it hit me, I forgot my bib in my bag. I yelled to a volunteer, but they couldn't find it. I stood in transition, not moving for 3 minutes. Just stood there. You need your bib on your back for the bike. Then they said just to go and give them my number on the way out of transition. It wasn't as big of a deal as I thought but I needed my bib for the run. So as I mounted my bike and made my way out, I saw my family. I yelled to Andy and my dad to get my other bib from the condo. They were all so pumped to see me, it was so cool...but I was so worried about my bib, pissed about having to stand in transition, and still getting over my long swim that my smile didn't come easy at that point. It was going to be a long time until I saw them again...saw anyone besides volunteers for that matter.

Onto the bike my legs were whoa tired. They always come around though and they did. It took about 40 minutes to get the crap saltwater, dry mouth feel out of my mouth. I rinsed water in my mouth a lot. I rode well for the first 40 miles. I felt strong, confident and I let my crappy swim go. I was having a good time. I like the bike portion of races. It's not as brutally draining as the run, and you get to cover a lot of ground pretty fast. I don't remember at what point I started seeing the pros, but I was on the lookout for that lead car. It was a lot more exciting to focus on seeing that than looking at the lava fields. I'm not going to lie. This was probably one of the most visually unappealing bike rides I've ever been on for 112 miles. The corn fields of Illinois at least have animals. Sure, you could see the ocean on your left on the way out, and on the right on the way back...but lava fields get boring after awhile. It was really exciting to see that lead car and to see the pros hammering away. I reminded myself several times that this is an opportunity of a lifetime. This is the mac daddy of Ironman races and I'm apart of it. This is the race that's on tv. This is Kona! This is a big deal! I cheered for the pros that I knew, and their drive and desire for this gave me energy to keep going.

Then as we turned off of the Queen K and started heading toward Hawi, the winds picked up. Was I riding with a tail wind during that first part? I don't think so. It wasn't easy. But the wind up to Hawi was not fun. At this point, I started taking in some of my sandwiches and just kept riding as well as I could. At the turnaround point I grabbed my special needs bag with my Hammer drink and Gu Chews. I'm so glad I had those. We had a tail wind on the ride down from Hawi, but it didn't last as long as I would have liked. The ride was getting tougher and tougher because of the winds and fatigue and to top it off, I started puking up my food. The sandwiches that I've counted on for every race were not sitting well. I was getting calories from other stuff but for the entire last 60 miles of the ride, I was puking up the sandwiches that I ate earlier along with some of my Hammer drink, bananas and fluids. Because of this, I was trying to take in any solid foods I could. I was eating bananas and oranges at every aid station. I dipped into my chews and I made sure to finish my Hammer drink and hydrate really well. It was hot!

Thankfully, I had sunscreen put on me during transition and I wasn't burning up. It was still really hot, but manageable. I am fortunate not to sweat a lot, and my core temperature seems to stay regulated pretty well. I still doused myself with two bottles of water in each aid station. One down my back and on my arms and one in my face. They weren't always cold, so it wasn't always a cooling off, but it felt good to get the saltiness off. The last 40 miles were straight into a headwind. There is nothing more humbling than looking down to see that my pace was a mere 16mph. Everyone that was out there was working their butts off to get back to transition. My lower back was killing me and I sat up a few times to twist it out. With about 10 miles to go, a guy passed me and said that we were almost done. I was glad to hear that from another athlete. That has to be one of my favorite things about this sport. Everyone out there knows how much suffering goes into training and racing. When you are feeling down, or just appearing down, the good people lift you up and keep you thinking about the goal being that finish line.

I finally made it back to Kona and into transition. I hopped off my bike. My back was jacked up. Ouch! I got my shoes on and either my foot didn't hurt at this point, or my back just hurt so much that I couldn't feel my foot. Haha. It's all about perspective. I had two bibs happily appear in my transition bag thanks to Andy and the volunteers. I saw my parents right away as I was running out of transition. I stopped at the fence to say hi to them, stretch my back out and tell them how f*ing hot it was outside. Wow! About a 1/2 mile up the road, I saw Andy and my back was so tweaked that I sat down to stretch it. Of course, because I sat, a spectator was worried something was wrong. That was nice. I told him I was okay. The ground was blazing hot so I didn't stretch for long.

About one mile into the run, there were a bunch of people cheering for me that I didn't know. I came to find out that this group had one person looking to see the number of the racer who was coming. Someone would look up their name and where they were from and cheer for them. I felt like these were my best friends so it was pretty cool that they did that. About three miles into the run, my back was starting to feel better. I was getting into a groove in my run. My perspective had changed so much during the course of the day though. At this point, only mile three of the run, it wasn't about winning a race, it wasn't about time, it was about finishing. I knew that I would finish, but how much suffering was I going to endure during this marathon? The first 10 miles were spectated so that was fun. A lot of locals with hoses spraying us down, some offering up beer, everyone cheering, as always the volunteers were great, and God did us a favor and it was overcast and it started drizzling. Ahhhhh, that was nice.

Right as I was finishing the down and back on Kuakini Hwy, I heard a helicopter overhead and wondered who they were following. I saw the 2nd place female pro and the entourage of media that was following her. That was a pretty cool thing to experience. A few seconds later, I saw Andy. Of course he told me that I looked strong though I sure didn't feel it. I started walking a few seconds later. My foot hurt a little, and my left IT band started hurting but nothing that was keeping me from running. I just didn't feel like it. Mentally, this was the toughest run I've ever done. Walking always turns back into running because I knew it would get me to the finish line faster...and I'm glad I was running then because I saw my entire family right before the Palani hill. They were so pumped to see me and I was so excited to see them. Their energy gave me some juice, but I was still not about to run up that hill. So I walked. I was fine with that.

Now comes the lonely part of this race - out to the Natural Energy Lab and back. There were some fun peeps from a bike shop blasting music, doing the wave, and cheering for everyone by first name. Besides them and the volunteers, the course was empty. I ran and walked the entire marathon with Darcy, a girl wearing a Colnago outfit that I saw a bunch of times on the bike.

We kept each other going. We'd both walk through the aid stations. Sometimes I'd walk a little longer and sometimes she'd walk a little longer. We'd both always catch up to each other, chit chat, keep each other motivated, remind each other about how getting to Kona was the prize. Doing the race is an honor, and finishing the race was going to be awesome. I saw Adam on my way out there and he asked me, "Are you as miserable as I am?" I responded, "I hate this!" Shortly after that, I walked a little longer through an aid station and some guy convinced me to start running. So I did. As I ran, he started complaining about every part of the race. God just punished me for complaining to Adam. I didn't need this guy to complain and I don't complain out loud during a race. I have enough mental B.S. going on in my head, I didn't need his. So I ran faster. And I kept running so that he wouldn't catch up to me. As I ran through the Energy Lab I saw two girls that I knew from previous races. My goal for the rest of the run had changed from just finishing to making sure that I finished ahead of them. Next, I saw a guy puking up every ounce of fluids in his body. Why I looked, I don't know, but I was thankful that I didn't have more stomach problems after the bike and that I was pretty well hydrated - both my body and my shoes for that matter. My feet were a sloshy mess after pouring so much water on myself during the run.

I saw my friend, MJ on my way back into town and she said, "We're in Kona Sister!" I smiled. The last 4 miles were solo. I think this is how they should be run. As I ran down the Queen K, I watched the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. It was a beautiful, bittersweet sunset. As it set, I thought about how I always envisioned myself finishing this race when it was dark with all the lights on, just like we see it on television. I had forgotten about this vision because, though Adam told me at least 10 times "you never know what will happen in Ironman - especially Kona," I was so caught up in having "the perfect race." I liked watching the sunset. I trekked back into town and it was killer to hear all the screaming from the finish line knowing that I still had another mile to go before I got there. But it was the best mile ever!!!

Running down Ali'i Drive through all the people, seeing all the kids on the street, slapping hands, feeling all the pain from the day wash away in the shivers of excitement rushing through my body. I saw the lights that I pictured for so long. I was glowing. It was my turn to cross the finish line. I ran down the finishing shoot and slapped anybody's hands that were held out. I rolled across the finish line to honor Blazeman and for a split second, I wondered how I was going to get up, but I did.

Click Here to Watch Me Finish!

MaryAnn Blais put a lei on me and gave me a huge hug after I crossed the finish line. That was an awesome greeting. Andy was in the finishing shoot as I walked through and he took me to meet up with the rest of my family. The first thing I did was take off my shoes. The second thing was to eat.

Finally, the pizza arrived. I had 4 pieces. I was starved!

I wish that I could say that this day was one of the best days of my life, but I would be lying. Qualifying for Kona was one of the best days of my life. Those feelings of elation, anticipation and excitement were so unbelievable. Before I did Ironman Wisconsin, I remember someone talking about all the highs and lows that you feel during Ironman. Well, at Wisconsin it was filled with way more highs than lows. At Kona, I struggled to find many of the highs. My race day attitude of leaving everything out on the course didn't pan out as well as I'd hoped, and actually I carried many thoughts of disappointment of this race with me for the last two weeks. Whenever anyone has asked me how it went, the only response I can offer is that it was the hardest thing that I've ever done. When anyone asks if given the opportunity, would I do it again, I don't really think I would. Admitting to both of these things have been difficult. It's caused me to show parts of myself that I push under the surface and hide - doubt, fear and uncertainty. Did I train right? Do I like training this much? Do I like triathlons? Am I good enough? Everyone has congratulated me on a great race and awed at the fact that I finished. I am, of course, my worst critic and because the day didn't go perfectly, and I didn't meet my crazy expectations, I have felt, at times, that I wished the day didn't happen. This is so far from how I look at everything else in the world and having these negative thoughts has really brought me down. I've had a few good venting sessions about the whole experience and each time I let it out, I feel better.

I've learned a lot of good lessons from this race.

1) I am not a quitter or any less of an athlete when I say that I don't like the Ironman distance. I like to race and I don't feel like I can race for 140.6 miles.

2) Life happens just as it's supposed to. God gives us what we can handle to learn our lessons in this life. I am human. I cannot let go of other personal stuff and still race like a rock star. That being said, I can do the best that I can to stay focused on the task at hand.

3) What the human body is capable of doing is absolutely amazing. Being apart of this race and experiencing the conditions make me truly appreciate the human body. Chrissie Wellington and Craig Alexander are close to superhuman as are all of the other athletes that finished this race or had the courage to start.

Speaking of finishing this race. Andy and I went back to the finish line between 11:00pm-12:00midnight to cheer the last of the finishers in. It was the most inspiring part of my day. We watched 70+ year olds finish this race from their first time to their 20th time. We also watched a few people come short of being an Ironman by just a few minutes. I know that they struggled out there more than I did, and when they knew they weren't going to finish in time, that didn't stop them. Nor will it stop them from trying again. This is just a little footage from the end of the race. I would go back every year just to feel the energy of the island the week before the race, and enjoy the energy of the finish for this last hour. I realized that I don't need to be apart of everything to feel like an Ironman, nor do I need to finish in anything less than 17 hours to be an Ironman. This is what it's all about!

An Experience of a Lifetime

2009-10-14T14:50:00.036-05:00

Andy made a sign for me and put it up in the window of my yoga studio.

Taking my bike apart for it's first ever journey to the Big Island of Hawaii.

This is the box it goes in...thanks Jenny for letting me borrow your bike box this season!!!

KONA - it's every triathletes dream... I thought it was just about the race, but going to Kona for Ironman is more than just about race day, it's about the 360 degree experience of the island. I've heard so much about the heat of the lava fields, Pele's tradewinds, the craze of the competitive mass start, the blazing energy lab...and I could go on. The best part about my experience in Kona wasn't the race. It was about spending time there the week prior to the race to take in the Aloha spirit of the island and relish in the fact that I already made it here. If you are looking for the race report....it's still being written. I think this post is even better!

We arrived in Kona almost a full week prior to the race. I am forever thankful for this part of the plan of our trip. I had a huge support crew. We stayed in a two-bedroom condo down Ali'i Drive thanks to our great neighbors who shared their timeshare with us! It was Andy, my parents, my in-laws, my sister-in-law and me. I'm a nutcase leading up to race day, and this race proved that to me fo shizzle. I pretend to be all cool and collected, like nothing bothers me and I can go with the flow... and I'm just a raging on the inside. I am a stressball. I need my own time. I need to be away from everyone. I need to not be doted on. I need to just be by myself quite a bit. I think this is why I love to train for Ironman, actually. It gives me a lot of time to just be alone, to think, to meditate, to push myself, to be myself, to smile, to cry, to worry, to be with my thoughts. This week, I needed to hit the reset button on life so amidst all the chaos of race week I chose to wake up before the sun came up most mornings to meditate on the ocean and do a little yoga. Call me a bee-otch but nobody was invited.

The cool thing about Hawaii is that all beaches are accessible to the public. This shoreline, which I found in the dark at about 5am, was just a block from our condo.

I didn't know what lies ahead, but I was excited to see...

This was "my place" for the week. As the sun rose over the mountain behind me, the sea started to light up. The ocean crashed upon the shore and I sat quiet for 20 minutes in the morning and shimmied myself on the break wall with my yoga mat and moved some energy around to start my day.

After starting my day this way, I felt more like myself. I was still a little crazed and ready for a taste of the Hawaii Ironman course. Here's what my week looked like...

Sunday - travel day

Monday - rest day

Tuesday - swim (supposed to be in the pool), I swam in the ocean and a 40 minute run

Wednesday - 45 minute ride, 20 minute open water swim

Thursday - rest day

Friday - 30 minute ride, pool swim

Saturday - RACE DAY

The whole week was triathlete heaven - all focused on Ironman and just so spectacular. Even if you aren't a triathlete, Kona is a magical place the week prior to the race and a few days after. Even if you never ever want to do an Ironman...I suggest you go and volunteer and watch your perspective on life change just from the magic of the island.

I've never seen this sign in any other city I've traveled to.

And who actually respects cyclists? I love Kona!

Sunday

Traveling 12 hours to get to Hawaii sucked. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get comfortable and so I tried to make the most of not having anything to do so I read almost a whole book, wrote in my journal, listened to my iPod, talked to other athletes on the plane. Walking out of the plane and feeling the heat was a major wake up call. It was hot as balls! I got laid when I got there (hahahaha), we checked into our condo and then headed to the Kona Brewing Company. The race was still a week out...a few beers and some yummy pizza wouldn't hurt anything. The Lavaman Red is by far the best beer that I've ever had. The pizza there was scrumdiliumptious and our server was super cool. After drinking and eating we headed back to our condo. I unpacked my bike. When putting my handlebars back on, I turned my fork the wrong way and got all frustrated because my wheel wouldn't fit. I freaked out for a few seconds, walked away and then realized I was a bonehead, and clearly sleep deprived, and turned the fork back around. It was about 8:00pm Hawaii time (1:00am our time) we went to bed. We were wiped out!

Monday

I had nothing planned for Monday except for a massage to work out the travel day and an afternoon walking the shops of Ali'i drive with my mom. Andy and I woke up before the sun was up and decided to drive down to a place called "Two Step" to snorkel. We stopped at a little cafe, picked up a bagel and coffee, chatted with a nice local man and found our way to some beautiful waters. We sat on the lava rock for 20 minutes and meditated. Before we jumped in, we had the chance to talk to a local deep sea diver named Ted. He was a little nutty, but clearly very passionate about respecting the marine life, respecting the ocean, and diving. He told us all about breathing and deep sea diving and it's freaking narley! They can stay underwater for a ridiculously long time. Anyway, we jumped in and swam around with the fish for an hour or so. The water was beautiful!

Having a little fun under the water

We got back at like 8:30. Crazy how much you can do when you wake up early! I had a massage and then later mom and I went to the market and bought some super duper fresh fruits, admired all the Ironman gear available at every store, got some shaved ice, and just enjoyed the warm weather.

Me with two Ironman and Ironwoman statues. Seriously, the whole town is branded Ironman!

Sampled some Donkey Balls - which are chocolate covered macademia nuts. Notice the flavor of this one. Half-ass frosted. I also tried the blue balls and the salty balls. Hahaha!

Mom with her Hawaiian shaved Ice. I think this was a small. Crazy!

We had dinner at the Fish Hopper (good calamari, the rest was just so-so) right across from the pier and watched the sunset over the Pacific. After dinner each night we were all pretty wiped out because we were still adjusting to the time change.

Tuesday

Thank God!!! I get to workout. I was so pumped to get out and play on the course. It was 1.5 miles from our condo to the swim start, so I ran in Hawaii fashion - bikini top, shorty shorts with a flower in my hair and my swim cap and goggles in my hand.

I smiled at everyone that I ran past and one of my smiles scored me a TYR Sayonara speed suit. WHAT????!!! I smiled at some guy who works for TYR and he asked me if I was racing. I said yes and he asked me if I had a speed suit. I told him yes and he asked if I was obligated to wear it. I said, no and so he told me to stop by the TYR house and pick up a speed suit for the race. I thought to myself, "all it took was a smile? Wow!" I ran past the pier a little ways and then made my way back to get my swim in. I did a little speed work in the water and admired all the little fishies swimming around underneath me. The water was so clear. There was a lot of coral below and the fish just have a hay-day down there. It was hard to concentrate on swimming. When I was about to turn back around I saw a guy doing some water running. How do I know that? You can see perfectly under the water...seriously so crazy. I asked him if it was his first time in Hawaii and he said no. He actually was here several times and he happened to be the guy from the 2008 NBC Ironman special who fell on his bike right in front of the car. If you've seen that special, you know who I'm talking about. He told me that he didn't know if the car hit him or if he fell in front of it because he passed out. YIKES!!! He's a veteran at this and that happened to him out here. Very scary. In typical triathlon fashion, he gave me pre-race advice about how to train leading up to the race. Thanks for that Mr., very much appreciated, but I'll stick to my own plan. I headed back in.

As I was putting my shoes back on, I look up and notice a very nice looking guy with a Triathlete Magazine shirt on. It was Mitch Thrower. Of all the articles in that magazine, I always read his. He's a great writer, and his perspective on triathlon is very refreshing. I was thrilled to meet him. I said hi and before I knew it, I was being interviewed as a "Kona first-timer." They asked me a few questions about what I do, qualifying, what I thought so far, if I was nervous and all that. Then I walked with them back up Ali'i drive just chit-chatting about race week, yoga, and nonsense. It was only 9:30 in the morning and I had already had the best day ever! We spent the day at the beach next to the hotel where NBC was doing interviews. We saw Chrissie Wellington, Craig Alexander and several others being interviewed. I opted to just chillax at the beach rather than bug them. Tuesday night was the Ironman Parade of Nations...and guess who got to hold the American Flag? This girl!!! I got there a little early and asked if there was anything I needed to do and the people at the check-in asked if I wanted to hold the American Flag. I figured they wanted someone special and they said, "You're here aren't you?" So, I was the girl holding the American Flag. It was so cool. I was in the front of the U.S.A. peeps in the parade and I had a perma-smile for the entire duration of the parade. Not like fake, beauty pageant smile but serious ear-to-ear grin for the honor that I had that day. The next day, my picture was on slowtwitch.com. Good to be on slowtwitch for something positive for a change.

The start of the parade

Right before the parade, they have a dip n dash race for the keikis (children)

Pre-parade photos. This smile didn't leave my face for over an hour.

According to Dale, this is not how you properly hold the flag. Clearly I was never part of the "Flag" team in high school. I played sports instead.

The Ironman Village opened right after the parade and I stopped at a few booths and picked up my new TYR Sayonara swim skin, said hi to Blazemom and Blazedad, talked with Mac, Brad and Chris my buddies at Quintana Roo, and of course nibbled on tons of free Powerbar samples.

Wednesday

Today was the day to check out the Queen K Hwy by bike and by car.

I got the day started by getting a little tune up on my bike from Brad at Quintana Roo. He helped me with everything I needed prior to race day-including a Queen K photo shoot. It was great!

This was my full bike -pre Zipp wheels. Brad was adjusting my brakes-they were way loose. Apparently, I need a whole new set of tri bars for this brake system.

This was my support vehicle and photography car for my ride on the Queen K.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, they do. Not only did Quintana Roo hook me up with a CD0.1 (for keeps by the way), they gave me all the support I could ever need for a race that I had to travel for. Brad fixed up my brakes before heading out on my first ride. Before my second ride, he fixed my rear derailer and tightened the hub on the back wheel of my new 404s (details later). They also offered me a new saddle to try. I'm up for trying out anything once if it will save my crotch. So I was off for a little warm up, and a little 10 minute tempo ride with some sprints on the Queen K. I was psyched just to get out there and see what this road was like. By far, Kona has the best paved streets that I've ever ridden on. Thanks to the Hawaii taxpayers for those! The winds on this little stretch were nothing, but the heat was intense. I was sweating on the bike and I never sweat on the bike. While I was on my way back, the black mustang pulled up next to me and snapped a bunch of photos of me hammering on my bike. They caught me during my sprints so I looked like a rock star. I finished my last sprint and I look ahead and I see a girl riding and I read "Kainoa" on the butt. By golly, it's Bree Wee. We rode the next 20 minutes back into town together and chatted along the way. This made my week. She is such a supastar athlete and more importantly, a supastar person. If you ever want to be inspired, read her blog.

After my little shake down ride, it was time to hit the Queen K by car. We drove the entire bike course up to Hawi and then went as far as one of the roads would go to a beautiful overlook and took a fabulous hike down to a beautiful black sand beach.

This photo doesn't even do the scenery justice.

Every inch of land in Hawaii is breathtaking (in the non-Seinfeld sort of way).

The hike was fine for those of us wearing sneakers. The flip-flop crew and the padres had it a little bit harder. The prize was amazing!!!

I like to do a yoga pose every place where I find beauty.

The hike back up was a little tough. Surprisingly, Dale did not have his shirt off, my mother didn't strangle me, and my dad wasn't dropping any f-bombs. They were all very good sports. Hats off to you!

We hit up a local deli for some lunch and coffee and then headed back. There is a lot of coffee in Hawaii. I definitely had a two-a-day coffee habit while I was there. I was sure to drink tons of water to make sure I didn't dehydrate for the race though.

Here is proof...Andy caught me peeing in the field. I couldn't wait for a bathroom.

After our trip to Hawi, I got a swim in at the pier. I tried out the new TYR swimskin to see which of my swim skins I wanted to wear. I did an out and back swim and there was a major current. It took me an extra two minutes to get back. I felt like I wasn't moving at all.

This one didn't chafe up my neck so I am opted to wear this one for the race.

We went out for dinner on Wednesday night and while I kept it healthy with a yummy salad and some bread, I indulged in my last beer. Some of the best athletes drink two beers a day:) Cheers to them!

Thursday

Today was the big Underwear Run. It started near the pier on Ali'i Drive at 8am. It's a 1 mile shuffle and it was a freaking riot. Before we headed out, we got some good pics.

I was a "Sconnie" back in the day...still a little bit at heart.

Sconnie is tailgating, bowling, bubblers, washing cheese curds down with a beer, having a tractor-shaped mailbox, or eating a cream puff. If you like eating a brat and cheering for the Pack, you know what we're talking about.

The actual run was an even better opportunity to capture the spirit of Ironman and the freaking hot bodies.

There was a crowd of probably 200-300 people participating.

We ran into Adam

and Mark and Teresa from Runners High N Tri - only caught Mark in his undies though...

The Lovato's....not a bad view from behind at all.

Some guys in thongs and red wigs...
And a crew of K-Swiss bums
and a future Ironman bum...

Talk about a hot bodies running in their undies. Sweet! After it was all said and done, a friend informed me that my pic ended up on slowtwitch again. Funny! I wondered where in the world all those reporters were from. I think the creepy guy that took 7 pictures of me was not a reporter though...scary!

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and snorkeling at Waikoloa Beach. We ventured out pretty far from shore and saw some sea turtles and pretty fish.

We stopped at the Ironman Village to pick up some race wheels. A friend of mine hooked me up with his buddies at Zipp for a set of 404s to use for the race. Thank you Jason, Jason, and Brian for the hookup.

I had another massage that afternoon and then headed to the E Komo Mai (Welcome) dinner at the King K hotel. The welcome dinner was awesome. We sat next to a bunch of German guys that were very friendly and super duper pumped that a new Ironman was coming to their home town. It was like being at an inspirational luau. There were hula dancers, fire dancers, Hawaiian blessings, and inspirational stories. The most inspiring story was Rudy Garcia-Tolson, a 21 year-old bilateral above-knee amputee. He has no leg muscles. He runs and bikes without the use of quadricep or hamstring muscles. While Rudy wasn't able to finish the race (he missed the bike cut-off time), he possesses all the qualities that make up an Ironman - Courage, Heart, Determination, and Positivity. When you think you can't do something this big, think about all the things that come up in this young man's mind that make him want to quit. Talk about amazing!

Friday - A relaxing day before the race

I started the day with a nice relaxing breakfast with the family. Some peanut butter banana pancakes, mangos and coffee. Then I headed down to get a final bike tune-up before heading out on my final shake out ride before the race.

This is my final bike for the race. Her name is "Honu" which means sea turtle. I saw more sea turtles than any other animal on the island, and they are fast little guys. And while I'm not a strong swimmer, I'm determined to be one in the future. So, it's future thinking and meaningful...in honor of Hawaii.

Upon my return, my best friend Caryn stopped over with her my God Daughter, Izzie, and her in-laws. Caryn is 6 months pregnant and she came out to cheer me on. While she didn't get to see me as much as she had hoped, it meant so much to have her out there for me.

We scored a slew of bananas...not sure exactly how

The rest of the day was spent relaxing poolside (in the shade, of course). Later on, I did a swim at the Kona Aquatics Center. It is the sweetest outdoor pool ever. And it was free. There were all these little keiki's doing swimming lessons, and I ran into Crowie...and he even recognized me from our run a few months ago at Runner's High N Tri. He said he was a little nervous for the race, so that was very humbling to hear. He is seriously such a nice guy.

Craig Alexander is a two-time Ironman World Champion. Pretty much a stud.

Then it was time to head to the pier to set up all my gear for race day. I'm a cheeseball and I took photos of everything.

First off...you want to know how they get the counts of all the gear at the races. Check out the media in this picture.

They count everything as you walk in. They are checking out your bike like it is a piece of meat.

These are my transition bags. Many people ask, "Where do you put your stuff from swim to bike, and bike to run?" Answer- In these bags. One has my bike stuff, one has my run stuff. You grab it as you transition from one leg of the race to the next and you can change your clothes, your shoes, and drink/eat whatever else you might have in there.

This was my bike set up for race day.

And there is me...ready to go.

Then we headed to Lava Java to sit and chill. This is our view of the swim course from the hottest coffee spot in Kona.

Before my pasta dinner at the condo, I had one more thing I needed to do before the race. I headed down to my spot for the week to watch the sunset on Kailua Bay. With me, I brought Jon Blais' ashes. After hosting the Cycle-for-ALS event in February, I connected with Blazeman's parents Bob and MaryAnn Blais in June when I did the Rev3 race in Connecticut. Bob told me he was going to send me something special a month before the race. It was Jon's wish to have his ashes spread all over the world where there were triathletes living out the life that he loved. This is such an honor so I wanted to select a spot that would be most meaningful. Bob told me that the week before the 2005 Hawaii Ironman that Jon completed, he spent a lot of time meditating. He knew he was going to need all the strength and guidance from God to help him get through the race. It wasn't a matter of "if" he was going to finish, he was going to finish. While I was entering this race healthy, I have had a lot on my mind in the last month that has turned my focus away from Ironman. I knew I needed centering and God to get me through my race. I also knew the swim was going to be a challenge for me as it's my weakest link. So, this spot was perfect. I knew that while I was swimming in the bay, Jon's spirit would help me when I was troubled.

I wore the bracelet on my wrist for the race...

and said a prayer for Jon. I also prayed for all the athletes competing in the race the following day to give us strength.

As I sat on that lava rock, I thanked God for everything that has happened leading up to Saturday. To all the experiences that have shaped who I have become at this point in my life, and the athlete that I've become. I thanked Him for everything - the challenges that I've faced to get to this point, the injuries, the setbacks, the days I wanted to give up, the days I triumphed, the 2nd place girl at Ironman Wisconsin who didn't take her roll-down spot, to the people who have tried to bring me down, to my friends and family who have supported me, and everything in between that. I cried a few happy tears for all of it. Whatever the next day would bring would be amazing...Race Report coming soon

My Bikinis are Packed

2009-10-03T06:49:00.008-05:00

So I started packing last night for Hawaii. My flight takes off in 24 hours from right now. My mom has been asking me since about 2 months ago if I started packing, because I think she has been packed since I qualified for Kona last September. In the middle of the season, she has said several times, "I can't wait for you to be done with all this racing." She is a crier and gets very emotional with everything - like cry whenever the Star Spangled Banner is played kind of emotional. She gets super worried about me with all this racing and training...worried that I am eating enough and won't waste away to nothing, worried that I will be safe while I'm out riding and running, worried that I don't get hurt, but more so worried that I will achieve all my goals because I'm so darn hard on myself. Well, now we are about to jump on our jumbo jet and head to Hawaii and my mom has thanked me endlessly for doing this race so that she gets to go to Hawaii. For that alone, I am so happy to take this trip. My parents haven't been on a vacation in a long time and they need one. Andy and I got to talking last night and we don't know the last time that we took a vacation together and racing weekends don't count as vacations. I've gone to a lot of yoga bootcamps in the last year, but those also don't count as vacations for the two of us. This trip to Hawaii is about the Ironman. It's not a full-blown vacation, let's get real. I've got things to accomplish when I'm there and goals that I've been working all season to achieve. Here comes the age-old question, "what is your goal in Kona?" I started out the season thinking that I could probably take off 30 minutes from my time at Ironman Wisconsin with all the training I was going to be doing. Over the course of the year, I've seen myself improve drastically in the biking and the running and gaining more confidence in the swim. I calculated out all of my "goal" split times and I have some super stretch goals as well as goals unrelated to time. My close friends know what those are. But honestly, I'm taking the advice of a friend and not really setting any hard and fast time goals for this race. There are things I can control to a point - I know what my body is capable of and I'm confident in my nutrition, but I don't really know what to expect from the Hawaii winds and the heat from the lava fields. So those are variables that might slow me down, or I might find that spending 3 hours a day in a 90 degree yoga studio over the past year has really helped me stay strong through the stress of the heat. I'll find out in one week from today. I'm not really nervous yet, I'm just excited to be in Hawaii. It doesn't feel real yet. Hopefully, when I step off the plane I will start to get that Aloha energy filling my veins.

Back to the plans for the trip...we are going to be on the big island for 7 nights and then we jet set to Kauai for 3 nights. The only thing we have planned is a zip-line safari in Kauai after the race. We'll see how that goes when my body is physically wiped out. I'm optimistic. Other than that excursion, I am planning absolutely nothing. I have packed 5 bikinis. Two of them are training swim suits, and the rest are lay on the beach and read a book (under an umbrella to not get too drained from the sun, of course) bikinis. Speaking of bikinis...my friend Paige took a few pictures of me in a bikini two weeks ago and I entered the Triathlon Model Search competition and you can see all the people that entered on their website. Super funny. My picture is the first one that shows up. You can't vote or anything. I'm not exactly sure how all that works, but it's a fun thing to enter. The winner gets to go on a modeling shoot in Jamaica with Triathlete Magazine. I've always liked taking pictures and I love smiling, but for the first time in my life, I'm extremely confident in the way that I look in a bathing suit. Thanks to triathlon and yoga for giving me confidence, this physique, and a healthy outlook on life.

Back to the race. Several people have asked me what I will be wearing for the race. Thanks to Andre at Kiwami, I will be sporting a Power of Your Om triathlon kit. It's sweet!!!! They are the tiniest little shorts of all time, but they are my favorite shorts for racing ever!

I decided to go with "Adrienne" on the butt this time. Hopefully, I will get some "YO ADRIENNE" shout outs:)

I will also be lubed with Aquaphor (no sponsorship there, but after much trial and error, it's the best that I can find for the bike). The race is Saturday, October 10th and it starts at 7:00am Hawaii time. You can track me at www.Ironman.com by going to the athlete tracker and entering "Saeger." My bib is 1669 (sexy sexy).

To all of my students who have helped me stay strong over the past year, who have watched this journey of mine, and who have supported me with your smiles, your energy, and your pep talks, thank you! To all my friends and family going out there to watch me race. Let me tell you in advance how blessed I am to have you in my life. I'm so excited for you to share this experience with me. For the rest of my friends and family that can't be out there, thank you as well for your support and encouragement. Thank you for your cards, your phone calls, your text messages, your letters of encouragement, the youtube clips you've sent me to remind me what I have inside of myself, and just everything. I am so grateful for this wonderful life.

As far as goals go. Again, I don't have a goal but I have several quotes that I've read that I will dig up when times get tough over the 140.6 miles. I always teach my students to stay in a yoga pose for one more breath than they really want to and the same is going to hold true at Iroman. The the words that I'm taking with me on the course are this... "Never give up when you still feel you can take it." This is a message that is true for everything we do in life.

Aloha!

Mahalo (That's Thank You in Hawaii)

2009-09-27T08:14:00.007-05:00

I'm doing what every person, every coach, every advisor says not to do before racing. I'm changing something for the race - my bike. I'm not a normal triathlete though, at least I don't think, so I'm willing to put my trust in the universe that things will be okay. Wednesday was like Christmas when my bike arrived. Immediately, I went into "get it built" mode. I had a a few little snafus that were making me nervous, but again I told myself to trust the universe that things would be okay. I needed to get my bike built so I could ride it long at least once before Ironman (just a small detail), however, my trusty mechanic was in the northwoods without phone access so I couldn't reach him, and I didn't have any extra pieces or parts to complete my bike unless I took apart my current bike to get them. Hmmmmm....um, what's a girl to do? I don't know anything about bike building. I don't even know what all the parts of my bike are called. I'm a triathlete, we don't know that stuff. Well, at least this girl doesn't. On Thursday night, I reached out to my buddies at the The Bike Shop in Glen Ellyn and they so came through for me immediately!!! My bike was to be done by end of day Friday. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Andy and I headed up to Glen Ellyn to pick up my new speed racer. The Bike Shop is right on the corner of Main Street in Glen Ellyn. They have everything you need for triathlon and cycling from tune-ups to bike cages, to clothes, to bikes, to nutrition to group rides and more.

While I waited for the finishing touches to be put on my bike, I tried out the Gremlin.

I also learned a little about performance enhancing supplements that are legal. I don't take many pills for training, but I do take some supplements to make sure I'm getting everything my body needs to perform at it's best. After someone suggested that I get drug tested back in July, it's not a bad idea to see what's actually in the products that I take. Dave swears by Optygen HP and it's super pricey so I wanted to know what was in it. I got a little tutorial on checking out ingredients to know what they actually do for your body. Pretty cool new site to check out Ergogenic Aids.

"What do you think about the bike?" I asked. "It's interesting," says the guys.

The Quintana Roo Cd0.1 is "Interesting" The brakes are in a more aerodynamic setup, the wires run through differently than I've seen before and the seat is supposed to be special. The seat, however, was being a little wonky and wouldn't stay still so Anthony applied some tape so that it wouldn't slide around.

The finished product with Dave & Anthony that put it together for me. You guys are AWESOME! I hope you enjoy my thanksgiving of beer!

On to checking out the fit...

My seat seemed a bit low so Rich did some final measurements to make sure it was right.

This afternoon, I am going out to test out the new speed racer (name still TBD). I'm waiting for the temperature to get above 70 and the winds to pick up so that I can do my best to simulate Hawaii during fall in the Chicago burbs.

I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life...my friends, my community, my sponsors, my students, my health, my faith, my family, my shortcomings, my disasters, my mistakes...just everything. Have you given your thanks today?